On paper, this is the hangover to last week’s drunken hijinks in the SEC. We saw a big party at LSU, with the booze flowing early doors, College Gameday excitement, and parachutes before the Tigers played the Florida Gators in a bruising evening game match-up. LSU won, and everyone it seems celebrated.

In Georgia, the hangovers were quite different, as hundreds of thousands of fans went from outlandish bark to tiny whine as their beloved team lost to the crowing Gamecocks of South Carolina, who left armed with some hedge branches and the biggest upset of the year so far.

On the other end of the spectrum, the smell of a steaming turd of a season festers in the nostrils of Vanderbilt fans, with those from Arkansas and Mississippi State not far behind.

Anyway, it’s Week 8 of the season. We’re going to be inspired, because, you know, it’s the SEC. So here’s our games in order of what’s going to be interesting.

1. No.9 Florida (-5) at South Carolina: With South Carolina’s victory at Georgia, suddenly Will Muschamp is loved. Dan Mullen’s loss at LSU was one of far more respectable than that of their hated rivals in red, and they seem to be in much better shape. Especially as they have a quarterback who’s not injured. We think that Tyler Hillinski’s going to be in worse shape than Will Muschamp’s letting on. Even if Florida’s without future NFLers Jonathan Greenard and Jabari Zuniga, they don’t have to really worry about a poorly Gamecock offense. PREDICTION: This will be tight until the fourth quarter, but Gators win out by 10.
2. Kentucky at No.10 Georgia (-25): Georgia’s going to come out of this one angry. Very angry. Jake Fromm will throw it less than the 51 times that he did against South Carolina, and Kentucky will be find it hard to stop D’Andre Swift, who’s been UGA’s best player this year. Mark Stoops isn’t going to comment on who will be the starter, but personally I’d give it to Lynn Bowden, who had a great game on Saturday, albeit against the off-color bacon that is Arkansas. He could challenge Georgia with his feet. PREDICTION: Georgia will be out to impress. And impress bad. Georgia by 31.
3. Texas A&M (-6) at Ole Miss: Our piece a few days ago said that is Ole Miss could find a QB who matched John Rhys Plumlee’s legs and Matt Corral’s arm, they would be golden. Texas A&M fans are fed up with being told that they are the best three-loss team in the nation, and are sick of the excuses that stem from the fact that they are an extremely ordinary side, which has finally been booted out of the Top 25 and now stands below Texas, Baylor and SMU in the Texan Pride Polls (which mean absolutely nothing but will be sure to irritate the Yellers). Fisher seems to be unsure of what to do with Kellen Mond, and the Aggies can’t produce on the ground. Crazily, this could be the game of the week. PREDICTION: Ole Miss with the upset, winning by 3. 
4. No.2 LSU (-18) at Mississippi State: While Joe Brady is college football’s flavor of the month for all his offensive work with the Tigers, Joe Moorhead’s flavor is stagnating at a speedy rate, and the locals are getting grumpy. His quarterback experiments have been disastrous, and there is absolutely no confidence in the team….as seen by the 20-10 loss to Tennessee. CBS has got it as the 3.30pm game…..probably because they like watching car crashes as the eighteen-wheeler known as Coach O’s offense crumples the Cowbells, and the defense showing that it’s OK rather than terrible for one outing (at least). We can’t believe the spread’s only 18 points, frankly. PREDICTION: LSU by 28.
5. Missouri (-21) at Vanderbilt: It takes quite a lot to annoy Vanderbilt fans, but Derek Mason has managed to do just that. This team has looked terrible all season long, and it was capped by a disastrous home swing against UNLV, where the Running Rebels ran away with a double-digit victory that didn’t look close. We thought K’Shawn Vaughn would run all over UNLV. He actually had 140 yards and a TD, but that was all Vanderbilt’s offense could muster against one of the worst defenses in the country. We aren’t kidding. So now, Missouri comes to town, and the Tigers are on fire. Weirdly enough, they are winning the SEC East, and division victory is actually Kelly Bryant & Co’s hands. PREDICTION: Fire. Derek. Mason. Now. Missouri by 24.
6. No.11 Auburn (-19) at Arkansas: We actually saw some fight from the Razorbacks for the second straight game (they could and should have beaten Texas A&M), and if Auburn aren’t careful, this one’s going to be close. We think that the Bo Nix experiment has lost its gold tinge suddenly, and the loss of Boobee Whitlow is going to make the Tigers struggle. The defense is amazing, though. PREDICTION: Closer than you might think. Auburn by 10.
7. Tennessee at No.1 Alabama (-35): Like the sun, hope seems to spring eternally for the mad men of Neyland, and they were finally rewarded by a couple of trips to the Neyland Stadium en route to a cathartic victory over Mississippi State last week. The win snapped a SEC-losing streak, and now they play Alabama in an attempt to snap a 12-game losing streak against the Tide. Well, it’s not happening today. PREDICTION: Is the third Saturday in October anything but a date anymore? Alabama by 42. 

Today was a fun yet weird week for the SEC. The weird stuff happened at Sanford Stadium in Athens, Georgia, where the  No.3 Dawgs lost in double-overtime to a South Carolina side that was a 23-point underdog, but had also lost to Alabama, Missouri and, er, North Carolina.

In Baton Rouge, LSU beat Florida 42-28 in an awesome game in the Bayou, with the Bayou Bengals surviving mostly by superior firepower on a night that featured parachutists coming down from heaven, a raucous crowd, College Gameday, and a lack of Gary Danielson.

And on the other end of the spectrum, an awful UNLV team ran away from a terrible Vanderbilt side, Tennessee got its first SEC win of the season over freefalling Mississippi State and Kentucky beat Arkansas,

Elsewhere, Alabama cruised by Texas A&M, Missouri pretty comfortably beat Ole Miss in a comfortable one.

Anyway, so here are our SEC rankings:

1. LSU (6-0): Joe Burrow is quickly becoming involved in the Heisman conversation. They beat Florida on Saturday night in a shoot-out. We know that their defense isn’t great, but their offense just keeps on coming. It should be interesting to see if passing game coordinator/wide receivers coach Joe Brady is around next year. Because of his miracles with the LSU offense this year, we suspect he’ll either get his first head coaching job or he’ll get an offensive coordinator’s job at a bigger school. He won’t be short of offers.
2. Alabama (6-0): The Alabama wide receivers are so damned quick. Tua is so damned good. Najee Harris is an unstoppabe running back. The Tide on the offense are awesome. Can LSU stop them? We will see. But right now, they are second on strength of schedule alone.
3. Florida (6-1): We said that this was a very good Gators side when they beat Auburn, and nothing has changed here. But defensive injuries meant that the Gators struggled late. Still, Dan Mullen’s team could well see Alabama or LSU in Atlanta again at the SEC Championship Game. They are that good.
4. Auburn (5-1): Idle, and watching carnage around it actually helped the Tigers. And got them healthier.
5. Missouri (5-1): Kelly Bryant has got this offense buzzing, but Cale Garrett’s injury at linebacker could take the Tigers back a few notches when they face the big boys in Florida and Georgia.
6. South Carolina (3-3): The merry-go-round that is the SEC East (Missouri beats Georgia who beats South Carolina) doesn’t mean South Carolina’s a better side than Georgia, but it happened.
7. Georgia (5-1): “I always thought they were overrated anyway” said a friend of mine – a student at Georgia – after witnessing the horror show on Saturday afternoon. For me, this has blown Georgia’s chances of getting into the play-off. Because even if the Bulldogs DO get to the SEC Championship Game, the Committee will ask the question: “Yeah, but who did they lose to?” The Bulldogs will go up the rankings again soon, but right now, they are a middle-of-the-road SEC side.
8. Texas A&M (3-3): Texas A&M lost to all the teams we thought they’d lose to, and struggled with Arkansas. This Aggies team aren’t that great.
9. Ole Miss (3-4): If Ole Miss could gel two quarterbacks into one (Corral’s arm and Plumlee’s legs), they would be golden. But right now, Ole Miss is mediocre.
10. Kentucky (3-3): We don’t know what to think of the Wildcats, but they beat Arkansas after sliding a little. They aren’t great, but they have taken a massive step back from last year. Their new QB Lynn Bowden is pretty useful, though.
11. Tennessee (2-4): The Volunteers’ victory breathed hope into the country’s laughing stock, and there is once again hope around Neyland. Who would it have happened after they went toe-to-toe for one half with Georgia.
12. Arkansas (2-4): The Razorbacks are playing with a bit of fire suddenly. Sure, the defense struggled against a Kentucky freshman QB today, giving up a 13-0 lead before losing 24-20. Right now, November 11th looms large…a match-up with Mississippi State that they should be favored in.
13. Mississippi State (2-4): We know that they beat Kentucky a couple of weeks ago, but this program is in such freefall that if you put these two together again, we’d be betting Kentucky all the way.
14. Vanderbilt (1-5): If Vanderbilt’s AD was a least bit clever, they should fire Derek Mason now and get a jump on a search for a head coach. He’s a great guy, but there’s nothing else to say. He’s got to go.

It’s Week 7 in the SEC, and things are suddenly getting interesting.

On Saturday night we’ve got the battle of the unbeatens as Florida travels to LSU. College Gameday will be there. It’s a night game in Death Valley, and thank God, Gary Danielson will not be there. Earlier, Alabama will go to Kyle Field to play Texas A&M on the CBS 3.30 game, and Georgia hosts South Carolina to start the day. Otherwise, it’s Mississippi State going to Tennessee (12pm), the battle of the NCAA-sanctioned as Ole Miss travels to Missouri, and a game that no-one should subject anyone to watch as Arkansas travels to Kentucky. Oh, and UNLV travels to Vanderbilt.

To say the least, it’s cardiac Saturday in the SEC. On both ends of the spectrum.

Anyway, once again we’re going with the order of interesting. And good. But mostly interesting.

1. No.7 Florida at No.5 LSU (-13.5): Death Valley is going be LOUD. Give Cajuns 12 hours to consume grain alcohol, and it’s going to create quite the atmosphere. Throw in a rivalry game where both sides don’t like each other (they’ve played each other every year since 1971) in the least, and the fact that the last seven games have been decided by 8 points or less. Oh, and Florida fans are still mad at LSU’s band playing during Tom Petty’s ‘I won’t back down’. No doubt that the LSU fanbase will be asking Florida’s fanbase to do something bestial to Mike The Tiger which is both dangerous and weird. There’s also the fact that both teams are unbeaten, with Florida’s defense actually playing better than LSU’s, but LSU’s offense is apparently the 5th wonder of the world (according to the press), with everyone getting orgasmic over Joe Burrow. LSU will be spreading Florida out all day, but Florida have great defensive playmakers to combat LSU. We can’t believe the spread’s as high as 13-1/2 in the favour of LSU. Prediction: LSU squeaks by 6 in a classic. 
2. No.2 Alabama (-17) at No.24 Texas A&M: No. 3 on Texas A&M’s horror show of a schedule will be at Kyle Field, as Nick Saban trots into town to face off against Jimbo Fisher, who’s having a distinctly ordinary year. The chaps at Solid Verbal pointed out that Alabama’s rush defense isn’t special, but then again, nor’s Texas A&M’s rush attack. The secondary will find Kellen Mond easy to deal with. This could get ugly early — and we’re not just talking about the poor audience who have to listen to Gary Danielson. Prediction: Alabama by 31.
3. Mississippi State (-7) at Tennessee: If you like pure, unbridled trainwreckery on both sides of the ball (if you like good offense watch Texas vs Oklahoma or if you like a good slaughter watch Georgia vs South Carolina), then THIS IS THE GAME FOR YOU. I can’t think of where both teams have been good this year, but that’s what might make it interesting. For a half against Georgia, Tennessee believed in itself when QB Brian Maurer came out. He’ll face a somewhat easier defense in Mississippi State, who are struggling with so much loss on the defensive side of the ball, and aren’t great offensively either. This could be fun mayhem. Prediction: Oh screw it. Tennessee by 3. Maybe 13-10.
4. Ole Miss vs Missouri (-12): There’s a lighter air in Columbia right now, as the NCAA have told Missouri that the result of their appeal against sanctions will come to light in the next two weeks. Since their awful showing against Wyoming, Missouri has done exactly what’s been required of them. Eyes will be on Kelly Bryant and whether he’s going to be massively affected by his knee brace, but LB Cale Garrett is done for the season after getting injured against Nevada. Ole Miss showed some teeth against Alabama in the first and final quarters of that game, but we honestly don’t know what to think about the Rebels. Prediction: Missouri wins by 10.
5. South Carolina at No.3 Georgia (-23 1/2): This is going to be easy going for the Bulldogs against a very, very ordinary South Carolina team. Even if they aren’t having the best of it in the first half, Georgia can adjust so well that they can blow sides away. This will be one of the sides they blow away. Prediction: Georgia by 31
6. Arkansas vs Kentucky (-6 1/2): This is going to be one of the most odious games of the season. Prediction: Arkansas by 7 in an utter trainwreck of a game.
7. UNLV vs Vanderbilt (-15): Here’s why this is more interesting that Arkansas vs Kentucky. UNLV is 1-4 and hasn’t scored more than 23 all season, and the LOWEST the defense has given up is 30. On Vanderbilt’s side, they are 1-4 and their only victory has been against Northern Illinois. The reason why we like it is simple gambling. UNLV gives up 5.28 rush yards per game, and Vanderbilt’s not exactly awful. So here’s our prediction: Ke’Shawn Vaughn puts up 150, and Vanderbilt wins by 21. 

OTHER GAMES PREDICTIONS:

Oklahoma by 18 over Texas

Notre Dame by 21 over USC.

Sorry for the radio silence.

We weren’t renaming ourselves.

Or firing people – because there’s one of us, and that’s me.

It’s because I requested a transfer.

Put myself in the transfer portal.

And the wife and I have moved to the hot cooker of football – Texas.

We’re in Houston, where the oil money flows like the water in the Bayou and the mosquitos are manic.

It’s great because I can watch SEC games in the same time-zone, not sit there watching until 5am every morning like I have one in the UK.

Our only problem has been the internet. AT&T sucks.

But thanks to the next-door neighbors, we’re back.

For half a season.

But half a season’s better than no season at all.

And let’s be honest: Apart from LSU’s trip to Texas, Auburn vs Florida and (maybe) Auburn vs Texas A&M, we haven’t had the big-time SEC games yet.

Of course there have been evolutions. LSU’s suddenly playing a spread offense. Gus Malzahn’s job security actually looked OK for a week, while Derek Mason looks like he’s got one foot out of the door. And people are starting to talk about ‘that’ Missouri’s defense.

The same things remain. Alabama and Georgia remain the teams to beat. Nick Saban is still yelling at the press. Players are still getting booted off teams. No-one likes the NCAA.

So we’re back, SEC. And we’re happy.

It’s nighttime in Death Valley. The War Eagle Flies. We’re running through the T. We’re chomping. We’re asking how ‘bout them Dawgs. We’re clanging, pig sooein’, rammer jammerin’, Ole miss by damn’. We’re a 12^th Man, the ZOU in MIZ, a Commodore, and a Wildcat. There’s even 2001 or maybe a Sandstorm.

Our churches aren’t small. They are megachurches, holding a screaming congregation that will bury you with noise. They’ve even been allowed some in-game communion wine to add to their palates during services now. It should make Saturday church a little louder. When they win with a God-given upset, they jump over railings, get stuck in hedges, surf goalposts through crowded streets and toilet paper trees. When they lose, they look like their world has been torn apart. The pretty sorority girls and young frats with their bow ties look miserable. The painted clowns look clownish and stunned. All of them use words to the heavens that they wouldn’t take with grandma to church.

But in our churches, it’s important to know our pastors. There are 14 of them. If they bring home The Ultimate Prize, then the size of the statue won’t do the achievement justice. Of course, the pastor must obey the main commandment of SEC football: Thou Shalt Not Lose. Particularly if it’s the cardinal sin of losing Eggs, third Saturdays, big games or Cocktail Parties – or losing too many SEC games. If they do, hotter seats than hell will appear and behinds will sit on them. Pastor Gus of Auburn has sought redemption a couple of time from being excommunicated. But this year’s another year. It doesn’t matter if you’re likeable. If you don’t help the congregation reach the higher plain, you’re out. Some elders will give a new pastor two or three years to work their magic, but after that, notice will be hammered on the door like Martin Luther did with his articles.

To make a pastor successful to his congregations, he must be able to bring in the moving parts from smaller, younger churches every season. Churches aren’t expected to fizzle out. We at the SEC don’t mind paying for talent, as long as we don’t get caught. Much. And after their success in college, they go to Big Church Sundays. We implore Mr Goodell, high elder of the professional league, to skip the preliminaries and just call your professional conference the SEC-FL? After all, our boosters probably pay more than some of your teams do. This year, Tua will again make the tongues waggle, although we’re also excited by Bryant, Swift, Fromm, Delphit, Jeudy, Mond, Williams, Stingley and a guy based in the Mid-West known only as ‘Albert O’. But there will be many more names by season-end. Because this is the SEC.

The pastors and the congregrations know who the biggest church in our movement are. At the moment, they are in Tuscaloosa and Athens. They are going to be pretty good in the Year of Our Lord 2019, we hear. They’ve got the West and East divisions running scared and their schedules measure up sweetly. It’s hard to see who is going to beat them. Hell, it’s hard to see who’s going to give them a good fight. We expect more drama at the SEC Championship Game. And no trick plays please, Kirby. The likes of LSU, Auburn and Florida will feel like ‘also-rans’, even if that’s not the case. There’s always room for the upset. See the last time Georgia rolled into Death Valley. Take a moment in thinking about the orders of service for 14 teams for the Pastor Jimbo’s congregation in College Station. It’s downright evil.

But there will be competition for the Ultimate Prize this year from other denominations. The congregation in Clemson in the Atlantic Denomination is pretty good. As are Sooners from Oklahoma in the Southwest. There are the people of ‘The’ and ‘Big Blue’ in icier Big 11, and we’re heard that there might even be a good team in the NorthWest who are known as Huskies or Ducks in the driven down out West. But against us, can they really hold their own? If there’s two teams that will compete with us for the Ultimate Prize, we’ll go for the ‘Eyes and the Tigers. The rest will falter and fall.

Beyond the transfers, the head coaches, the stadium reductions and the backhanders to recruits, the NCAA can change something else that would really take the sport a step forward: The schedules.

The ACC and SEC play 8 in-conference games and 4 non-conference games, while the Big Ten, Pac-12 and Big XII all play nine.

Gus Malzahn and Nick Saban both expressed a preference for nine games. In fact, Nick Saban has been lobbying for it since 2012, while Gus Malzahn last year admitted he’s had a Damascus experience on scheduling (probably because Auburn’s is so arduous year after year): “Nine I think is best for us moving forward to make the schedules more equal across the conference.”

Kirby Smart of Georgia – also one of the SEC’s most powerful coaches – joined the ‘pro’ shout. He said: “I think it [would be] a good thing, but I think you will have teams with more losses. Does it affect a team getting in the playoff? I don’t know, but I know you have a lot more games to get up for, a lot more good rivalry games. It’s not just about travelling, it’s just as much about the atmosphere of playing an SEC opponent, I think you are playing more comparable teams to your talent level, I think it’s important for college football.”

Other coaches haven’t expressed an opinion – possibly because half of them lost their jobs after the 2017 season, and the new ones have yet to have a voice. The only time that voters voted to keep the schedule as-is was 2013. Will Muschamp, while he was at Florida, said that it was likely to move to nine games in 2013, but never happened.

The ACC has done the same. While this isn’t a huge surprise bearing in mind the ACC and SEC are two of the biggest superpower conferences in college football right now (although the ACC Network is still going to be minor compared to the SEC Network and the Big Ten Network (that may well turn around during basketball season), it has to change.

For the fans! 

Why? Because not only are Big Ten, Big XII and Pac-12 looking at tougher, in-conference schedules which have in the end worked out nicely for the ACC and SEC, which have captured the last four National Championships. Both Clemson and Alabama in the last four days have lost less than five games. Combined.

Also in the SEC, the way that the rivalries work is rather stupid. What could be more dislikeable than putting together one permanent rival and one division rival?

It means that the likes of Alabama and Georgia hardly play each other in the regular season, and teams like Auburn get royally screwed because they have to play Georgia – and Alabama – every season.

We get that SEC fans like their rivalries. We love them too. If it was a nine-game format, the Iron Bowl will still exist. So will the Egg Bowl, the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, and LSU vs Alabama. We can still have the major cross-divisional rivalries like the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry (Auburn vs Georgia) and the Third Saturday in October, but we can also have one more cross-divisional games, which means the fans (probably quite important) get to see more East vs West games (which may reverse the trend of declining attendances, too), which will also be good for the ones that pay the bills – the SEC Network, CBS or ESPN.

Why should the SEC and ACC changing their schedules change college football in general? Easy. It shuts up the argument altogether. It makes for equality between FBS Conferences, shutting up the whole “we play more in-conference games than you”, because the other one (“We play in a more difficult conference than you”) becomes null and void. Not only that, it’s an easier job for the College Football Play-Off Committee to work out who’s should be ‘in’ with a flat schedule, and also, it pretty much shuts-up massive controversy.

What about the NCAA?

The NCAA will argue that ‘scheduling is not our business’, but that’s absolute crap. If the NCAA is happy to govern everything else, then why not govern one of the key aspects of the game? Not only that, but why are the conferences letting coaches or Athletic Directors – who all have biases on this subject but may well be fired before the next vote comes out (the SEC last voted on it in 2013 and ACC ADs voted on it in 2016) – vote on this altogether. The NCAA should mandate this and that would be that.

The ones that will suffer, inevitably, will be the smaller non-FBS schools, which rely on coming to a stadium and getting the living crap beaten out of them for $1 million (there are quite a few exceptions.

But unfortunately, college football is not a charity. Smaller FCS schools will still make their money. But unless there will be less of them. Will this lead to a shutdown of smaller programs? Sadly, probably. But will it be better for college football as a whole we see more and more in-conference rivalries? Definitely.

The biggest question stemming from the NCAA’s recent announcement that Missouri would be banned from the 2019 postseason is: Will Kelly Bryant stay with the Tigers?

The bylaws allow him to transfer without penalty, so he could take off and start at one of Missouri’s SEC rivals immediately.

Although Missouri is in a powerhouse division with Georgia and a revamped Florida, the arrival of Bryant signalled to Missouri programs that the team was on the up-and-up – maybe towards a New Year’s Six Bowl Game.

However, with the rules of a postseason ban, the only non-regular season game the transfer from Clemson will see will be on his TV.

Sources are saying that Bryant will stay, but unless Bryant makes an announcement, the question marks are going to get asked.

Of course, you can guarantee that the likes of Auburn and others who were chasing his signature will be telling him what a bunch of crooks Barry Odom and his team are (when in actual fact tutors doing academic work for football players has been going on for time and memorial), and Odom will have to battle to keep his player.

Missouri has been hit with a postseason ban for 2019 by the NCAA over academic infractions.

According to the NCAA, an academic tutor at the Columbia-based school completed academic work for “12 student athletes”, including completing online coursework that “included assignments, quizzes or exams”. The organisation added: “She completed an entire course for one student-athlete and completed portions of a placement exam for two student-athletes.”

The NCAA also hit Mizzou with three years of probation, a vacation of records in which football, baseball and softball student-athletes competed while ineligible, a 5% reduction in the amount of scholarships in each of the football, baseball and softball programs during the 2019-20 academic year, recruiting restrictions which included a seven-week ban on unofficial visits, a 12.5% reduction in unofficial visits, a seven-week ban on recruiting communications, a seven-week ban on all off-campus recruiting contacts and evaluations, and a 12.5% reduction in recruiting in-person or valuation days.

The NCAA also fined the football, baseball and softball programs $5,000 plus 1% of the budgets of the football, softball and baseball budgets.

Missouri will appeal the ruling.

Missouri head coach Barry Odom said about the fines: “The committee’s decision was completely unjust and unfair – to our team, to our staff and to our alumni. I’m very grateful for the clear, decisive and unified leadership we have here at Mizzou, and I’m looking forward to doing whatever I can to assist with the appeals process. Together, we will fight for this institution and I will damn sure fight.”

The Kansas City Star said of what happened: “Mizzou is taking a harsh penalty here for a misdeed it did not and could not be reasonably expected to know about in real time. The school, by all accounts, cooperated and followed protocols once the misdeeds were known. Mizzou would’ve been better off lying. Or, taking UNC’s example, better off creating, controlling and expanding the misdeeds throughout campus and over many years.” It added: “There is no evidence that Mizzou’s athletic department knew about or would have condoned the tutor — unnamed in the report but known to be Yolanda Kumar — completing course work for athletes.”

If you believe in such thing as social media noise, then Twitter shouted the loudest.

And in particular, the insufferable yelling came from the SEC – and most particularly Georgia and Alabama fans.

RANT NO.1: WHY WASN’T GEORGIA IN THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP PLAY-OFF AHEAD OF NOTRE DAME?

Georgia fans were screaming their nuts off about the fact that Notre Dame’s blow-out by Clemson meant that they should have been in the blow-out instead of the Irish.

“They don’t even have their own conference” said some. “How could the Committee talk about the best four teams? Sure Georgia, in their loss to Alabama, showed that they are one of the best teams in the country?”, groused another. “Notre Dame didn’t play anyone this year”, grumbled some more. And when we say “another” and “some more”, we meant Georgia fans in their hundreds – and that – of course – including, Georgia players, Georgia legend and ESPN analyst David Pollock, as well as SEC Network anchor Peter Burns.

And if you wrote something positive about Notre Dame or Oklahoma getting in the play-off, the rage coming out of people’s mouths – particularly from ‘SEC fans’ – was enough to make Donald Trump’s haters blush.

Georgia’s basic premise was this: The Bulldogs took Alabama really close, and therefore we were one of the best teams in the country.

Never mind the fact that they got the doors blown off them at LSU. Never mind the fact that they blew a big lead to Alabama in the SEC Championship Game. Never mind that Notre Dame finished with nine wins over bowl-eligible teams. Never mind that Oklahoma won its conference and avenged the loss against the team that it was beaten by earlier in the season (Wait: Did Georgia do the same last year??). Logic got a combative growl from doggies everywhere.

Of course, if the Committee and ESPN had sorted out an 8-team playoff, we never would have had the arguments in the first place, but that’s simple semantics.

BTW, one of the better lines from Twitter was: “If the Georgia players had expended as much energy on beating LSU as they did on Twitter tonight, maybe they would have won”. 

RANT NO.2: TUA SHOULD HAVE GOT THE HEISMAN

Anyone who’s anyone knows that Alabama fans are basically bad losers. If they win, they think they should have won better, and if they lose, it’s the end of the world. When Alabama beat Oklahoma comfortably in the second play-off game, Alabama fans turned their rage to the fact that Kyler Murray had beaten out Baby Tua to the Heisman Trophy.

Don’t get us wrong: They were more pissed off and jealous than Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction before the play-off game. But now that Alabama had beaten Oklahoma, they were even more pissed off.

The problem with the rage is that logic – again – seemed to have defeated them.

Here are both of their arguments….

• ‘Kyler Murray didn’t play any good defenses this year because the Big XII sucked” – That one was true. Then again, the one big-time defense that Tua played this year (Georgia), beat him so badly he had to be replaced by Jalen Hurts. Kyler Murray had an exceptional season. Even if the Big XII had terrible numbers, Murray was making plays with his legs and his arms. 
• ‘When will Kyler ever play a good defense? Tua faced one in practice every day of the week’ – Actually, Kyler Murray did face a good defense this year, and he proved he was a Heisman quarterback. After a poor start when his offensive line was obliterated, Murray threw for 308 yards and 2 TDs and ran for 109 yards and 1 TD on 17 carries on this defense. That defense was Alabama’s. And Murray didn’t do that because Alabama. After a poor first quarter, Murray stepped it up a notch, and the game finished with Bama winning by 11.

But again – where Alabama fans are concerned – logic took a beating.

I love the bowl time of year. I get to ignore politics for a few hours and sit and balance a beer on my belly and watch college football.

This is a beautiful time to be a SEC fan. We get to generally see a National Champion, and we get to celebrate by haunting others with our war cry: “SEC! SEC! SEC!”.

I was going to go for a long, weaving preview of every bowl, but I realised that this (might) suffice.

So here we go – Why EVERY SEC will win its bowl game.

1. Why Vanderbilt (-4)will beat Baylor: Vanderbilt can stop someone, Baylor can’t. Vanderbilt’s got one of the most underrated running backs in college football in Ke’Shawn Vaughn, who ran for over 1,000 yards in the regular season. Vandy QB Kyle Shurmur’s better than what Baylor will offer, too.
2. Why Auburn (-3.5) will beat Purdue: Because Jarrett Stidham NEEDS a good bowl game to lift his NFL Draft status, and Gus Malzahn needs a good bowl game to get some ju-ju off his back. And also, Purdue really isn’t that good.
3.  Why Florida will beat Michigan (-6): Florida will bring back all of its talent from 2018 for this one, while Michigan is going to have some heavy losses. Michigan winning by almost a touchdown? Are you kidding me? Chomp, Chomp, Harbaugh.
4. Why South Carolina (-5.5) will beat Virginia: Virginia isn’t very good. Despite Deebo Samuel electing to forgo this game so that he can concentrate on the draft, South Carolina will be just fine without him. Jake Bentley will pick apart Virgnia’s secondary with his bevvy of tight ends (Kiel Pollard, Jacob August, Kyle Markway and KC Crosby).
5. Why Missouri (-9) will beat Oklahoma State: Missouri’s en fuego after getting Kelly Bryant to sign for next year, and Drew Lock’s coming back for his swansong. Oklahoma State’s going to miss its best RB (Justice Hill) because he’s declared early. This will be fun, but Missouri will win. Double digits. Mark it down.
6. Why Texas A&M (-7) will beat NC State: Because Texas A&M’s a good team, and NC State’s ‘D’ is porous at best. Kellen Mond will have a field day.
7. Why Mississippi State (-7) will beat Iowa: Iowa’s offensive line won’t be able to stop Mississippi State. 96-tackle anchor Jeffrey Simmons has said he is GOING to play before he leaves for a bright future in the NFL. Good luck, Hawkeyes.
8. Why LSU (-7.5) will beat UCF: Because UCF’s QB Mackenzie Milton isn’t playing. LSU will grind UCF into the ground using their bevvy of running backs. This will get ugly.
9. Why Kentucky will beat Penn State (6.5): Because even if Penn State stops Benny Snell, Josh Allen’s going to kill Trace McSorley on the other side of the ball.
10. Why Georgia (-13) will beat Texas: Texas hasn’t got a great defense, and Georgia will run straight through them. It might be exciting early with Texas’ big wide receivers, but Sam Ehrlinger’s moxiness will get crushed by UGA’s defense.
11. Why Alabama (-14) will beat Oklahoma: Because Oklahoma couldn’t stop a damned thing all season, and it ain’t about to start now.