It’s Week 2 of the SEC Football season, and we’ve already seen a monster upset with LSU losing at home to Mississippi State, a very weird Vanderbilt vs Texas A&M game where the Aggies were awful and didn’t get remotely near the spread, and a true ‘game of two halves’ between Georgia and Arkansas, where Georgia looked like a Dawgs’ breakfast in the first half, and then did the Razorbacks dawgy-style in the second half.

OK, so that’s enough weird puns.

So here are your players to watch:

Georgia vs Auburn

Georgia: Whoever the quarterback is (Stetson Bennett or JT Daniels): All eyes are going to focus on Bennett or Daniels to get it done against an Auburn front that should have everyone back in Gus Malzahn have its way.

Auburn: Anthony Schwarz: Some of you might be asking why not Bo Nix or Seth Williams, but you can guarantee that Williams will be double-covered all night long, which should leave the playbook more open than it was for Schwartz against Kentucky, where he had three receptions for 40 yards.

Alabama vs Texas A&M

Alabama: Najee Harris A lot of focus is going to be on Mac Jones, Jaylen Waddle and the collection of freaks that seem to occupy both sides of the Alabama team, but it will be interesting to see if Harris can continue the 93 yards, 3 touchdown performance against Missouri against a pretty good and experienced Texas A&M defensive front.

Texas A&M: Kellen Mond After an awful performance against Vanderbilt where he fumbled the ball twice and lost one and the team lost a total of five and lost three, there was a lot of venom being poured out against the A&M QB. Mond will have to be on far better shape against Alabama.

Arkansas at Mississippi State

Mississippi State: KJ Costello: After his 600-yard, match-winning performance against LSU, what’s he going to do for an encore? Throw for 700? Walk on water?

Arkansas: Grant Morgan: Morgan had 13 tackles against Georgia in the Razorbacks not-awful loss, and to stop Costello and Co the senior linebacker will have to be at his best.

LSU at Vanderbilt

LSU: Myles Brennan: Brennan has immediately found the voice of critics after his not-great performance in the stunning loss to Mississippi State, but if he can’t perform against Vanderbilt, you can feel Coach O’s finger starting to wrap around the trigger. And look, we know that LSU is missing an awful lot of talent (and this will be repeated ad nauseum), but still, it’ll be on him.

Vanderbilt: Ken Seals: The quarterback earned a lot of praise for sticking in there against a pretty dominant Texas A&M defense, and going 20-29 with 150 yards, a TD and 2 picks on his freshman debut. With no pressure from the fanbase to do well, Seals could flourish.

South Carolina vs Florida

Florida: Kyle Pitts:  Pitts had 170 yards and 4 TDs on just 8 receptions against a socially distant Ole Miss defense, and we are wondering what he’ll get up to against a secondary that gave up 261 yards passing and a TD against Tennessee. Because Florida has so many weapons, we don’t see him being double-teamed as much as the man on the other side, Shi Smith.

South Carolina: Shi Smith: Smith was excellent against South Carolina, grabbing 10 catches for 140 yards and a TD. He’ll be double-teamed against Florida, but it should be fun if he can get open.

Missouri at Tennessee

Missouri: Devin Nicholson: The sophomore linebacker had  team-leading 10 tackles against Alabama. He’s a leader within a defense that mightily improved in the second against Bama – albeit after the Crimson Tide were walking away with the game.

Tennessee: Brandon Johnson: The senior WR pulled off a circus catch against South Carolina. He’s so much fun to watch.

Ole Miss vs Kentucky 

Ole Miss: The secondary: Ole Miss’ defense was AWFUL against Florida, giving up 642 yards and 51 points, but the secondary was a special kind of terrible, giving up 416 yards passing and 6 TDs to Kyle Trask.

Kentucky: Terry Wilson: The senior QB was fine in his return to action after a season-ending injury last year, but Auburn has a legit defense. Ole Miss does not, which means that Wilson should be able to use his collection of wide receivers and running backs more as the Wildcats try to get back on track.

Who impressed us most this year in the SEC?

1. Mississippi State (1-0): It shouldn’t really have stunned people to find out that KJ Costello, who threw for 3,540 yards and 26 TDs in his 2018 year and had already hit another 1,038 in his second before he was injured at Stanford was a good quarterback, and yet Gary & Brad just made stupid jokes about him being a Stanford grad all day long. Costello threw for 623 yards and 5 TDs on LSU. It wasn’t always pretty (he threw 60 times and only had a 65.2% completion percentage and was responsible for two bad turnovers), but Leach’s offense hit TEN different receivers, led by Osirius Mitchell, Kylin Hill and JaVonta Payton, who had over 120 yards each.
2. Alabama (1-0) Might not have beaten the spread, but rolled through Missouri. They knew they’d won it after they replaced Mac Jones with Bryce Young at the start of the 4th quartter. Jaylen Waddle is a stud, and there isn’t a lot wrong with this team. And yet Dylan Moses was upset with the defense’s performance in the second half, after they ‘lost’ the second half 16-10.
3. Auburn (1-0): The Kentucky game was meant to be unbelievably tough for those crazy Tigers, but in the final quarter the Tigers shut out the Wildcats 14-0. Seth Williams is amazing. His one handed grab in the fourth quarter was a thing of beauty. All this was strange because we only saw 3 receptions from Anthony Schwartz, the most dynamic of the Auburn players.
4. Florida (1-0): Kyle Pitts (170 yards, 4 TDs) is an absolute STUD. Kyle Trask ripped apart Ole Miss’ secondary limb from limb, but then again, most offenses could have done that. The defense brought in 6 new starters, and it showed after they were shelled for 613 yards and 31 points. We still think Todd Grantham is the most overrated DC in college football.
5. Vanderbilt (0-1): Honestly, we expected the Commodores to get absolutely hammered at Texas A&M (as did Vegas), thanks to their injuries, opt-outs and transfers, but they caused three turnovers, limited the Aggies to 17 points, and had the game close until the end.
6. Arkansas (0-1): This is based on the first half performance, in which they hassled Georgia non-stop. IF THEY JUST HAD A BETTER QUARTERBACK THAT FELEIPE FRANKS, THEY MIGHT HAVE DONE SOME REAL DAMAGE.
7. Georgia (1-0): This is based on the second half performance, because the first half was an absolute trainwreck. D’wan Mathis was absolutely awful, and had to be replaced by Stetson Bennett IV after not even a half. Bennett put the team on his back, throwing for 211 yards and 2 TDs. But let’s be also honest – the Dawgs still had 13 of its 37 points from anything OTHER than the offense. Todd Monken will make people happy in Georgia in the future, but it wasn’t this time.
8. Tennessee (1-0): The Vols needed a bit of luck to beat South Carolina, but Jarrett Guarantano didn’t do many things wrong, and we love the dual RB combination of Ty Chandler and Eric Gray. Brandon Johnson’s grab in the game was something to be behold.
9. South Carolina (0-1): As predicted, the Gamecocks gave Tennessee everything they could handle, but as is usual with Carolina, they were a couple of plays away from doing excellently. Shi Smith is a warrior and will be tasked with carrying this offense, but there enough qualities for me to think that times aren’t going to be totally awful in Columbia.
10. Texas A&M (1-0): The only nice thing you can say about this performance is that the Aggies won. The Aggies had five fumbles (three lost), and Kellen Mond was poor all day long. You can look at the loss of key personnel, but this team looked utterly demotivated. Good luck against Alabama, folks.
11. Ole Miss (0-1): The offense is fun but the defense will win prizes for College Football Social Distancing.
12. Missouri (0-1): They were always going to be thumped by Alabama, and thumped they were. But Shawn Robinson’s performance was fine, even if the two fumbles were not. When Missouri gets the 12 players back that it missed through the game, they will be in much better shape.
13. Kentucky (0-1): The Cats were meant to cause Auburn fits, but two scoreless quarters indicate that nothing is going to be a gallop in the Grasslands.
14. LSU (0-1): The Tigers were dreadful. Yes, we know that the cupboard was exceptionally bare before the game with Mississippi State (not helped by the hospitalization of Derek Stingley Jr before the game), but they should have had enough talent to beat Mississippi State, right? The Tigers looked disorganised, going-through-the-motions, and Myles Brennan was a massive disappointment. This team could now go 2-8…..like PROPERLY.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK: 

KJ Costello (Mississippi State): 632 yards, 5 TDs isn’t a bad start from a brainy boy from Stanford, is it? I just don’t understand how anyone didn’t give him enough credit going into his game.

Kevin Duffey of Saturday Down South wrote an amazing article about 100 things that he loved about college football, and I felt inspired.

So here’s a 100 things that I love about college football (including, of course, the SEC!). And this is no particular order.

1. That college football came back after it looked like COVID-19 would shut it all down.
2. College Gameday. That moment when it starts, and you get the ‘Welcome to….” and you take a deep breath and get excited, very quickly. At last, your Saturday is starting. Fox’s show is fine, but Gameday is Gameday.
3. Rivalry games. No.1 best rivalry title? “The Holy War” (Utah vs BYU), although ‘The Civil War’ and “Good, Ole Fashioned-Hate” comes close. “Red River Shoot-Out” and “World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party” round out your Top 5. Also gaining votes? “The Game” (Michigan vs Ohio State, Yale vs Harvard), “Iron Bowl”.
4. Crazy upsets. Still nothing comes close to the 2007 season.
5. Night games in football stadiums when it’s a big-time game, and the crowd’s fuelled with adrenaline and alcohol. There’s nothing like it.
6. The White Out at Penn State. One of the best atmospheres in any football stadium in the Country.
7. Live mascots. We see you, eagles, tigers, buffaloes, cows and bulldogs. My buddy once saw a UGA kicker aim shots at Mike The Tiger’s cage while warming up. Fun fact.
8. Laughing when a live mascot does something out of the ordinary. And then feeling bad about yourself for a little bit until you retweet it 20 times.
9. Fans jumping on the field after an upset win.
10. The Auburn woman getting stuck in a hedge after said upset win.
11. Iowa fans waving at the University of Iowa Children’s Hospital. Every time it happens, I want to cry. Loudly. And that’s OK.
12. That Gary Danielson is there so I can yell at my TV: “Shut up, Gary!” and then moan about him. CBS 2.30/3.30 games are soooo much easier to watch in a bar.
13. USC Song Girls. No explanation about these goddesses needed.
14. Nick Saban yelling at his team when the Crimson Tide are up 100-0 in the third quarter.
15. SEC, Texas, Ohio State fans when they lose. They are very angry people.
16. Recruiting battles.
17. Money battles over said recruits.
18. Team bans/suspensions after money battles over said recruits.
19. Wright Thompson making me think deeper about football. And life. He’s an Ole Miss-loving Mizzou grad, by the way.
20. Tom Rinaldi making me cry about football.
21. Mike Patrick and “What happened to Britney Spears?” in 2007, and all those other moments where you think about a game and the great commenters that happen, and how much they are missed.
22. Thinking about Michigan football, and thinking about the Appalachian State game every time I do.
23. Hedges. The SEC has some amazing hedges. Women can get stuck in them (see Auburn, 2019).
24. Neutral site games which are half-and-half with fansbases that deeply hate each other.
25. Going to the Red River Shoot-Out as a neutral, and knowing how Oklahoma and Texas deeply hate each other.
26. Having friends who go to the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party every year….and knowing how UF/UGA hate each other.
27. LSU fans and ‘Neck’.
28. LSU fans and tailgating. Makes bourbon at 9am an acceptable practice.
29. Bourbon at 9am being acceptable on Gameday.
30. The Grove.
31. Tailgating on campus, which starts pretty quiet and then gets mayhemic an hour before kick-off.
32. Jumping Around at Wisconsin.
33. Alabama coming onto ‘Thunderstruck’.
34. Miami emerging from the smoke.
35. ‘2001’ at South Carolina.
36. Baba O’Reilly at Georgia. Because The Who.
37. Checkerboard end zones at Tennessee.
38. Running Through The T.
39. Making fun of the Sooner Schooner when it topples over. And we’re not talking about the football team and the play-off.
40. Death Valleys. Clemson and LSU are great Death Valleys in terms of atmosphere and standards of football. The tailgate gives a bonus point to LSU, but the running down a hill gives a point to Clemson. So we’re even.
41. Making fun of Michigan.
42. Baylor freshmen students leading the team out. Unique and underrated.
43. Student sections themselves. A beautiful mixture of passion, chatting (mostly about the game, but also about the ‘afterparty’) and drunkenness.
44. Students doing student pranks on their biggest rival, that then become town problems. See Arizona vs Arizona State, where both sides take mean invention to new levels (But still below Harvard and Yale’s “We Suck”).
45. College Football overtime, because it’s better than NFL overtime. By some margin.
46. Late night Pac-12 After Dark game.
47. Wondering “What the **** is?” after seeing a team’s mascot or their nickname . Coastal Carolina’s Chanticleers are a perennnial winner for this. I never knew that a buckeye was a nut before getting into college football, and lions do not exist on Mount Nittany.
48. The Oregon Duck.
49. Cheers for a first down. Except Ole Miss’ ‘new cheer’, which comes with a shark motion. That sucks.
50. Actually going to an Arizona State game, and working out why recruits come to Arizona State. Clue: It’s not about football.
51. Some of the catches wide receivers make, and you yelling: “HOLY SHIT!” loudly. NFL players are MEANT to do this, college football players are amazing.
52. Ed Orgeron and ‘Go Tigahs”
53. The fact that I need subtitles to understand Ed Orgeron.
54. Cowboy boots on fans.
55. Texas being back.
56. Texas not being back.
57. Notre Dame. A series of football traditions like no other….including being overrated.
58. The 12th Man at Texas A&M, who cheer on their team despite them being consistently average.
59. The line: “No-one comes into…….” and then the inevitable happens, when a team comes into [Add stadium here] and promptly beats them. Clemson’s home winning streak is 22, UCF’s is 21, and Ohio State’s is 20.
60. Grambling vs Southern’s marching band.
61. Gaining knowledge from people who were in marching bands how much work it takes to make a marching band as good as they are (Note: Respect).
62. Watching the NFL and knowing how good these people were in college.
63. And telling non-college football-loving NFL fans how good these people were in college, and telling them “WHY DON’T I PICK YOUR DAMNED FANTASY TEAM” when your rookie kicks ass and your buddy didn’t take him (I had this with Nick Chubb and Cleveland. My buddy’s stupid move cost him $100 in his fantasy football pool)).
64. Watching a game that’s meaningless apart from the fact that you put $10 on the ‘over’.
65. Still watching the game when the ‘over’ went in the third quarter, because it’s college football.
66. Everyone being a betting expert when it comes to games.
67. Clanga. Clanga. Clanga.
68. Players singing the school anthem after the game. Even when their team has lost by 50.
69. The bands that play on and the cheerleaders that still cheer even when the team is getting beaten by 50. It’s oddly endearing.
70. Army vs Navy. Just because.
71. Finding out that there’s a clear river that runs through Texas State’s campus. It’s college football where you find out this stuff.
72. Yelling at the student in the Dr Pepper half-time match-up NOT TO THROW OVERHAND.
73. Going for it on 4th-and-1 with the game on the line.
74. Big 12 mayhem.
75. The high-octane offenses….
76. And piss-poor defense that cause Big 12 mayhem.
77. Mike Leach’s press conferences, in which you wonder what planet he’s on….yet find them eternally more interesting than the one where a certain successful Southeastern Conference head coach bullies the press one minute, and thanks them the next.
78. The lack of cordiality between Big Ten fans. They aren’t cordial. Remotely cordial.
79. The sniping of SEC fans.
80. Big 12 fans all hating Texas.
81. Texas hating itself when it all goes wrong (We’re talking all Texas teams here).
82. The fact that we spend $150 sitting on uncomfortable benches and are good with it. Because we love it.
83. Drunk Co-eds screaming ‘WE’RE NO.1″ when they quite obviously aren’t.
84. Memes of sad, drunk Co-eds when the obvious comes true.
85. Florida State fans reading books.
86. Colored pants. Very important at the tailgate.
87. Dumb headwear.
88. Making jokes about any university or famous university grad and connecting it to college football.
89. The guarantee that Les Miles will do something absolutely stupid every week.
90. Bad clock management from coaches like Les Miles. Who are paid millions of dollars to NEVER LEARN.
91. Coaches dancing in the locker room after a big win. Mack Brown, you have moves.
92. Rowing the boat, Minnesota style.
93. Turnover chains, chainsaws, cloaks, paddles….and trash cans. All we are missing are a dildo and a bong.
94. Trophies. Trophies between teams at all college football games should be mandated, and some changed. The ultra-boring ‘Governor’s Cup’ given out to the winner of Arizona State/Arizona should instead be given a giant bronze book. It will be the only book that any Arizona/ASU kids have ever seen, and it will have a ‘Wow’ factor (None of the kids actually saw one during high school and STILL got into ASU and Arizona). Cal/Stanford should have a diamond-plated iPad (‘The Tech Bowl’), and Colorado/Colorado State should have a giant bong (‘The Weed Bowl’).
95. Getting wound up about games that finished some years ago, because college football is only a few months during the year and things are worth yelling about.
96. Offering God your first born IF HE WOULD JUST DELIVER A WIN AGAINST YOUR MOST HATED RIVAL.
97. Hating God when he doesn’t deliver, and swearing you’ll never talk to Him again.
98. Getting texts from your pastor who’s agreed with you about No. 95 and  No. 96, but won’t tell if you don’t tell.
99. High-fiving your section when your team does something good. And keeping on doing that because SUPERSTITION.
100. College Football being – and always being – my Saturday escape.

Thank you, Lord Jesus. The SEC is back on Saturday.

For a while, we thought there would be no college football season, let alone SEC season.

But the SEC waited – and came up with a plan. The plan is that every SEC side will play 10 games.

This week is Week 1.

So here we go – in order of games that we’re most excited to see.

1. No.23 Kentucky at No.8 Auburn (-7.5) 

Auburn bring back two of the better wide receivers in the SEC West in Seth Williams and Anthony Schwartz, and a very solid defensive corps as well. Kentucky will start senior QB Terry Wilson and brings along a strong line with him and a running back group committee – which could consist of electric freshman Michael Brennan II. This will be battle of the offensive lines. Auburn’s is really inexperienced, but then again, Kentucky’s will have to deal with Big Kat Bryant and the rest of the NFL talent that Auburn will bring to face it.What might make this a lot closer is the fact a week of Auburn’s August was wiped out because of COVID-19. We haven’t had the same problems with Kentucky (so it seems),  so that will give Kentucky some sort of advantage.

PREDICTION: Gas in the Gus Bus!Auburn wins by 3 in a nip-and-tuck thriller.

2. Mississippi State at No.6 LSU (-16.5)

This is going to be a weird game, primarily because Mike Leach is involved, which should be a cure for any shut-out. We know why LSU was No.1 in January, but we can’t work out why they are No.6 now, bearing in mind that they’ve lost so much talent on both sides of the ball. Mississippi State brings back its best rusher in Kylin Hill and KJ Costello – the graduate transfer from Stanford, so that could give LSU more fits than people let on. If Myles Brennan can get the ball to freshman former five-star wideout Kayshon Boutte a lot for LSU, this could be fun.

PREDICTION: Much closer than people think, but LSU will pull it out, because it’s talent alone. LSU by 7.

3. No.16 Tennessee (-3.5) at South Carolina

There’s been a lot of chatter about Tennessee, and people are pretty excited on Rocky Top. Unlike most years where people were not remotely talking up the Volunteers, people are talking about a possibility of them even taking Georgia close. Unless Jarrett Guarantano suddenly gets a lot more consistent and Eric Gray does good things against top opposition, we think this is fairly unlikely. However, against a South Carolina side that has no running attack of mention and will only bring one wide receiver back of worthy mention (Shi Smith) to help grad transfer QB Colin Hill, that won’t really matter.

PREDICTION: Tennessee by 10. And don’t think that the pressure won’t be on Will Muschamp after Week 1…because it will. 

4. No.5 Florida (-12 1/2) at Ole Miss.

New coach, new madness at Ole Miss? The swarms that would normally fill out The Grove certainly do. Lane Kiffin’s come on board and made some nice additions – including TE Kenny Yaboah from Temple – and WR Elijah Moore (yes, him!) could hurt Florida, but Florida’s got more talent on both sides of the ball to be truly scared in GroveTown on Saturday. Florida’s settled at quarterback with Kyle Trask, and there will be more than enough option with dual-threater Emory Jones, too. Oh, and on the other side of the ball, Florida’s secondary is nasty.

PREDICTION: Gators roll, and all aboooooooard the Mullenwagon! Florida by 17.

5. No.4 Georgia (-26) at Arkansas 

The only reason I have for Arkansas covering is that Feleipe Franks is going to do an awful lot of handing the ball to Rakeem Boyd and melting down some clock. Georgia is stacked with talent, starting at the quarterback duo of former USC starter J.T. Daniels and five-star freakshow D’wan Mathis and they are going to hit the brilliant George Pickens Jr all night long. Georgia is going to roll.

PREDICTION: Georgia by 28. 

6. No.2 Alabama (-28) at Missouri

We knew this would be a baptism of fire for Eli Drinkwitz, and what a one it will be. Missouri’s already got 12 players out of the game with COVID-19 precautions, so Alabama’s going to run riot. Honestly, it’ll be over by half-time.

PREDICTION: Alabama by 35. And because Oklahoma and Clemson are also out there smashing opponents, Saban won’t be setting the second and third-teamers on Mizzou until the fourth quarter. 

7. Vanderbilt at No.10 Texas A&M (-30)

Texas A&M lost one of its top wide receivers and one of its top linebackers via a pardecision to opt out of the 2020 seasons, but Vanderbilt is already beaten-up due to injuries, their own transfers and opt-outs. This could be the start of one of the ugliest seasons in Derek Mason’s pretty ugly history in Nashville.

PREDICTION: After a slow start, Texas A&M pours it on in the fourth quarter, and wins by 31 in a game where Vandy will feel lucky to get the ball into the end-zone.

This the story of Courtney and Jenna-Sue,

Who saw Auburn win and didn’t know what to do

Jumping around look like a hassle

So they leapt over a hedge and didn’t look like an a**hole.

But like any good photography, there’s an awesome story. And it’s not just Nick Saban and getting tricked by Gus Malzahn, either…

COURTNEY

Courtney walked into Phi Mu as a girl from the A-T-L (or at least that’s what she told everybody), but really, she’s actually from Marietta. She’s gone to Auburn because it’s more a fun time that it would be at Georgia. She’s might not look like it, but she’s the party animal-brain bucket that everyone craves, and so she’s actually pretty bright. We’re not talking Stanford bright, but we’re talking bright enough to hold a scholarship at Auburn, which she’s done despite giving her liver the toxic treatment. Today was Auburn’s last home game of the season, and it was the last hurrah. After this is a future in marketing (via rehab, as people at the house tell her) beckons, so she donned the skirt and the tiger jacket on Friday morning and hasn’t gone to bed yet. No, she hasn’t found a War Eagle Husband, but that KA dude Brad isn’t looking bad. He’s the only one in that frat not into buttchugging, anyway.

Because the game’s been fun and she’s been cheering a lot, she’s managed to half-chat to Jenna about life and whether little Crick’s going to propose (“I wish he’d just hurry up and do it, she says to herself under her breath”), but she’s actually really focussed on the game, which is unusual because she could probably blow a .358 right like that girl from Iowa.

HOLY SHIT! They missed that kick? Again? WOW! And then Bama gets penalised? The game’s over! Holy shit! We’ve won!

I’ve got to jump. It would be such a rad thing to do! Everyone back home would be so jealous! Hey, maybe I get Jenna to follow me and she gets into the bush like that woman did ahead of me. Wow. It’ll be so great. I’ll get on the field. And then we’ll party. Where’s the party going to be? Who cares?

LET’S GOOOOOO……….

Jenna-Sue

Jenna (Her real name is Jennifer-Susan, but she goes by Jenna-Sue) is from Mountain Brook, Alabama, and although she’s not going to let everyone know that, she’s wearing. She didn’t go to Phi Mu, Phi Mu went to her, because she’s a legacy. And she knows people. She’s had fun in her four years in college, but she hasn’t arrested. Daddy’s going to give her a job at the company in the future, but really she’s looking for ‘Crick’ (His real name’s Blake, but he got given that name because he told a joke four years ago and there were crickets, so everyone called him ‘crick’ lol lol lol)  to propose to her. She’s been telling Courtney about this, and Courtney’s been half-listening.

OMG! The kick! It hit the upright! Wow! OMG! Nick Saban got out-thought by Gus! How? Who cares? Auburn wins!

OMG! Courtney’s jumping! I’ll have to jump! Will I make the TV? Will this ruin the $500 boots? What will Daddy think?

Will Crick jump on the field and propose to me?

COOPER

Cooper’s tentative about going over. All game long he’s been trying to impress the hot blondies in front of him with his knowledge of Auburn football (they don’t care). Didn’t they know that Bo Nix’s dad was QB of Auburn? Didn’t they know that the team should have used Anthony Schwartz more. They didn’t like the fact that whenever Alabama lined up, all he did was say: “Oh crap”, like the world was going to end. Were they ignoring him?

Well, the two are leaping away and he’s still undecided. Like his life. But he really likes Auburn.

AND THEN THERE’S SERENA

This is Serena. She’s staring at the woman already stuck in the bush, and thinking: “There’s no ****ing way I’m getting over that”. Courtney and Jenna-Sue are already leaping for their lives, and she’s got eyes the size of a Toomer’s tree. She’s scared. Scared of what? Embarrassment?

OR ENDING UP LIKE THE WOMAN IN THE BUSH?

She makes it. There’s a celebration.  She’s not the butt of everyone’s joke unlike…

This lady. And she’s still lost.

Every year it seems, people will want to know whether anyone will unseat the immovable objects.

In the college football, those unmovable objects are routinely Clemson and Alabama. Last year it was the same, until LSU actually proved what can happen when you get a good quarterback, some future NFL first round wide receivers, and an excellent offensive coordinator, which in one season undid the ole cliche always attributed to the Tigers which was “They’ve got the talent, but they are perennially disappointing”.

This year, the objects will be a bit different. We don’t know how many practices each team has managed. We don’t know what what how many have contracted COVID-19 and when, because they aren’t about to let the opposition get the upper hand. We don’t know if any of the players who have recovered from COVID-19 are seeing ongoing effects.

We also can make presumptions- particularly in the SEC West – about two starting quarterbacks (Texas A&M and Auburn), but the rest is somewhat of a mystery, with the biggest coming at Bryant-Denney.

Anyway, so here’s our predictions.

1. Alabama (10-0)

The Tide will be quarterbacked by Mac Jones, who beat out Bryce Jones to Nick Saban’s graces after a highly-competitive camp. Jones will have the luxury of two future first-round picks to throw to in Jaylen Waddle or DeVonta Smith, or they can hand the ball off to Najee Harris or pass it to a mixture of Trey Sanders (formerly the No.1 running back in the nation and he’ll be back from a foot injury) or Brian Robinson Jr. Defensively, Dylan Moses is going to be the star.

Schedule: Missouri (A), Texas A&M (H), Ole Miss (A), Georgia (H), Tennessee (A), Mississippi State (H), LSU (A), Kentucky (H), Auburn (A), Arkansas (H)

Our prediction: With the offensive firepower they’ve got and the defense that’s going to be fine if not utterly elite, it wouldn’t be surprising for us if the Tide are involved in some high-scoring games. And they’ve got the weapons to do that. The big game to watch out for will be Georgia, but otherwise, Alabama should win out.

2. Auburn (8-2)

Auburn’s QB problem is pretty settled, with Bo Nix getting the job. Auburn returns a lot of talent on both sides of the ball. WR Anthony Schwartz is going to be the most exciting of them. He’ll be backed by Eli Stove, Seth Williams, and 4-star freshman Kobe Hudson. Defensively, DL Big Kat Bryant and LB KJ Britt are both preseason all-SEC picks. There are problems in the fact that Auburn had such a problem with COVID-19 that they had a whole week without practicing, and it will be interesting to see what happens to the team. And although Auburn returns a lot of offensive linemen from last year, they all don’t have the experience of their competitors.

Schedule: Kentucky (H), Georgia (A), Arkansas (H), South Carolina (A), Ole Miss (A), LSU (H), Mississippi State (A), Tennessee (H), Alabama (A), Texas A&M (H)

Our Prediction: Although we can imagine Auburn going 6-1 to start the season (losing to Georgia), down the stretch it’s a pretty mean one with games against Tennessee, Alabama and Texas A&M. We think they’ll go 2-1, but it wouldn’t be surprising to see 1-2.

3. Texas A&M (8-2)

I actually had the Aggies finishing second in the West until news broke that its best wide receiver Jhamon Auborn and junior LB Anthony Hines both opted out, which hasn’t helped matters as back-up QB James Foster, senior CB Elijah Blades, and junior DB Derrick Tucker also did the same earlier in the season. Now, I’m not confident about this season, so – like is the case with Auburn and LSU too, this is merely a big swish. What we do know is that the Aggies offensive line is going to be one of the strongest in the West, which should help young RB Isaiah Spiller and speedster Ainias Smith. Kellen Mond is a fun quarterback, too.

Schedule: Vanderbilt (H), Alabama (A), Florida (H), Mississippi State (A), Arkansas (H), South Carolina (A), Tennessee (A), Ole Miss (H), LSU (H), Auburn (A).

Our Prediction: This is a pretty successful year for Jimbo Fisher’s squad, with his young team – packed full of froshes and sophs, score major victories over Florida and LSU this season, while the two losses are against the two teams from Alabama.

4. LSU (6-4)

LSU’s stunning National Championship win was supercharged by an offense that had everyone clapping. But now, the cupboard is pretty bare. Although LSU has just announced Myles Brennan will be starting quarterback, the one receiver who has major experience in that corps will be Terrace Marshall Jr, who had 671 yards receiving and 13 TDs last year. That’s not to say the cupboard will be bare, because LSU recruits and recruits well. On the other side of Marshall will be five-star freshman Kayshon Boutte, the No.2 WR in the nation. Chris Curry and Tyrion Davis-Price will be charged with leading the line at RB, and he’s got no real experience either. Defensively, the secondary will be solid (Derek Stingley and JaCoby Stevens) enough, and the line has been boosted by the return of Neil Farrell Jr.

Schedule: Mississippi State (H), Vanderbilt (A), Missouri (H), Florida (A), South Carolina (H), Auburn (A), Alabama (H), Arkansas (A), Texas A&M (A), Ole Miss (H)

Our Prediction: It’s easy to conceive of LSU winning the easy ones, and losing the hard ones (Florida, Auburn, Alabama and Texas A&M), because the team is so inexperienced. In fact, I’d be shocked if they were favoured against any of the aforementioned sides, and it’s very possible they go 0-4. This is going to be a rollercoaster for LSU fans, but don’t expect miracles.

5. Ole Miss (4-6)

Lane Kiffin can really run an offense, so it should be fascinating to see what he does with projected starter Matt Corral or John Rhys Plumlee. He’s got a good if not amazingly spectacular running back pairing in the excellently-named Snoop Connor and Jerrion Ealy. Prepare to be excited by RB Henry Parrish, too. Elijah Moore will be the big name as a wide receiver, but there will also be some focus on TE Kenny Yeboah, a transfer in from Temple who caught for over 500 yards in his time there. He also returns four starters from last year on the O-Line, but the O-Line wasn’t that good last year.

Schedule: Florida, Kentucky (A), Alabama (H), Arkansas (A), Auburn (H), Vanderbilt (A), South Carolina (H), Texas A&M (A), Mississippi State (H), LSU (A)

Our Prediction: It’s not going to beautiful in Oxford, but 4 wins (Vandy, Arkansas, South Carolina, Mississippi State) is a probability, although we can also see them frighten the life out of a couple of teams. There will be some good grass roots.

6. Mississippi State (2-8)

We love Mike Leach’s brain, and we love his press conferences even more. His recruitment of KJ Costello as a transfer QB is a fantastic move (we’d go as far as saying it’s the transfer of the year). Costello will be helped by excellent running back Kylin Hill, who ran for 1,350 yards and 10 TDs. It will make quite the change from Leach’s usual offenses which are pedal-to-the-metal, and very pass-orientated. We can’t wait to see how Alabama transfer WR Tyrell Shavers will fit into this offense, which will also feature Osirus Mitchell, Caleb Ducking and most intriguingly JUCO transfer Malik Heath.

Schedule: LSU (A), Arkansas (H), Kentucky (A), Texas A&M (H), Alabama (A), Vanderbilt (H), Auburn (H), Georgia (A), Ole Miss (A), Missouri (H)

Our Prediction: MSU’s schedule is absolutely savage. The Cowbellers will face LSU and Alabama on the road, as well as Georgia and Kentucky. Winnable games are Vanderbilt and Arkansas, and if Missouri’s really bad, then No.3 will be the last game of the season.

7. Arkansas (0-10)

Sam Pittman’s first year in charge is not going to be an easy one. While Feliepe Franks coming in as a transfer QB from Florida might be a great headline, what will Franks be working with? For one, Rakeem Boyd is a terrific running back who will cause defenses problems – if the offensive line helps him out. And he’ll also catch some of Franks’ passes, too. But as horrible as this may sound, the cupboard’s still pretty bare. Sure, Pittman’s brought in talent for the 2020 class, but it’s still way behind the rest of the SEC West, although a little bit better than Vanderbilt’s.

Schedule: Georgia (H), Mississippi State (A), Auburn (A), Ole Miss (H), Texas A&M (A), Tennessee (H), Florida (A), LSU (H), Missouri (A), Alabama (H)

Our Prediction: If any of you can recognise a truly winnable game for me on this schedule, then please let me know.

Today Florida said that they had 7 COVID-19 cases on their team, up from six from last week.

The news silenced practice for today – not great news for Dan Mullen’s team that start the season against Ole Miss on September 26th.

Right now, practice is important.

Earlier on, Ed Orgeron said about COVID-19: “”I think most — not all of our players — but most of our players have caught it… I think hopefully they don’t catch it again and hopefully they’re not out for games… I’m not going to say all of them…. But some players have caught it. I don’t know the percentage. Hopefully, that once you catch it, you don’t get it again.” Orgeron declined to talk about actual numbers.

We know that COVID-19 has annihilated depth charts. Tennessee had to cancel a scrimmage at Neyland Stadium because there weren’t enough players. Positive cases aren’t the problem so much as NCAA rules which dictate that positive players and those who are in higher risk of getting the disease have to be quarantined. Auburn has had practices decimated because of positive cases and quarantine rules too.

While players are tested three times a week – Alabama head coach Nick Saban made a point of this on a recent press conference  – but no other coach has talked about how many positive cases there have been.

You can understand this happening in a way because we are just about to hit the season, and coaches don’t want to give their opposition anything going forward.

Oklahoma coach Lincoln Riley said recently that the team will not disclose how many positive tests there have been on his team, and the competitive disadvantage was the reason. “Just like we would with an injury, we made the decision to not broadcast that. I know we’ve been probably the most transparent school in the country up until then, but you don’t want to give your team a competitive disadvantage, so we’re not going to do that”.

You could argue that the students have a right to know how many of the team are affected. I’m sure that the school presidents wouldn’t mind telling people, because if it’s a small number, they look as though they run a tight ship, and if it’s a large number, then they can use it to tell kids to socially distance and behave themselves.

The SEC fans won’t matter to the schools, because they will root for their team regardless. And the sponsors will continue to sponsor and the TV networks will continue to show their games.

GOING GREEN

Ironically, the people who are mostly going to be impacted are from Vegas.

In a world where the quick buck is becoming more and more important – especially in a climate where people are desperate for quick cash (that’s what happens in a recession!) – gambling is a bigger and bigger market. Only recently ESPN announced a partnership with DraftKings. Various sportswriters have deals with betting sites, and even yours truly talks about the lines of different games.

And because of COVID-19, no-one should take a line – rather like this season itself – that seriously. Because even if Alabama is a 31-point favorite against Missouri on September 26th (we actually think Alabama -21.5 is a pretty good shout!), no-one knows about how many players have been lost to practice because Nick Saban won’t want you asking. The same goes for all the schools. It’s led to uncertainty about who the starting quarterbacks are and everything else to go with the game. We also don’t know how many practices have gone the way of Tennessee’s or Florida’s and have had to be cancelled.

Of course, a team who’s practiced more will have the advantage – even a mild one – over a side that doesn’t.

We particularly saw this from a tackling point-of-view in the BYU vs Navy game of a couple of weeks’ ago, when The Mormons annihilated the Midshipmen – ostensibly because Navy didn’t allow tackling during any of its practice sessions.

And although we know that teams out of the gate will be rusty (unless you’re Alabama), it should be fascinating to see what lines get crossed-up and those that don’t.

For the record, one of the great lines out there for SEC football will be about how many games might get cancelled or postponed because of COVID-19. Despite a great number of games getting postponed or cancelled because of the virus, the only all-conference game that has had to be moved was Virginia and Virginia Tech in the ACC.

Like any forward-thinking football fan, I’m going for 2.

This is going to be an interesting season for a lot of reasons. Most of them have already been covered.

But for a lot of SEC fans, the question will be: “Who’s going to be the damned starting quarterback?”

For some – like in Florida, Tennessee, Auburn and Texas A&M – the question is fairly obvious, but for other schools, the battles will rage right until the Friday before Gameday.

So here’s our lowdown on who’s going to win out.

ALABAMA

Our pick: Mac Jones over Bryce Young. Jones and Young – the latter one the No.1-rated dual threat QB on the 24-7 2020 recruiting board and the second-best player in the nation – had an almighty battle, and both will see time against Missouri, but Jones will start because he’s got the experience. In his last two games with the Crimson Tide – both against mammoth teams, he threw for 7 TDs and 2 INTs (and you could argue that the second INT was a freak happening rather than his fault), and for over 600 yards.

UPDATE: Jones. 

ARKANSAS

Our pick: Feleipe Franks. Franks is a grad transfer from Florida who was injured during his time in Gainseville, and upon his return was comfortably beaten out for the starting job by Kyle Trask. It looks as though with Emory Jones also snipping at Trask’s heels, the best Franks could do was a graduate transfer. He’s said that he’s hoping to use his experience in Fayetteville to ‘go to the next level’, and if he can show what he can as well as he did in his sophomore year – and lead Arkansas to a couple of surprise victories, then the NFL will have a look. We think he’s head and shoulders above his rivals.

UPDATE: Franks

AUBURN

Our pick: Bo Nix. Not always the most popular QB in Tigers’ history, Nix’s excellent performance against Alabama probably cemented his job on The Plains for this season. Although it’s not been announced, this will have been one of Gus Malzahn’s easier decisions, bearing in mind how bare the cupboard is on The Plains.

FLORIDA

Our pick: Kyle Trask. Dan Mullen’s talked about Trask and Emory Jones taking almost equal-weight this season, but Trask will be the guy after an excellent 2020. Mullen’s made all the right noises about using Jones – a dual-threat QB who’s going to hurt defenses in short-yardage situations (we think) – more, but Trask will run things.

GEORGIA

Our pick: J.T. Daniels. After grad transfer Jamie Newman decided to sit out the year after Daniels’ arrived on campus after his own transfer from USC, it should be set in stone that Daniels will start. But here’s the problem: How healthy is Daniels? In a season where playing in 2020 doesn’t really matter (it’s not going to count towards eligiblity anyway), you might see more of pro-style QB D’wan Mathis as well. Mathis is 6-6 with a cannon of an arm, while Daniels is a pretty damned good himself.

KENTUCKY

Our pick: Terry Wilson. After Wilson got injured early on in the 2020 season, Lynn Bowden took over and did a miraculous job. Although Kentucky HC Mark Stoops brought in Joey Gatewood, the player has not gone through NCAA waivers, so he – at the time of writing – is ineligible (we have no words for the NCAA right now!). Anyway, Wilson’s got the experience, he’s in full health, and although Gatewood will see some reps, Wilson will win out.

LSU 

Our pick: Myles Brennan. The guy following up Joe Burrow’s insane season is one of the unluckier people in Death Valley this season, particularly bearing in mind that most of the offense has left for the NFL or opted out. Brennan’s life has been made easier by the fact that one of his bigger competitors – Peter Parrish – entered the transfer portal after getting suspended indefinitely for a violation of team rules.

UPDATE: Brennan

MISSISSIPPI STATE

Our pick: KJ Costello. For a myriad of educational reasons, it’s unlikely that someone from Stanford would transfer to Mississippi State, but it makes sense in a football world. KJ Costello passed for over 6,000 yards and nearly 50 TDs (and only 18 TDs) in his time in Northern California, and he was heavily recruited by offensive wizard Mike Leach. So de facto: He’s going to be the QB down in Starkville.

MISSOURI

Our pick: Shawn Robinson. First of all, we’d like to note that Eli Drinkwitz is not going to name his starting quarterback until the last second before his team gets rolled by 50 against plays Alabama on Saturday, to try and keep Nick Saban & Co guessing. But Robinson – the junior transfer from TCU came into Columbia in 2019 to play for Barry Odom before Barry Odom was canned at the end of the season (Robinson had to sit out a year), has the arm and the feet that could cause some defenses trouble in the SEC. Taylor Powell, Connor Bazelak and Brady Cook are also QB1 too according to Master of Mystery Drinkwitz, but we think Robinson will take it because of his experience.

OLE MISS

Our pick: Matt Corral. He’s going to share the role with Jon Rhys Plumlee, but Corral’s arm will offer more than Plumlee’s. Lane Kiffin loved him during the scrimmage, too.

SOUTH CAROLINA

Our pick: Collin Hill.  Hill and Ryan Hillinski are in a close battle for victory for the QB spot. While Hillinski’s got the starting experience, the offense wasn’t a lot to talk about last year (104th of 130 last year), Collin Hill’s played until USC offensive coordinator Mike Bobo while he was Colorado State. We think Bobo goes with what he’s used to.

UPDATE: HILL

TENNESSEE

Our pick: Jarret Guarantano. Guarantano had a rollercoaster of a 2019, ending with a nice comeback which has made many people he should be a walk-in for starter. But freshman Harrison Bailey – a four-star pro-style QB who is ranked 3rd in his position by 24-7 – has made a lot of waves at QB recently. People are really excited about seeing him play.

TEXAS A&M

Our pick: Kellen Mond. This is a slam-dunk. He’s a leader both on and off-the-field, he’s a playmaker, and he doesn’t have to do a whole lot bearing in mind how good the Aggies are going to be at running back.

VANDERBILT

Our pick: Ken Seals. Seals is a freshman alongside Mike Wright, junior college recruits Danny Clark and Jeremy Moussa, and he and the other three have no SEC experience. Seals is considered the favorite because he’s practiced more than the others, but new OC Todd Fitch has said that he doesn’t know who it will. We don’t expect Vanderbilt to be very good this season anyway, so this position may be about green shoots than making any green.

Georgia’s new quarterback Jamie Newman – a lot of people’s tips to start this year – has decided to opt out of the 2020 season on COVID-19 concerns.

The 6-4, 234lb graduate transfer from Wake Forest had 2,868 yards and 26 TDs in 2019 with a QB rating of 145.3 and a completion percentage of 60.9.

“With much prayer and discussion with my family I would like to announce that due to the uncertainties of this year amid a global pandemic I will officially opt-out of this football season to prepare for the upcoming 2021 NFL draft,” he tweeted.

Newman becomes the latest high-profile player to leave for the NFL Draft.

If you’re a college football coach, you might be wondering why so many college football athletes- especially those future NFL picks – are deciding to opt-out. Of course, there’s the line about ‘their own decision’ and ‘doing what’s best for my family’, but it’s pretty obvious that the players have had agents in their ear telling them to ditch college and go straight for the NFL. And while it’s hard for agents to get to players in college, it’s more than easy for agents to tap them up via Zoom.

LSU defensive tackle Tyler Shelvin is going to opt out of the 2020 season.

The 6-3, 364 lb junior is widely-tipped to be one of the top picks at his position in the 2021 NFL Draft.

Last year he had 39 total tackles – including 3 tackles for loss and 13 solo tackles, as well 2 defended passes. That led LSU’s starters for the year.

He was a massive unit to stop – a reason that although he started all 15 games, he didn’t record a tackle against Oklahoma and Clemson in the College Football Play-Off games.