While CBS will be headlining Alabama vs Tennessee, the key game for the weekend will once against be involving Auburn, as pressure once agains rises against Gus Malzahn when the Tigers go to Ole Miss.

Otherwise, it’s South Carolina playing LSU and Kentucky travelling to Missouri.

It’s not the weakest SEC slate around, but it’s certainly one of the lightest…..

So here are our games that we’re interested in. We’re going to be amusingly watch some out-of-conference teams now, as THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY’S BACK WHICH IS BIGGER THAN ALL OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL, YOU KNOW?

1. Auburn (-3 1/2, Over/Under 71) at Ole Miss 

Gus Bus vs Lane Train: A referendum on head coaches is a SEC Tradition like no other. Not that it will matter, because no-one’s getting fired.

As soon as Ole Miss lost to Arkansas and Matt Corral put up six interceptions, social media used to buzz with jokes about the falling of the ‘Lane Train’. People made exactly the same comments – as per every Auburn season about this time of year – about “The Gus Bus” after Auburn lost South Carolina last week.

The fact is this: Ole Miss’ loss to Arkansas was mostly self-caused, and Auburn’s not going to fire Gus Malzahn in a COVID-19 year.

Auburn has deep problems. Their offensive line might be OK, but Bo Nix’s lack of decision-making has been comedic, and the offense is fuming (we could see this when Seth Williams started to yell at Bo Nix on the sideline during the Carolina game). Fun fact: Nix’s biggest problem hasn’t only been Chad Morris. It’s also been an offense that drops the ball, misses assignments, and just simply isn’t cohesive. Is it the fact that the team was so low on numbers in August because of COVID-19 because it’s not the polished product, or are they just crap? If Auburn wins, it’ll be because of the run game: They’ll give it their most explosive running back (Tank Bigsby), who’s averaging 75 yards a game but will face an Ole Miss D that’s given up 265 yards per game.

On the Ole Miss side, the deep problems aren’t really deep. They are plain to see: The defense is pretty miserable. The offense is fun to watch, but faced by a good defensive problem, you get to see where the issues are. Matt Corral will try and be the hero, and he’s probably not as good as people think he is.

PREDICTION: Auburn by 7. It’s a struggle, but it’s high-scoring. Auburn 51, Ole Miss 44.

2. Kentucky (-5, O/U 47 1/2) at Missouri

Kentucky could be 4-0 going into this game. They were screwed out a touchdown against Auburn that would have given them the lead, and missed an extra point in overtime against Ole Miss. Against them is a 1-2 Missouri side who is still riding a bit of joy after the LSU victory.

The Wildcats are very steady, ballhawks in the secondary (they are second in the country with 10), and they have the rushing game to punish the opposition with Chris Rodriguez, Asim Rose and dual-threat QB Terry Wilson. If Missouri’s defense can actually stop the rushing offense a bit and make Terry Wilson throw, then trouble will be caused….because Terry Wilson isn’t a very good quarterback.

On the other side of the ball, we don’t know what we’re going to get from Missouri. Missouri – as has been mentioned on some podcasts – may have shown all of their cards against LSU, and therefore Kentucky will know what to expect. What we do know is that finally Missouri will be at full strength after numerous COVID-19 quarantines for the first time this season – but will that mean more drops in the wide receiving corps (the trouble with the first two games) or the same solid receiving that people saw against LSU? One thing’s for certain: Kentucky’s secondary won’t be as bad as LSU’s was. QB Connor Bazelek will be anchoring the show, and you should see a lot of running backs Larry Rowntree and Tyler Beattie if Drinkwitz doesn’t want to let the ball fly.

PREDICTION: Kentucky by 10 in an absolute war that the Wildcats start walking away from in the fourth quarter. Kentucky 31, Missouri 21.

3. South Carolina at LSU (-6, O/U 55)

It shows how bad things are at LSU when the Tigers are only favored by 6 against a team that’s generally considered as one of the worst teams in the SEC.

The Tigers will be starting 6-6 freshman QB TJ Finley now Myles Brennan is out injured, and we have no idea what he can do. We know that he was a 3-star, pro-style recruit who was ranked 19th in the country at his position, and the best QB in Louisiana. According to 247-Sports, he threw for over 2,500 yards in his senior year of high school with 21 TDs, 9 INTs and a completion rate of 57%. They added about what Finley is, using words such as “elite height”, “arm that matches the size”, “whips the ball out with ease” but noted that he needs to have a quicker ball release, and lacks mobility. If he does well, he may well challenge Brennan for the future crown.

Finley will still have the receiving weapons there. Terrace Marshall Jr, Arik Gilbert and grossly-quick-but-grossly-underused Keyshon Boutte will cause anyone’s secondary problems, but when he’s on the sideline, they’ll be looking at a defense that has seemed uninterested all season long. Bearing in mind that they are coming against a South Carolina side who’s got a capable wide receiving corps (led by Shi Smith) and a strong rusher in Kevin Harris (one of the SEC’s biggest revelation’s this season), Finley may be required to dig his side out of a mess drive after drive after drive.

PREDICTION: This will be fun, but we’re calling for a baptism of fire for Finley, and more pressure on Ed Orgeron. South Carolina by 4. South Carolina 48, LSU 44.

4. Alabama (-22, Over/Under 66) at Tennessee 

We’ll put this one out there. We’ll take Alabama to beat Tennessee by more than 22, but we’re not sure if the Crimson Tide will want to drop what they should on Tennessee, because Nick Saban doesn’t seem to like running the score up on anyone if they aren’t in the FCS. 

I could try and conjure up some reasons why Alabama’s going to get some problems at Rocky Top on Saturday afternoon. I could talk about a redemption game for Jarrett Guarantano, his offensive line and QB coach Chris Weinke. I could talk about Jeremy Pruitt and about the fact that the major reason for the awful loss against Kentucky wasn’t anyone’s fault so much as looking ahead to the THIRD SATURDAY IN OCTOBER, and they didn’t appreciate that Kentucky’s secondary might gobble up easily thrown balls from their opposition.

But I can’t. Alabama’s going to absolutely kill Tennessee. Jeremy Pruitt’s going to start Jarrett Guarantano, who’s going to start OK but will have to play ‘catch up’ after Alabama piles on the points at speed. We don’t know how Tennessee’s going to stop Alabama’s wide receivers (I mean, no-one else can!), let alone Najee Harris. The only way Tennessee can stay close is follow Georgia’s footprint, which was punching their way using their running game. As soon as Georgia got away from that in the third quarter trying to chase the game, they lost the ball control they had. Tennessee’s has the running back stable in Eric Gray and Ty Chandler, but if they put the ball in Guarantano’s hands…….Dear Lord.

PREDICTION: More cigars on Rocky Top….for the opposite team. Alabama by 38. Alabama 48, Tennessee 21.

After a poor game against Vanderbilt and a blow-out by Alabama, Texas A&M fans were fuming. They wanted Jimbo Fisher’s head on a plate. Some of the more racist elements of Texas A&M messageboards straight-up blamed Kellen Mond’s off-season civil rights activities for a reason why the school looked shabby. Florida was coming, and the season was going to go to the wolves.

And then Florida came to town. In a messy, fun game, Florida was beaten, 41-38. Mond was brilliant, throwing for 338 yards and 3 TDs, and didn’t do anything stupid. A week later, they stopped Mississippi State’s ‘Air Raid’ offense in Starkville, and suddenly Texas A&M fans are talking about how they could pip Georgia to the second SEC spot in the College Football Play-Off.

The answer to whether Texas A&M is very good is somewhere in the middle. Mond is obviously improved after two weeks, but then again this season his numbers will be well-improved by the fact that the rest of the competition is pretty medicore. Auburn is rocking. Ole Miss can’t play defense. Arkansas is great on defense, but pretty dismal on offense. And LSU? Oh. LSU.

In keeping with our remarks about Texas A&M, we decided to into a bunch of categories. It’s not power-rankings per se.

ELITE

• Alabama (4-0): The Tide’s second half performance against Georgia was fantastic. Mac Jones can pass on an elite defense, and Jaylen Waddle, DeVonta Smith and John Mechie will destroy any secondary. Hey, Najee Harris is pretty good too. Let’s not forget, though, that the defense was much better than we thought they were, pretty much silencing George Pickens all night long. Oh, and some favorable referee calls helped too, especially on pass interference. Alabama looks unbeatable in the SEC.
• Georgia (3-1): We’re not throwing Stetson Bennett out with the mail just yet, but this wasn’t a great performance. The decision to make Bennett throw 40 times (he completed 18 of them, and had 3 INTs) was weird. Why Georgia decided not to keep running at Alabama, exercise some ball control, and drive the Alabama front into the ground we’ll never know. But Georgia’s still a power, and should get its chance for revenge in Atlanta.

BETTER-THAN-AVERAGE

• Texas A&M (3-1): See above.
• Kentucky (2-2): Their secondary’s performance against Tennessee was excellent. Jarrett Guarantano may have given them the opportunities, but they didn’t make any mistakes. This Kentucky team is trending upwards, and could worry some Georgia people in two weeks’ time. We like what Mark Stoops is doing.

M’EH

• Florida (2-1): COVID cancelled the game with LSU, and it’s all the Gators’ fault. Dan Mullen’s also got COVID-positive, which is ironic, since he wanted to fill The Swamp with fans. 23 new cases on Tuesday amongst the team isn’t going to help the team going forward, either.
• South Carolina (2-2): The signature win over Auburn was helped by some awful Auburn mistakes, but Shi Smith and running back Kevin Harris has given Muschamp’s team some hope.

YING AND YANG

• Arkansas (2-2): I never thought I would put Sam Pittman’s team as high as ‘M’eh’, but their incredible defense gets balanced out by a not-particularly incredible offense.
• Mississippi State (1-3): It was noted on excellent podcast ‘Spit Zone Duo’ that Mike Leach’s first year is going true-to-form with regards to his previous jobs at Texas Tech and Washington State. KJ Costello came in and now has shown that the four-to-the-floor-throw-a-million-time doesn’t work for him. Leach has used words like ‘purge’ when referring to his team, and it’s all looking a complete mess. Which is weird, if you think that Mississippi State’s still got one of the best defenses in the SEC. If only the offense wouldn’t turn the dang ball over!

QB HORROR SHOWS WON’T HELP

• Auburn (2-2): How bad is Bo Nix? Very. Once again the wheels are coming off the Gus Bus, but it’s unlikely with the money that he’s making, that he’ll get fired. Auburn’s got a young offensive line, and we’re not sure about things defensively, either.
• Tennessee (2-2): How bad is Jarrett Guarantano? Yeah. Awful. And yet Jeremy Pruitt thought it a brilliant idea to fire his defensive line coordinator, instead of QB coach Chris Weinke. It wasn’t the DL’s fault that Guarantano threw two pick-6s and gifted Kentucky 17 points, was it?
• Ole Miss (1-3): Matt Corral’s SIX interceptions against Arkansas were unexcusable. Kiffin should at least changed him after the third. The Rebels can’t play defense, and we’re struggling to see where the next win will come from.

ARE THEY CLOSE TO BEING FINE?

• Missouri (1-2): Was it new quarterbacking and some excellent defense at the end that gave Missouri the magical victory over LSU, or was it the fact that LSU can’t play defense? We just don’t know. And we would have known more after this Saturday’s Vanderbilt game, had COVID not killed it.

YEAH…..DEFENSE AWFUL

• LSU (1-2): Things are pretty awful in Death Valley right now. Myles Brennan is beaten-up, LSU is reeling from losses to the NFL, Bo Pelini is not doing well as a defense coordinator, and Ed Orgeron is a little bit more under-fire. People love to convince themselves that LSU is fun to watch, but they would be if they were in, say, the Big-12, because we’d expect very little. They are better than the worst team in the SEC, but not by much.

FAR FAR AWAY

• Vanderbilt (0-3): There is nothing nice to say about this Vanderbilt team. So I won’t.

Before the season started, Andy Staples, the college football writer-come-podcast host, criticised the Big 12 for what was going on with COVID.

He said that Greg Sankey and the SEC knew what they were doing when they started the season a bit later.

For three weeks, things seemed to be going well. Sure, we were making fun of student bodies in the stands and their lack of either masking up or social distancing, but the non-lingering of the TV screens made us go back to the football.

Then this week, the news started to hit.

• Monday: Straight out of the gate, the SEC announces that it will postpone the game between Vanderbilt and Missouri. Vanderbilt has been struggling with COVID-19 cases, and it had decimated its team. Missouri seemed to be recovering from it a bit, and had the scholarships. The game was moved to December 12th.

• Tuesday: Florida announces that they have a bunch of new cases. A student newspaper points out that there are 19 new cases. The writer is attacked by various online outlets, to the point that she wrote: “I stand by my story”. It turns out that she was right, and the school admitted that on Wednesday. The LSU game suddenly looked in jeopardy.

• Wednesday (1): The SEC postpones the Florida-LSU game to December 12th. The built-in bye week at the end of the season is now looking more useful that ever. Check out what Stricklin said, and our reaction to the whole situation involving the players, who couldn’t seem to work out that ‘the sniffles’ might just be a symptom of a deadly pandemic. Dan Mullen walks back his comments about wanting The Swamp full for the LSU game. We think it was more to do with outrage at Mullen from Scott Stricklin than Mullen actually thinking: “Oh crap. I made a mistake here”. Travel from Florida to Texas A&M was blamed, with three Gators players who ‘had the sniffles’ travelled, and 3 became 19 very quickly.

• Wednesday (2): Lane Kiffin points out that there’s been an increase of cases at Ole Miss. Right now, he’s optimistic that the Rebels can get a team together for the game Arkansas, but this seems to be more hope. He seems actually resigned to that one being postponed, as well.

• Wednesday (3): The massive bombshell: Alabama head coach and God of the SEC Nick Saban has tested positive for COVID-19 alongside AD Greg Byrne. Saban says that he’s not got symptoms, although he’s compared how he’s feeling to: “Coming off a plane”. Saban won’t be allowed to coach from the phone or the press box, and has to be in isolation for 10 days. Saban talked about the wearing of a mask and how he’s done it all the time, but blamed travel. “Look, I basically feel like when we’re in our own personal bubble here, everybody is in a much safer place. I think as soon as you travel, you get exposed to a lot more things and a lot more people.” The news will worry people in the Alabama program that Saban – who’s not unknown for his hands-off approach, may have had the virus passed onto him via Ole Miss (who were the last team to play Alabama and now have cases). Was it the crowd at Vaught-Hemingway? Was it Ole Miss players or Lane Kiffin? No-one really knows. But it’s very serious.

This isn’t for SEC Week, you feel. And it’s only Wednesday.

Oh, and for the record on the Big 12, Baylor cancelled its game with Oklahoma State on Monday…..due to COVID.

Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin has said that there has been a COVID outbreak amongst his team.

He refused to say how many players had been affected by the virus, but did say: “We are not in a great place numbers-wise at all”.

“We’re beat up, too, from a very high-play count, intense game against a great team Saturday. So we are not in a great situation number-wise at all,” he added.

He added that the team could “play today” on Wednesday, but if that’s the case against Arkansas will be another thing altogether.

This College Football season has already had a few highlights.

We’ve had the return of Miami’s Turnover Chain, revamped and restudded (Miami’s also 2-0, so people are already saying: “IS MIAMI BACK?” (Clue: Yes, until they play Clemson and get beat by 40). There’s the laughter at the Big 12, who seem to be embarrassing themselves at every opportunity. There’s the Big Ten, who have managed to put the train back on the tracks, and frankly, we can’t wait until their match-ups start at the end of October, because More College Football.

But there have also been the cancellations or postponements. There’s COVID-19 cases and contact tracing and schools scurrying to make sure that all hell doesn’t break loose. Baylor and Houston recently fell by the wayside – and Houston’s bus was the sorriest sight in Texas – sitting outside McClane Stadium with nothing to play for an star-laden tweet from the school. And it wasn’t Houston’s fault, it was Baylor’s (Let’s be honest, if you’re catching COVID-19 as a football player right now, it’s probably your fault).

The Big Ten has put its foot foward, and put in some pretty strict guidelines for getting games together, with one of the strictest being “Any player who tests positive cannot play for three weeks”. Sounds harsh, but it forces players to effectively ‘bubble’ themselves.

So the SEC decided to instal its own policies. Firstly, the minimum amount of scholarship players on the field was 53. At a minimum, the position groups had to include 7 offensive linesmen (including one center), one quarterback, and four defensive linesmen. And the institution has the option to play with the 53 players or lower, but it would be sent off to the Commissioner’s office, who would either reschedule the game (probably) or cancel it (won’t happen, too much money).

It added: “Should an institution determine there are compelling reasons why it cannot begin a contest regardless of the scholarship and position minimums above, the institution may request to have the game rescheduled or, if the game cannot be rescheduled, for the game to be considered a no contest by presenting data (including total number of players not available to participate) outlining reasons why the game should not be played as scheduled”.

The move of 53 scholarship players is more focussed that the ACC’s effort, which simply says that an adequate number of players have to available to play a game, although it did add that at least seven offensive linesmen would have to be available.

The Big 12 has said that teams have to have 53 scholarship players, including 7 O-Linemen, four available interior D-Linemen, and one QB. They also have the same cancellation protocols as the SEC, too.

SO HOW WILL IT AFFECT ALABAMA VS MISSOURI?

Missouri, who’s already going to be heavy underdogs going into the Alabama game, said that 12 of its players will be missing the Alabama game. Added to this that two of its scholarship players – DT Chris Daniels and WR Maurice Massey – Missouri could probably turn around the SEC and say that their team was “significantly weakened” by COVID-19.

“Out is out,” Missouri head coach Eli Drinkwitz said. “Whether they got it or whether they contact trace, out is out. They can’t be around us, so there’s no reason to get into the numbers game and hype. It’s just we’re down 12 guys. It is what it is.”

And if the 12 continues to increase, Missouri may have to go to the SEC office and say: “We’re going to have to postpone the game due to COVID-19 testing”. And it’s not like that there hasn’t been precedent, either. Virginia’s game with Virginia Tech has had to be postponed because of positive cases…..and that was one of the crown jewels in the ACC’s season. A number of Big 12 versus ____ have had to be moved (The ACC has said that a minimum of eight ACC teams need to move forward with games in a week, or the season will be postponed).

Alabama head coach Nick Saban isn’t giving anything away regarding COVID-19 and simply said that Alabama was doing daily tests on players. It will be expect that Bama goes the route of Oklahoma and not releasing the amount of players out with positive tests, so it once again will be up to the Alabama insiders before game-time to release a true ‘injury list’.

But the bottom line is this: If things get worse in Columbia, MO, then Eli Drinkwitz’ opening SEC salvo may be silenced just days before the Crimson blitzkrieg commences. After all, why play Alabama when any area of your team is significantly weakened?

With the SEC season looming, there are some worrying signals out of the Big 12 that this season won’t be straightforward as we might have hoped.

For this Saturday’s start of the Big 12 and ACC seasons, already TCU has postponed its game with SMU, Baylor has postponed its game with Louisiana Tech, and Oklahoma State has done the same with Tulsa.

All of the delays have been attributed to COVID-19.

The most recent – and most unfortunate – one of these postponements was Louisiana Tech vs Baylor.  Louisiana Tech, based in Ruston, LA, was hard-hit by Hurricane Laura, which took out 90% of the area for 7-10 days, sending athletes scurrying to seek other places to live. That sent COVID cases flying up to 38 cases from the 1 that the school had experience pre-Hurricane.

The Tulsa/OSU game was moved to September 19th from September 12th because Tulsa had to pause practice for nine days after a raft of COVID-19 tests.

TCU also said that a group of athletes and training staff had tested positive for the disease – which must have been annoying for a SMU team that had gone through protocols successfully before their win over Texas State the week before.

*****

SEC fans must be thinking: “Why do I care? It’s the Big 12”, but it’s more than likely that if we don’t see games postponed, teams will feel the impact of COVID-19, bearing in mind protocols that enforce parts of the teams into quarantine if a member of a unit has tested positive.

For that reason Tennessee’s scrimmage at Neyland Stadium was cancelled last Saturday, and Auburn and LSU have experienced a great deal of problems. It won’t be surprising if most of the schools have had the problem …. although Auburn, LSU and Tennessee have been the only ones open about it.

Tenneesee has cancelled its scrimmage at Neyland Stadium today because of COVID-19 measures that made 44 players unavailable.

Although there were only ‘seven or eight’ players who actually had COVID-19, a large number of other players were sidelined due to quaratine measures – meaning that only 30 offensive players were available.

NCAA guidelines dictate COVID-19hat players tessting positive must sit for 10 days and have three days without symptoms before coming back to play. Players who have been determined to have “high-risk” contact with players who test positive are required to sit for 14 days (which would be in players’ position groups or a player who is within 6ft of someone who tests positive for over 15 minutes without a face covering.

This would be a reason also why Auburn is having so many problems on the offensive line as well with COVID-19, which has debilitated its line for practices.

All this has made me wonder: How many other SEC schools are having this problem but not telling us truth? I’m sorry, but I can’t believe that only 10 out of the 12 SEC schools have reported problems.

Or they just aren’t telling us.

The COVID-19 pandemic may have hit the University of Alabama’s school population hard, but it’s hit Auburn and LSU’s teams harder.

Auburn hasn’t been able to practice since Tuesday, because positive COVID-19 tests meant practice was cancelled on Thursday. Wednesday’s practice may have been due to the virus, but also due to social justice issues, but Auburn hasn’t been transparent about it.

And when they do step on the practice field in the burning, humid heat, the team will only have 16 players due to positive tests and worries about exposure to the virus.

“We are learning as we go here,” Malzahn said, according to 247Sports. “Every day and every week is a different challenge, and we talk about the teams that can be adaptable. It is a learning process, I think, for everyone and I think for us.”

As for LSU – according to The Advocate – Ed Orgeron’s offensive line has also been decimated, with ALL BUT FOUR (sorry for the caps, but you see what I’m getting at) players in that position tested positive for the virus or were deemed ‘high risk for exposure’.

SEC guidelines dictate that a player with symptoms have to see those symptoms lessen for at least 24 hours without medication before they can return for practice, and those deemed to have ‘high-risk exposure’ must quarantine for 14 days.

In LSU’s case, this could be particularly problematic going forward as they not only are replacing quarterback Joe Burrow, but also they have to replace starting LT Saahiq Charles and center Lloyd Cushenberry, as well as tons of other changes to the roster.

August 11, 2020, the Big Ten and the Pac-12 fired the first missiles.

After arguing as to whether the fall college football season should be delayed or not, the conference decided that that was it: They were cancelling fall football.

There were words of players practicing at Nebraska and Iowa. There was a sense of hope that everything could get sorted with a player-pushed protest. News of all but Iowa and Nebraska deciding to resist came through yesterday, but they had said there wasn’t a vote.

There was. And the red button was pushed.

But now, there will be no Game. There will be no bitter battles for weird jugs, trophies and helmets. We won’t be able to jump around, white out, wave at the University of Iowa Children’s Hospital, a Rose Bowl, make fun of Rutgers or any of the other things that we love about Big Ten Football.

Out west there won’t be the smiles from second hand smoke from a Buffalos hangout, a Civil War, Song Girls, evil looks up and down the State of Arizona and the Almighty Duck.

And now, the cities are gone. It’s gone the way of the MAC, the Moutain-West, and other schools and conferences out there. Nuked. All that is left is hope, tears, and what will become dust on gym doors.

We can only wonder if the players’ resistance on Twitter helped with the plutonium in the missile. After all, schools don’t want to ‘bubble’ football players. It would be admitting to themselves – and the outside world – that football players were in fact professional athletes. They didn’t want to accept liability if all hell broke loose, and they couldn’t stop hundreds of 18-22 year-olds behaving like college students. Schools also would pull out evidence from Major League Baseball, when two St Louis Cardinals players opted to go out into a casino and have shut down the operation for the last two weeks, and the Marlins who did it to themselves by not taking it seriously. I mean, if you can’t rely on people who get paid proper money to not take a measures seriously, then how you can rely on 18-22 year-olds, a lot of them who won’t even see NFL riches and go unthanked in practice game in, game out?

Over with our friends Tobacco Land, there is talk of a resistance. Doctor Advocates in General Swofford’s War Room have said that the league should go ‘full steam ahead’ because deaths from the plague might hit anyone, anywhere and football won’t be different.

We know about the stronghold of the SEC. General Sankey is starting the season late to buy himself time from pressing the button. He wants to go. We all want to go.

in the ACC and the SEC are still looking strong, and the Big-12 is wavering. General Sankey’s decision to delay the SEC until the end of September looks a strong one.

And how about General Bowlsby in Big 12 Country? Despite being laughed at by many over the conference’s incompetence at Play-Off level, his decision not to release schedules and the suchlike and keeping his head below the parapet now seems genius. He is on the fence. He has pressures from some of the biggest districts in his City to play, but he’s waiting, watching.

We have to be watchful, wait, wear masks, and be intelligent in our fight.

We might give up the battle until the Spring. Some of our soldiers might retire from the fight. Some might stay.

But we all need to be united. Stay safe.

And wear a mask as a sign of resistance.

The ‘Geaux Tigers’ and ‘Perfect’ newspaper front pages have long been picked up from Bourbon Street. The smell of vomit and stale alcohol still remains, but that’ll be covered up when another big party comes along this weekend. The ladies of the night are all driving Escalades now after the joyful celebrations of the Cajun many, and somewhere a story will emerge that a liver-affected Louisianan did try and hatch out of a plan to, er, visit one of Louisiana’s best-known striped friends to cap off one of the best season’s college football has ever seen.

It seemed funny that the headline-stealer for the offseason was not the person who (probably) tried to play Dr Dolittle with Mike, but Odell Beckham Jr, who behaved on a whole other planet of weird after the National Championship Game.

One of Death Valley’s favorite sons, OBJ was badly underused by Les Miles. He came away with 2,340 yards and 12 touchdowns in his three-year career in the Bayou, and deserved a hell of a lot more. The same could be said for his teammate, Jarvis Landry. Both are playing with decidedly overrated QB Baker Mayfield. OBJ seems to be trying to work out ways of getting out of Cleveland or at least, pissing off the fanbase. He did that on Monday by yelling about how it was happy that LSU won, and not Ohio State.

But that wasn’t even half of it. Not satisified with giving LSU players Beats headphones before the Play-Off semi-final win against Oklahoma, and presumably after consuming PCP and rocket fuel during the game, Beckham – who was also videoed taking the team band’s microphone and yelling stuff on there – rocketed out from the sidelines and started aggressively putting dollar bills into players hands.  There was a claim that it wasn’t actually real money, but it was none other than Joe Burrow who put his teammates under the bus. ““I’m not a student-athlete anymore, so I can say yeah,” he told Barstool Sports. LSU has immediately said it was working with the NCAA to rectify the situation, and probably to make the handing out of cash gifts to players more subtle next time.

Then, in the locker room, with the victory cigars smoking to such an extent you could have mistaken the Tigers’ locker room for a student hotbox convention, a Barney Fife police officer decided that he’d had enough of this miscreant behaviour, and told freshman offensive lineman Kardell Thomas that it was an offense smoking in a locker room. Odell Beckham Jr could also be seen in the shot slapping the cop’s behind. A warrant has now been issued for his arrest.

You truly couldn’t make this up.

Amid all the furore and headline-stealing of their former wide receiver, there came some major news in the form of Joe Brady. 

The creator of the Lazarus of Death Valley had decided that he was going to go back to the NFL, deciding to join Matt Rhule’s staff at Carolina as offensive coordinator. Because of his amazing season that made him a household name in football as well as his age, Brady will get lots of limelight and won’t have to worry about selling the school to 16 year-olds with attitude. Or have to take guidance from Odell Beckham Jr. Lucky him.

Oh, and then some major parts of the team left, too, with seven underclassmen (so far) declaring for pastures professional.

After expunging horrific memories of his brother in Baton Rouge, superstar WR Justin Jefferson is gone, so is safety and captain Grant Delpit and one of the most underrated-yet-superb running backs this season, Clyde Edwards-Helaire. All three will be first or second round NFL Draft picks. Star tight end Thaddeus Moss has also said he’s leaving, too.

Center Lloyd Cushenberry, LB/DB Patrick Queen, OT Saadiq Charles, and LB Jacob Phillips have all decided to leave the goldfish bowl, too.

There’s been a meme going around of Ja’Marr Chase standing in the middle of a house, looking around, wondering where it has all gone after the news came through. It wouldn’t be a total surprise if Chase throws and receives for 3,000 yards and 25 TDs as part of the new offensive philosophy: Throw to thyself.

It couldn’t be any stranger than Beckham Jr’s actions, after all.

(Oh, and one quick addition: Defensive coordinator Dave Aranda’s about to pick up the head coaching job at Baylor, too….(POSTNOTE: HE WAS HIRED BUT BAYLOR’S ONLY PLAYED TWO GAMES BECAUSE OF ROLLING COVID CASES)

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October 24th 2020

Since writing this piece, things have actually gotten even crazier.

• Ed Orgeron signs six-year, $42 million extension with LSU.
• WR Ja’Marr Chase opts out of the season. 
• Ed Orgeron divorces his wife of 23 years Kelly on February 26th. In the petition for the divorce it said that he had “lived seperately from Kelly from February 24th”, and then got the divorce on February 26th. That’s a quick way to patch up those differences, Ed.
• 30 players get quarantined because of hitting up a club or two in late June, causing a number of positive tests.
• LSU loses to Mississippi State in its home opener PLAYING ABSOLUTELY NO DEFENSE. It wouldn’t be too bad, if Mississippi State had run the table since. They haven’t won since.
• LSU beats world-beaters Vanderbilt.
• LSU loses to Missouri AND PLAYS ABSOLUTELY NO DEFENSE.
• LSU fans wondering if a 1-9 season is actually possible this year (CLUE: IT IS).
• LSU’s game with Florida is postponed to December 12th because Dan Mullen can’t seem to take COVID-19 seriously.
• LSU bans Odell Beckham Jr for 2 years from going anywhere near LSU property for handing out the money.
• Oh, and there’s also a case where a condemned fraudster/LSU booster (he went to jail in 2019) said that he gave money to former LSU O-Lineman Vadal Alexander. LSU said that they will cut out some recruiting time, and 8 scholarships (4 next year, 4 the year after). There is the hope that Les Miles getting fired and Joe Alleva getting moved away from the AD’s position because of LSU basketball head coach Will Wade’s much-publicised indiscretions might help matters (they forget that Miles was ‘canned because of money donations to players, he was fired because he was a crappy coach).
• Photos are leaked on social media of Ed Orgeron with another model.
• Freshman TJ Finley in as QB because incumbent Myles Brennan was beaten to within an inch of his life by Missouri’s vaunted front.