It’s Week 2 of the SEC Football season, and we’ve already seen a monster upset with LSU losing at home to Mississippi State, a very weird Vanderbilt vs Texas A&M game where the Aggies were awful and didn’t get remotely near the spread, and a true ‘game of two halves’ between Georgia and Arkansas, where Georgia looked like a Dawgs’ breakfast in the first half, and then did the Razorbacks dawgy-style in the second half.

OK, so that’s enough weird puns.

So here are your players to watch:

Georgia vs Auburn

Georgia: Whoever the quarterback is (Stetson Bennett or JT Daniels): All eyes are going to focus on Bennett or Daniels to get it done against an Auburn front that should have everyone back in Gus Malzahn have its way.

Auburn: Anthony Schwarz: Some of you might be asking why not Bo Nix or Seth Williams, but you can guarantee that Williams will be double-covered all night long, which should leave the playbook more open than it was for Schwartz against Kentucky, where he had three receptions for 40 yards.

Alabama vs Texas A&M

Alabama: Najee Harris A lot of focus is going to be on Mac Jones, Jaylen Waddle and the collection of freaks that seem to occupy both sides of the Alabama team, but it will be interesting to see if Harris can continue the 93 yards, 3 touchdown performance against Missouri against a pretty good and experienced Texas A&M defensive front.

Texas A&M: Kellen Mond After an awful performance against Vanderbilt where he fumbled the ball twice and lost one and the team lost a total of five and lost three, there was a lot of venom being poured out against the A&M QB. Mond will have to be on far better shape against Alabama.

Arkansas at Mississippi State

Mississippi State: KJ Costello: After his 600-yard, match-winning performance against LSU, what’s he going to do for an encore? Throw for 700? Walk on water?

Arkansas: Grant Morgan: Morgan had 13 tackles against Georgia in the Razorbacks not-awful loss, and to stop Costello and Co the senior linebacker will have to be at his best.

LSU at Vanderbilt

LSU: Myles Brennan: Brennan has immediately found the voice of critics after his not-great performance in the stunning loss to Mississippi State, but if he can’t perform against Vanderbilt, you can feel Coach O’s finger starting to wrap around the trigger. And look, we know that LSU is missing an awful lot of talent (and this will be repeated ad nauseum), but still, it’ll be on him.

Vanderbilt: Ken Seals: The quarterback earned a lot of praise for sticking in there against a pretty dominant Texas A&M defense, and going 20-29 with 150 yards, a TD and 2 picks on his freshman debut. With no pressure from the fanbase to do well, Seals could flourish.

South Carolina vs Florida

Florida: Kyle Pitts:  Pitts had 170 yards and 4 TDs on just 8 receptions against a socially distant Ole Miss defense, and we are wondering what he’ll get up to against a secondary that gave up 261 yards passing and a TD against Tennessee. Because Florida has so many weapons, we don’t see him being double-teamed as much as the man on the other side, Shi Smith.

South Carolina: Shi Smith: Smith was excellent against South Carolina, grabbing 10 catches for 140 yards and a TD. He’ll be double-teamed against Florida, but it should be fun if he can get open.

Missouri at Tennessee

Missouri: Devin Nicholson: The sophomore linebacker had  team-leading 10 tackles against Alabama. He’s a leader within a defense that mightily improved in the second against Bama – albeit after the Crimson Tide were walking away with the game.

Tennessee: Brandon Johnson: The senior WR pulled off a circus catch against South Carolina. He’s so much fun to watch.

Ole Miss vs Kentucky 

Ole Miss: The secondary: Ole Miss’ defense was AWFUL against Florida, giving up 642 yards and 51 points, but the secondary was a special kind of terrible, giving up 416 yards passing and 6 TDs to Kyle Trask.

Kentucky: Terry Wilson: The senior QB was fine in his return to action after a season-ending injury last year, but Auburn has a legit defense. Ole Miss does not, which means that Wilson should be able to use his collection of wide receivers and running backs more as the Wildcats try to get back on track.

Who impressed us most this year in the SEC?

1. Mississippi State (1-0): It shouldn’t really have stunned people to find out that KJ Costello, who threw for 3,540 yards and 26 TDs in his 2018 year and had already hit another 1,038 in his second before he was injured at Stanford was a good quarterback, and yet Gary & Brad just made stupid jokes about him being a Stanford grad all day long. Costello threw for 623 yards and 5 TDs on LSU. It wasn’t always pretty (he threw 60 times and only had a 65.2% completion percentage and was responsible for two bad turnovers), but Leach’s offense hit TEN different receivers, led by Osirius Mitchell, Kylin Hill and JaVonta Payton, who had over 120 yards each.
2. Alabama (1-0) Might not have beaten the spread, but rolled through Missouri. They knew they’d won it after they replaced Mac Jones with Bryce Young at the start of the 4th quartter. Jaylen Waddle is a stud, and there isn’t a lot wrong with this team. And yet Dylan Moses was upset with the defense’s performance in the second half, after they ‘lost’ the second half 16-10.
3. Auburn (1-0): The Kentucky game was meant to be unbelievably tough for those crazy Tigers, but in the final quarter the Tigers shut out the Wildcats 14-0. Seth Williams is amazing. His one handed grab in the fourth quarter was a thing of beauty. All this was strange because we only saw 3 receptions from Anthony Schwartz, the most dynamic of the Auburn players.
4. Florida (1-0): Kyle Pitts (170 yards, 4 TDs) is an absolute STUD. Kyle Trask ripped apart Ole Miss’ secondary limb from limb, but then again, most offenses could have done that. The defense brought in 6 new starters, and it showed after they were shelled for 613 yards and 31 points. We still think Todd Grantham is the most overrated DC in college football.
5. Vanderbilt (0-1): Honestly, we expected the Commodores to get absolutely hammered at Texas A&M (as did Vegas), thanks to their injuries, opt-outs and transfers, but they caused three turnovers, limited the Aggies to 17 points, and had the game close until the end.
6. Arkansas (0-1): This is based on the first half performance, in which they hassled Georgia non-stop. IF THEY JUST HAD A BETTER QUARTERBACK THAT FELEIPE FRANKS, THEY MIGHT HAVE DONE SOME REAL DAMAGE.
7. Georgia (1-0): This is based on the second half performance, because the first half was an absolute trainwreck. D’wan Mathis was absolutely awful, and had to be replaced by Stetson Bennett IV after not even a half. Bennett put the team on his back, throwing for 211 yards and 2 TDs. But let’s be also honest – the Dawgs still had 13 of its 37 points from anything OTHER than the offense. Todd Monken will make people happy in Georgia in the future, but it wasn’t this time.
8. Tennessee (1-0): The Vols needed a bit of luck to beat South Carolina, but Jarrett Guarantano didn’t do many things wrong, and we love the dual RB combination of Ty Chandler and Eric Gray. Brandon Johnson’s grab in the game was something to be behold.
9. South Carolina (0-1): As predicted, the Gamecocks gave Tennessee everything they could handle, but as is usual with Carolina, they were a couple of plays away from doing excellently. Shi Smith is a warrior and will be tasked with carrying this offense, but there enough qualities for me to think that times aren’t going to be totally awful in Columbia.
10. Texas A&M (1-0): The only nice thing you can say about this performance is that the Aggies won. The Aggies had five fumbles (three lost), and Kellen Mond was poor all day long. You can look at the loss of key personnel, but this team looked utterly demotivated. Good luck against Alabama, folks.
11. Ole Miss (0-1): The offense is fun but the defense will win prizes for College Football Social Distancing.
12. Missouri (0-1): They were always going to be thumped by Alabama, and thumped they were. But Shawn Robinson’s performance was fine, even if the two fumbles were not. When Missouri gets the 12 players back that it missed through the game, they will be in much better shape.
13. Kentucky (0-1): The Cats were meant to cause Auburn fits, but two scoreless quarters indicate that nothing is going to be a gallop in the Grasslands.
14. LSU (0-1): The Tigers were dreadful. Yes, we know that the cupboard was exceptionally bare before the game with Mississippi State (not helped by the hospitalization of Derek Stingley Jr before the game), but they should have had enough talent to beat Mississippi State, right? The Tigers looked disorganised, going-through-the-motions, and Myles Brennan was a massive disappointment. This team could now go 2-8…..like PROPERLY.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK: 

KJ Costello (Mississippi State): 632 yards, 5 TDs isn’t a bad start from a brainy boy from Stanford, is it? I just don’t understand how anyone didn’t give him enough credit going into his game.

Kevin Duffey of Saturday Down South wrote an amazing article about 100 things that he loved about college football, and I felt inspired.

So here’s a 100 things that I love about college football (including, of course, the SEC!). And this is no particular order.

1. That college football came back after it looked like COVID-19 would shut it all down.
2. College Gameday. That moment when it starts, and you get the ‘Welcome to….” and you take a deep breath and get excited, very quickly. At last, your Saturday is starting. Fox’s show is fine, but Gameday is Gameday.
3. Rivalry games. No.1 best rivalry title? “The Holy War” (Utah vs BYU), although ‘The Civil War’ and “Good, Ole Fashioned-Hate” comes close. “Red River Shoot-Out” and “World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party” round out your Top 5. Also gaining votes? “The Game” (Michigan vs Ohio State, Yale vs Harvard), “Iron Bowl”.
4. Crazy upsets. Still nothing comes close to the 2007 season.
5. Night games in football stadiums when it’s a big-time game, and the crowd’s fuelled with adrenaline and alcohol. There’s nothing like it.
6. The White Out at Penn State. One of the best atmospheres in any football stadium in the Country.
7. Live mascots. We see you, eagles, tigers, buffaloes, cows and bulldogs. My buddy once saw a UGA kicker aim shots at Mike The Tiger’s cage while warming up. Fun fact.
8. Laughing when a live mascot does something out of the ordinary. And then feeling bad about yourself for a little bit until you retweet it 20 times.
9. Fans jumping on the field after an upset win.
10. The Auburn woman getting stuck in a hedge after said upset win.
11. Iowa fans waving at the University of Iowa Children’s Hospital. Every time it happens, I want to cry. Loudly. And that’s OK.
12. That Gary Danielson is there so I can yell at my TV: “Shut up, Gary!” and then moan about him. CBS 2.30/3.30 games are soooo much easier to watch in a bar.
13. USC Song Girls. No explanation about these goddesses needed.
14. Nick Saban yelling at his team when the Crimson Tide are up 100-0 in the third quarter.
15. SEC, Texas, Ohio State fans when they lose. They are very angry people.
16. Recruiting battles.
17. Money battles over said recruits.
18. Team bans/suspensions after money battles over said recruits.
19. Wright Thompson making me think deeper about football. And life. He’s an Ole Miss-loving Mizzou grad, by the way.
20. Tom Rinaldi making me cry about football.
21. Mike Patrick and “What happened to Britney Spears?” in 2007, and all those other moments where you think about a game and the great commenters that happen, and how much they are missed.
22. Thinking about Michigan football, and thinking about the Appalachian State game every time I do.
23. Hedges. The SEC has some amazing hedges. Women can get stuck in them (see Auburn, 2019).
24. Neutral site games which are half-and-half with fansbases that deeply hate each other.
25. Going to the Red River Shoot-Out as a neutral, and knowing how Oklahoma and Texas deeply hate each other.
26. Having friends who go to the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party every year….and knowing how UF/UGA hate each other.
27. LSU fans and ‘Neck’.
28. LSU fans and tailgating. Makes bourbon at 9am an acceptable practice.
29. Bourbon at 9am being acceptable on Gameday.
30. The Grove.
31. Tailgating on campus, which starts pretty quiet and then gets mayhemic an hour before kick-off.
32. Jumping Around at Wisconsin.
33. Alabama coming onto ‘Thunderstruck’.
34. Miami emerging from the smoke.
35. ‘2001’ at South Carolina.
36. Baba O’Reilly at Georgia. Because The Who.
37. Checkerboard end zones at Tennessee.
38. Running Through The T.
39. Making fun of the Sooner Schooner when it topples over. And we’re not talking about the football team and the play-off.
40. Death Valleys. Clemson and LSU are great Death Valleys in terms of atmosphere and standards of football. The tailgate gives a bonus point to LSU, but the running down a hill gives a point to Clemson. So we’re even.
41. Making fun of Michigan.
42. Baylor freshmen students leading the team out. Unique and underrated.
43. Student sections themselves. A beautiful mixture of passion, chatting (mostly about the game, but also about the ‘afterparty’) and drunkenness.
44. Students doing student pranks on their biggest rival, that then become town problems. See Arizona vs Arizona State, where both sides take mean invention to new levels (But still below Harvard and Yale’s “We Suck”).
45. College Football overtime, because it’s better than NFL overtime. By some margin.
46. Late night Pac-12 After Dark game.
47. Wondering “What the **** is?” after seeing a team’s mascot or their nickname . Coastal Carolina’s Chanticleers are a perennnial winner for this. I never knew that a buckeye was a nut before getting into college football, and lions do not exist on Mount Nittany.
48. The Oregon Duck.
49. Cheers for a first down. Except Ole Miss’ ‘new cheer’, which comes with a shark motion. That sucks.
50. Actually going to an Arizona State game, and working out why recruits come to Arizona State. Clue: It’s not about football.
51. Some of the catches wide receivers make, and you yelling: “HOLY SHIT!” loudly. NFL players are MEANT to do this, college football players are amazing.
52. Ed Orgeron and ‘Go Tigahs”
53. The fact that I need subtitles to understand Ed Orgeron.
54. Cowboy boots on fans.
55. Texas being back.
56. Texas not being back.
57. Notre Dame. A series of football traditions like no other….including being overrated.
58. The 12th Man at Texas A&M, who cheer on their team despite them being consistently average.
59. The line: “No-one comes into…….” and then the inevitable happens, when a team comes into [Add stadium here] and promptly beats them. Clemson’s home winning streak is 22, UCF’s is 21, and Ohio State’s is 20.
60. Grambling vs Southern’s marching band.
61. Gaining knowledge from people who were in marching bands how much work it takes to make a marching band as good as they are (Note: Respect).
62. Watching the NFL and knowing how good these people were in college.
63. And telling non-college football-loving NFL fans how good these people were in college, and telling them “WHY DON’T I PICK YOUR DAMNED FANTASY TEAM” when your rookie kicks ass and your buddy didn’t take him (I had this with Nick Chubb and Cleveland. My buddy’s stupid move cost him $100 in his fantasy football pool)).
64. Watching a game that’s meaningless apart from the fact that you put $10 on the ‘over’.
65. Still watching the game when the ‘over’ went in the third quarter, because it’s college football.
66. Everyone being a betting expert when it comes to games.
67. Clanga. Clanga. Clanga.
68. Players singing the school anthem after the game. Even when their team has lost by 50.
69. The bands that play on and the cheerleaders that still cheer even when the team is getting beaten by 50. It’s oddly endearing.
70. Army vs Navy. Just because.
71. Finding out that there’s a clear river that runs through Texas State’s campus. It’s college football where you find out this stuff.
72. Yelling at the student in the Dr Pepper half-time match-up NOT TO THROW OVERHAND.
73. Going for it on 4th-and-1 with the game on the line.
74. Big 12 mayhem.
75. The high-octane offenses….
76. And piss-poor defense that cause Big 12 mayhem.
77. Mike Leach’s press conferences, in which you wonder what planet he’s on….yet find them eternally more interesting than the one where a certain successful Southeastern Conference head coach bullies the press one minute, and thanks them the next.
78. The lack of cordiality between Big Ten fans. They aren’t cordial. Remotely cordial.
79. The sniping of SEC fans.
80. Big 12 fans all hating Texas.
81. Texas hating itself when it all goes wrong (We’re talking all Texas teams here).
82. The fact that we spend $150 sitting on uncomfortable benches and are good with it. Because we love it.
83. Drunk Co-eds screaming ‘WE’RE NO.1″ when they quite obviously aren’t.
84. Memes of sad, drunk Co-eds when the obvious comes true.
85. Florida State fans reading books.
86. Colored pants. Very important at the tailgate.
87. Dumb headwear.
88. Making jokes about any university or famous university grad and connecting it to college football.
89. The guarantee that Les Miles will do something absolutely stupid every week.
90. Bad clock management from coaches like Les Miles. Who are paid millions of dollars to NEVER LEARN.
91. Coaches dancing in the locker room after a big win. Mack Brown, you have moves.
92. Rowing the boat, Minnesota style.
93. Turnover chains, chainsaws, cloaks, paddles….and trash cans. All we are missing are a dildo and a bong.
94. Trophies. Trophies between teams at all college football games should be mandated, and some changed. The ultra-boring ‘Governor’s Cup’ given out to the winner of Arizona State/Arizona should instead be given a giant bronze book. It will be the only book that any Arizona/ASU kids have ever seen, and it will have a ‘Wow’ factor (None of the kids actually saw one during high school and STILL got into ASU and Arizona). Cal/Stanford should have a diamond-plated iPad (‘The Tech Bowl’), and Colorado/Colorado State should have a giant bong (‘The Weed Bowl’).
95. Getting wound up about games that finished some years ago, because college football is only a few months during the year and things are worth yelling about.
96. Offering God your first born IF HE WOULD JUST DELIVER A WIN AGAINST YOUR MOST HATED RIVAL.
97. Hating God when he doesn’t deliver, and swearing you’ll never talk to Him again.
98. Getting texts from your pastor who’s agreed with you about No. 95 and  No. 96, but won’t tell if you don’t tell.
99. High-fiving your section when your team does something good. And keeping on doing that because SUPERSTITION.
100. College Football being – and always being – my Saturday escape.

Thank you, Lord Jesus. The SEC is back on Saturday.

For a while, we thought there would be no college football season, let alone SEC season.

But the SEC waited – and came up with a plan. The plan is that every SEC side will play 10 games.

This week is Week 1.

So here we go – in order of games that we’re most excited to see.

1. No.23 Kentucky at No.8 Auburn (-7.5) 

Auburn bring back two of the better wide receivers in the SEC West in Seth Williams and Anthony Schwartz, and a very solid defensive corps as well. Kentucky will start senior QB Terry Wilson and brings along a strong line with him and a running back group committee – which could consist of electric freshman Michael Brennan II. This will be battle of the offensive lines. Auburn’s is really inexperienced, but then again, Kentucky’s will have to deal with Big Kat Bryant and the rest of the NFL talent that Auburn will bring to face it.What might make this a lot closer is the fact a week of Auburn’s August was wiped out because of COVID-19. We haven’t had the same problems with Kentucky (so it seems),  so that will give Kentucky some sort of advantage.

PREDICTION: Gas in the Gus Bus!Auburn wins by 3 in a nip-and-tuck thriller.

2. Mississippi State at No.6 LSU (-16.5)

This is going to be a weird game, primarily because Mike Leach is involved, which should be a cure for any shut-out. We know why LSU was No.1 in January, but we can’t work out why they are No.6 now, bearing in mind that they’ve lost so much talent on both sides of the ball. Mississippi State brings back its best rusher in Kylin Hill and KJ Costello – the graduate transfer from Stanford, so that could give LSU more fits than people let on. If Myles Brennan can get the ball to freshman former five-star wideout Kayshon Boutte a lot for LSU, this could be fun.

PREDICTION: Much closer than people think, but LSU will pull it out, because it’s talent alone. LSU by 7.

3. No.16 Tennessee (-3.5) at South Carolina

There’s been a lot of chatter about Tennessee, and people are pretty excited on Rocky Top. Unlike most years where people were not remotely talking up the Volunteers, people are talking about a possibility of them even taking Georgia close. Unless Jarrett Guarantano suddenly gets a lot more consistent and Eric Gray does good things against top opposition, we think this is fairly unlikely. However, against a South Carolina side that has no running attack of mention and will only bring one wide receiver back of worthy mention (Shi Smith) to help grad transfer QB Colin Hill, that won’t really matter.

PREDICTION: Tennessee by 10. And don’t think that the pressure won’t be on Will Muschamp after Week 1…because it will. 

4. No.5 Florida (-12 1/2) at Ole Miss.

New coach, new madness at Ole Miss? The swarms that would normally fill out The Grove certainly do. Lane Kiffin’s come on board and made some nice additions – including TE Kenny Yaboah from Temple – and WR Elijah Moore (yes, him!) could hurt Florida, but Florida’s got more talent on both sides of the ball to be truly scared in GroveTown on Saturday. Florida’s settled at quarterback with Kyle Trask, and there will be more than enough option with dual-threater Emory Jones, too. Oh, and on the other side of the ball, Florida’s secondary is nasty.

PREDICTION: Gators roll, and all aboooooooard the Mullenwagon! Florida by 17.

5. No.4 Georgia (-26) at Arkansas 

The only reason I have for Arkansas covering is that Feleipe Franks is going to do an awful lot of handing the ball to Rakeem Boyd and melting down some clock. Georgia is stacked with talent, starting at the quarterback duo of former USC starter J.T. Daniels and five-star freakshow D’wan Mathis and they are going to hit the brilliant George Pickens Jr all night long. Georgia is going to roll.

PREDICTION: Georgia by 28. 

6. No.2 Alabama (-28) at Missouri

We knew this would be a baptism of fire for Eli Drinkwitz, and what a one it will be. Missouri’s already got 12 players out of the game with COVID-19 precautions, so Alabama’s going to run riot. Honestly, it’ll be over by half-time.

PREDICTION: Alabama by 35. And because Oklahoma and Clemson are also out there smashing opponents, Saban won’t be setting the second and third-teamers on Mizzou until the fourth quarter. 

7. Vanderbilt at No.10 Texas A&M (-30)

Texas A&M lost one of its top wide receivers and one of its top linebackers via a pardecision to opt out of the 2020 seasons, but Vanderbilt is already beaten-up due to injuries, their own transfers and opt-outs. This could be the start of one of the ugliest seasons in Derek Mason’s pretty ugly history in Nashville.

PREDICTION: After a slow start, Texas A&M pours it on in the fourth quarter, and wins by 31 in a game where Vandy will feel lucky to get the ball into the end-zone.

This the story of Courtney and Jenna-Sue,

Who saw Auburn win and didn’t know what to do

Jumping around look like a hassle

So they leapt over a hedge and didn’t look like an a**hole.

But like any good photography, there’s an awesome story. And it’s not just Nick Saban and getting tricked by Gus Malzahn, either…

COURTNEY

Courtney walked into Phi Mu as a girl from the A-T-L (or at least that’s what she told everybody), but really, she’s actually from Marietta. She’s gone to Auburn because it’s more a fun time that it would be at Georgia. She’s might not look like it, but she’s the party animal-brain bucket that everyone craves, and so she’s actually pretty bright. We’re not talking Stanford bright, but we’re talking bright enough to hold a scholarship at Auburn, which she’s done despite giving her liver the toxic treatment. Today was Auburn’s last home game of the season, and it was the last hurrah. After this is a future in marketing (via rehab, as people at the house tell her) beckons, so she donned the skirt and the tiger jacket on Friday morning and hasn’t gone to bed yet. No, she hasn’t found a War Eagle Husband, but that KA dude Brad isn’t looking bad. He’s the only one in that frat not into buttchugging, anyway.

Because the game’s been fun and she’s been cheering a lot, she’s managed to half-chat to Jenna about life and whether little Crick’s going to propose (“I wish he’d just hurry up and do it, she says to herself under her breath”), but she’s actually really focussed on the game, which is unusual because she could probably blow a .358 right like that girl from Iowa.

HOLY SHIT! They missed that kick? Again? WOW! And then Bama gets penalised? The game’s over! Holy shit! We’ve won!

I’ve got to jump. It would be such a rad thing to do! Everyone back home would be so jealous! Hey, maybe I get Jenna to follow me and she gets into the bush like that woman did ahead of me. Wow. It’ll be so great. I’ll get on the field. And then we’ll party. Where’s the party going to be? Who cares?

LET’S GOOOOOO……….

Jenna-Sue

Jenna (Her real name is Jennifer-Susan, but she goes by Jenna-Sue) is from Mountain Brook, Alabama, and although she’s not going to let everyone know that, she’s wearing. She didn’t go to Phi Mu, Phi Mu went to her, because she’s a legacy. And she knows people. She’s had fun in her four years in college, but she hasn’t arrested. Daddy’s going to give her a job at the company in the future, but really she’s looking for ‘Crick’ (His real name’s Blake, but he got given that name because he told a joke four years ago and there were crickets, so everyone called him ‘crick’ lol lol lol)  to propose to her. She’s been telling Courtney about this, and Courtney’s been half-listening.

OMG! The kick! It hit the upright! Wow! OMG! Nick Saban got out-thought by Gus! How? Who cares? Auburn wins!

OMG! Courtney’s jumping! I’ll have to jump! Will I make the TV? Will this ruin the $500 boots? What will Daddy think?

Will Crick jump on the field and propose to me?

COOPER

Cooper’s tentative about going over. All game long he’s been trying to impress the hot blondies in front of him with his knowledge of Auburn football (they don’t care). Didn’t they know that Bo Nix’s dad was QB of Auburn? Didn’t they know that the team should have used Anthony Schwartz more. They didn’t like the fact that whenever Alabama lined up, all he did was say: “Oh crap”, like the world was going to end. Were they ignoring him?

Well, the two are leaping away and he’s still undecided. Like his life. But he really likes Auburn.

AND THEN THERE’S SERENA

This is Serena. She’s staring at the woman already stuck in the bush, and thinking: “There’s no ****ing way I’m getting over that”. Courtney and Jenna-Sue are already leaping for their lives, and she’s got eyes the size of a Toomer’s tree. She’s scared. Scared of what? Embarrassment?

OR ENDING UP LIKE THE WOMAN IN THE BUSH?

She makes it. There’s a celebration.  She’s not the butt of everyone’s joke unlike…

This lady. And she’s still lost.

What is going wrong at Vanderbilt?

On Tuesday six more Vanderbilt players became unavailable for the Texas A&M game.

There was one more opt-out. This time is was starting LB Feleti Afemui who became the sixth person to walk away from the 2020 season. Afemui joins kicker Oren Milstein and offensive linesmen Cole Clemens, Bryce Bailey, Jonathan Stewart and Stephen Spanellis in deciding to sit 2020 due to COVID-19 concerns.

Then there was an injury to LB Elijah MacAllister and S Brandon Harris, and  LB Michael Owusu, who will miss Game No.1 because of COVID-19 quarantine.

Harris was one of Vanderbilt’s leading tacklers last year.

The news has infuriated some of the Vandy faithful.

On Twitter, @NotVandyOC said: “Look around the SEC and find another school with 10 players that have opted out or transferred since the Spring. You’ll be looking for a long while. Several of these were starters or key reserves. This doesn’t happen to coaches that have built a winning culture.”

So what in the hell’s gone wrong?

Recruiting is tough.

Vanderbilt ranks last in the SEC in recruiting in 2021 (66th nationally), and managed that feat in the 2020 class too (53rd nationally).

It’s tougher also to recruit to a head coach who spends every year on the hotseat because he’s 27-47 lifetime as a head coach and has never won more than 3 games in the SEC in any one season. The reason why kids want to go to LSU, Alabama, Georgia or Clemson because they are ‘winners’ and being part of ‘something’ is a boost to their egos. Vanderbilt doesn’t have the same ‘boost’.

And the boost that recruits aren’t feeling towards the program is felt also by the administration, who haven’t exactly shown their love by putting money into any of the facilities. Vanderbilt simply won’t get the better players if they have worse facilities. Sure, they’ve renovated the locker rooms, but players will be going out every week to a stadium that’s 50-60% full of opposition fans….and the stadium itself is no better than some of these kids’ high school arenas. If you compare the facilities to some of Vanderbilt’s SEC rivals, then it’s way behind the curve.

And lastly, there are the educational requirements.  Mason said this in 2018: ““It’s a different deal at Vanderbilt. Our student-athletes have to go across campus and compete against students who don’t really care about their athletic prowess, and then they have to come back and compete against athletes in the SEC who don’t really care about their ACT or SAT scores.” In other words, the God on campus at Vanderbilt gets a 4.0 and gets to go work for Goldman Sachs, while the God at Georgia runs a 4.3 and gets to go work for the Dallas Cowboys. With the requirements for a tougher school, Vanderbilt is not going to be the easy ride a lot of college kids want.

Vanderbilt’s competition for the ‘clever kids’ comes from bigger private schools like Stanford or Notre Dame, and that’s a tough battle. They have to learn to scrape by with battles for kids that aren’t on the big-time players’ radar as much. And that riles Vanderbilt fans who think they could be better.

But it’s a false narrative to say that more players are leaving Vanderbilt than any other

It’s been pointed out that as of May 31st there were 1,105 people Division 1 players in the transfer portal. That’s over 12 teams worth of players. But Vanderbilt isn’t the only one with vats of players out. In fact, Texas A&M has 13 players who are in the portal. Arkansas has 15. Tennessee has 12, Alabama, Kentucky and Ole Miss have 11 – same as Vandy. Missouri and Auburn have 10, South Carolina with 9, Florida and LSU have 8, Georgia has 6.

The problem for Vanderbilt is that three of their quarterbacks have transferred or entered the portal (Allan Waters, Mo Hasan and Deuce Wallace), but Vanderbilt have also had players come along from Ohio State (D-Lineman Alex Williams), Michigan (Stephen Spannelis) and Oklahoma State (Tyrell Alexander).

So what do you change?

Players love Derek Mason, and Derek Mason is upfront and honest. The problem for me is trying to work out whether Derek Mason is a good head coach. While 27 wins in 74 attempts might indicate otherwise, the problem for Vanderbilt is: Who would replace him? Mason is the worst-paid head coach in the SEC, and 40th in the country in 2019, and they aren’t about to expand that to get a Whale.

The only thing Vanderbilt can do is battle it out in the transfer market, and try and work there. Unless they fire Mason, blow the whole thing up, and be prepared for years and years of 0-for-SEC.

Every year it seems, people will want to know whether anyone will unseat the immovable objects.

In the college football, those unmovable objects are routinely Clemson and Alabama. Last year it was the same, until LSU actually proved what can happen when you get a good quarterback, some future NFL first round wide receivers, and an excellent offensive coordinator, which in one season undid the ole cliche always attributed to the Tigers which was “They’ve got the talent, but they are perennially disappointing”.

This year, the objects will be a bit different. We don’t know how many practices each team has managed. We don’t know what what how many have contracted COVID-19 and when, because they aren’t about to let the opposition get the upper hand. We don’t know if any of the players who have recovered from COVID-19 are seeing ongoing effects.

We also can make presumptions- particularly in the SEC West – about two starting quarterbacks (Texas A&M and Auburn), but the rest is somewhat of a mystery, with the biggest coming at Bryant-Denney.

Anyway, so here’s our predictions.

1. Alabama (10-0)

The Tide will be quarterbacked by Mac Jones, who beat out Bryce Jones to Nick Saban’s graces after a highly-competitive camp. Jones will have the luxury of two future first-round picks to throw to in Jaylen Waddle or DeVonta Smith, or they can hand the ball off to Najee Harris or pass it to a mixture of Trey Sanders (formerly the No.1 running back in the nation and he’ll be back from a foot injury) or Brian Robinson Jr. Defensively, Dylan Moses is going to be the star.

Schedule: Missouri (A), Texas A&M (H), Ole Miss (A), Georgia (H), Tennessee (A), Mississippi State (H), LSU (A), Kentucky (H), Auburn (A), Arkansas (H)

Our prediction: With the offensive firepower they’ve got and the defense that’s going to be fine if not utterly elite, it wouldn’t be surprising for us if the Tide are involved in some high-scoring games. And they’ve got the weapons to do that. The big game to watch out for will be Georgia, but otherwise, Alabama should win out.

2. Auburn (8-2)

Auburn’s QB problem is pretty settled, with Bo Nix getting the job. Auburn returns a lot of talent on both sides of the ball. WR Anthony Schwartz is going to be the most exciting of them. He’ll be backed by Eli Stove, Seth Williams, and 4-star freshman Kobe Hudson. Defensively, DL Big Kat Bryant and LB KJ Britt are both preseason all-SEC picks. There are problems in the fact that Auburn had such a problem with COVID-19 that they had a whole week without practicing, and it will be interesting to see what happens to the team. And although Auburn returns a lot of offensive linemen from last year, they all don’t have the experience of their competitors.

Schedule: Kentucky (H), Georgia (A), Arkansas (H), South Carolina (A), Ole Miss (A), LSU (H), Mississippi State (A), Tennessee (H), Alabama (A), Texas A&M (H)

Our Prediction: Although we can imagine Auburn going 6-1 to start the season (losing to Georgia), down the stretch it’s a pretty mean one with games against Tennessee, Alabama and Texas A&M. We think they’ll go 2-1, but it wouldn’t be surprising to see 1-2.

3. Texas A&M (8-2)

I actually had the Aggies finishing second in the West until news broke that its best wide receiver Jhamon Auborn and junior LB Anthony Hines both opted out, which hasn’t helped matters as back-up QB James Foster, senior CB Elijah Blades, and junior DB Derrick Tucker also did the same earlier in the season. Now, I’m not confident about this season, so – like is the case with Auburn and LSU too, this is merely a big swish. What we do know is that the Aggies offensive line is going to be one of the strongest in the West, which should help young RB Isaiah Spiller and speedster Ainias Smith. Kellen Mond is a fun quarterback, too.

Schedule: Vanderbilt (H), Alabama (A), Florida (H), Mississippi State (A), Arkansas (H), South Carolina (A), Tennessee (A), Ole Miss (H), LSU (H), Auburn (A).

Our Prediction: This is a pretty successful year for Jimbo Fisher’s squad, with his young team – packed full of froshes and sophs, score major victories over Florida and LSU this season, while the two losses are against the two teams from Alabama.

4. LSU (6-4)

LSU’s stunning National Championship win was supercharged by an offense that had everyone clapping. But now, the cupboard is pretty bare. Although LSU has just announced Myles Brennan will be starting quarterback, the one receiver who has major experience in that corps will be Terrace Marshall Jr, who had 671 yards receiving and 13 TDs last year. That’s not to say the cupboard will be bare, because LSU recruits and recruits well. On the other side of Marshall will be five-star freshman Kayshon Boutte, the No.2 WR in the nation. Chris Curry and Tyrion Davis-Price will be charged with leading the line at RB, and he’s got no real experience either. Defensively, the secondary will be solid (Derek Stingley and JaCoby Stevens) enough, and the line has been boosted by the return of Neil Farrell Jr.

Schedule: Mississippi State (H), Vanderbilt (A), Missouri (H), Florida (A), South Carolina (H), Auburn (A), Alabama (H), Arkansas (A), Texas A&M (A), Ole Miss (H)

Our Prediction: It’s easy to conceive of LSU winning the easy ones, and losing the hard ones (Florida, Auburn, Alabama and Texas A&M), because the team is so inexperienced. In fact, I’d be shocked if they were favoured against any of the aforementioned sides, and it’s very possible they go 0-4. This is going to be a rollercoaster for LSU fans, but don’t expect miracles.

5. Ole Miss (4-6)

Lane Kiffin can really run an offense, so it should be fascinating to see what he does with projected starter Matt Corral or John Rhys Plumlee. He’s got a good if not amazingly spectacular running back pairing in the excellently-named Snoop Connor and Jerrion Ealy. Prepare to be excited by RB Henry Parrish, too. Elijah Moore will be the big name as a wide receiver, but there will also be some focus on TE Kenny Yeboah, a transfer in from Temple who caught for over 500 yards in his time there. He also returns four starters from last year on the O-Line, but the O-Line wasn’t that good last year.

Schedule: Florida, Kentucky (A), Alabama (H), Arkansas (A), Auburn (H), Vanderbilt (A), South Carolina (H), Texas A&M (A), Mississippi State (H), LSU (A)

Our Prediction: It’s not going to beautiful in Oxford, but 4 wins (Vandy, Arkansas, South Carolina, Mississippi State) is a probability, although we can also see them frighten the life out of a couple of teams. There will be some good grass roots.

6. Mississippi State (2-8)

We love Mike Leach’s brain, and we love his press conferences even more. His recruitment of KJ Costello as a transfer QB is a fantastic move (we’d go as far as saying it’s the transfer of the year). Costello will be helped by excellent running back Kylin Hill, who ran for 1,350 yards and 10 TDs. It will make quite the change from Leach’s usual offenses which are pedal-to-the-metal, and very pass-orientated. We can’t wait to see how Alabama transfer WR Tyrell Shavers will fit into this offense, which will also feature Osirus Mitchell, Caleb Ducking and most intriguingly JUCO transfer Malik Heath.

Schedule: LSU (A), Arkansas (H), Kentucky (A), Texas A&M (H), Alabama (A), Vanderbilt (H), Auburn (H), Georgia (A), Ole Miss (A), Missouri (H)

Our Prediction: MSU’s schedule is absolutely savage. The Cowbellers will face LSU and Alabama on the road, as well as Georgia and Kentucky. Winnable games are Vanderbilt and Arkansas, and if Missouri’s really bad, then No.3 will be the last game of the season.

7. Arkansas (0-10)

Sam Pittman’s first year in charge is not going to be an easy one. While Feliepe Franks coming in as a transfer QB from Florida might be a great headline, what will Franks be working with? For one, Rakeem Boyd is a terrific running back who will cause defenses problems – if the offensive line helps him out. And he’ll also catch some of Franks’ passes, too. But as horrible as this may sound, the cupboard’s still pretty bare. Sure, Pittman’s brought in talent for the 2020 class, but it’s still way behind the rest of the SEC West, although a little bit better than Vanderbilt’s.

Schedule: Georgia (H), Mississippi State (A), Auburn (A), Ole Miss (H), Texas A&M (A), Tennessee (H), Florida (A), LSU (H), Missouri (A), Alabama (H)

Our Prediction: If any of you can recognise a truly winnable game for me on this schedule, then please let me know.

Alabama and LSU have named their starting quarterbacks.

After a battle with newcomer Bryce Young, the Crimson Tide named Mac Jones as the person who will first take the ball from center.

Jones had a productive year in 2019, throwing for 1,503 yards, 14 TDs and 3 INTs. In the bowl games against Michigan, he threw for 327 yards and 3 TDs.

Down in the Bayou, LSU have given Miles Brennan the starting job. Redshirt junior Brennan – Joe Burrow’s understudy last season – threw for 353 yards, 1 TD and 1 INT last year.

Brennan’s job was pretty much his own after competition Peter Parrish was booted from Baton Rouge.

This College Football season has already had a few highlights.

We’ve had the return of Miami’s Turnover Chain, revamped and restudded (Miami’s also 2-0, so people are already saying: “IS MIAMI BACK?” (Clue: Yes, until they play Clemson and get beat by 40). There’s the laughter at the Big 12, who seem to be embarrassing themselves at every opportunity. There’s the Big Ten, who have managed to put the train back on the tracks, and frankly, we can’t wait until their match-ups start at the end of October, because More College Football.

But there have also been the cancellations or postponements. There’s COVID-19 cases and contact tracing and schools scurrying to make sure that all hell doesn’t break loose. Baylor and Houston recently fell by the wayside – and Houston’s bus was the sorriest sight in Texas – sitting outside McClane Stadium with nothing to play for an star-laden tweet from the school. And it wasn’t Houston’s fault, it was Baylor’s (Let’s be honest, if you’re catching COVID-19 as a football player right now, it’s probably your fault).

The Big Ten has put its foot foward, and put in some pretty strict guidelines for getting games together, with one of the strictest being “Any player who tests positive cannot play for three weeks”. Sounds harsh, but it forces players to effectively ‘bubble’ themselves.

So the SEC decided to instal its own policies. Firstly, the minimum amount of scholarship players on the field was 53. At a minimum, the position groups had to include 7 offensive linesmen (including one center), one quarterback, and four defensive linesmen. And the institution has the option to play with the 53 players or lower, but it would be sent off to the Commissioner’s office, who would either reschedule the game (probably) or cancel it (won’t happen, too much money).

It added: “Should an institution determine there are compelling reasons why it cannot begin a contest regardless of the scholarship and position minimums above, the institution may request to have the game rescheduled or, if the game cannot be rescheduled, for the game to be considered a no contest by presenting data (including total number of players not available to participate) outlining reasons why the game should not be played as scheduled”.

The move of 53 scholarship players is more focussed that the ACC’s effort, which simply says that an adequate number of players have to available to play a game, although it did add that at least seven offensive linesmen would have to be available.

The Big 12 has said that teams have to have 53 scholarship players, including 7 O-Linemen, four available interior D-Linemen, and one QB. They also have the same cancellation protocols as the SEC, too.

SO HOW WILL IT AFFECT ALABAMA VS MISSOURI?

Missouri, who’s already going to be heavy underdogs going into the Alabama game, said that 12 of its players will be missing the Alabama game. Added to this that two of its scholarship players – DT Chris Daniels and WR Maurice Massey – Missouri could probably turn around the SEC and say that their team was “significantly weakened” by COVID-19.

“Out is out,” Missouri head coach Eli Drinkwitz said. “Whether they got it or whether they contact trace, out is out. They can’t be around us, so there’s no reason to get into the numbers game and hype. It’s just we’re down 12 guys. It is what it is.”

And if the 12 continues to increase, Missouri may have to go to the SEC office and say: “We’re going to have to postpone the game due to COVID-19 testing”. And it’s not like that there hasn’t been precedent, either. Virginia’s game with Virginia Tech has had to be postponed because of positive cases…..and that was one of the crown jewels in the ACC’s season. A number of Big 12 versus ____ have had to be moved (The ACC has said that a minimum of eight ACC teams need to move forward with games in a week, or the season will be postponed).

Alabama head coach Nick Saban isn’t giving anything away regarding COVID-19 and simply said that Alabama was doing daily tests on players. It will be expect that Bama goes the route of Oklahoma and not releasing the amount of players out with positive tests, so it once again will be up to the Alabama insiders before game-time to release a true ‘injury list’.

But the bottom line is this: If things get worse in Columbia, MO, then Eli Drinkwitz’ opening SEC salvo may be silenced just days before the Crimson blitzkrieg commences. After all, why play Alabama when any area of your team is significantly weakened?

South Carolina has said that Collin Hill will be its new starting quarterback.

The transfer from Colorado State – reunited under new offensive coordinator Mike Bobo – impressed during practice. It was obviously enough to unseat sophomore incumbent Ryan Hillinski.

Hill threw for 3,233 yards, 23 TDs and 11 INTs in three years in Fort Collins. He had a 60.7% completion percentage.