Drafting from the SEC: Stock tips

OK, so I’m your broker and the stock market is crashing. You look elsewhere, because you’re a gambling addict and you can’t sit on the loose change.

‘Let’s look at SEC Futures’, I tell you. Immediately, you’re thinking I’m talking about the Securities & Exchange Commission, and trying to work out whether the conversation that Larry and you had about bonds in the bar last night could have been eavesdropped by some genius in New York City.

‘No, no. It’s about the NFL,” I reassure you. “You know? The place where the owners couldn’t really give a crap about the fans. Yeah, they provide the atmosphere and add millions to their pockets in stupid merchandising, but it’s all about the TV money. As for caring about the players? The owners will care until they get too expensive for them. And then they’ll boot them. They’ll try every trick in the book to make sure that they save a couple of dollars. You know, because need the money for their Florida massages, their botox and their son’s cocaine habit.’.

OK? So the SEC kills it every draft. In 2019 SIXTY-FOUR players from the SEC got drafted into the NFL. THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE players on NFL rosters played at the SEC. Maybe that’s because they pay them the best, maybe it’s because most of our schools are basically either for rich dumbasses or straight-up dumbasses, or maybe it’s because they are just killing it.

 

 

So who are my top tips? Or who should I be careful of? Or who’s being too hyped? 

TOP

Joe Burrow (QB, LSU): Threw SIXTY passing touchdowns. A NCAA record. And it wasn’t against terrible defenses either. He also ran for five touchdowns too, and can scramble a bit. His 5,671 passing yards were third-most ever thrown in a college football season. The kid’s not exactly a flash in the pan, either. You know all the B.S. that SportsCenter’s been spinning about how he ‘came from nowhere’? That’s crap. He’s been loved since he was a kid. He’s used to being hyped-up. Now, let’s hope Cincy can draft a receiver or two to help him along.

Derrick Brown (DT, Auburn): In my view, the best defensive player in the draft. At times he was unstoppable. Got the award for college football’s defensive impact player of the year, and was the SEC Defensive player of the year. He caused fumbles, defended passes, and also he’s also a sure tackler. He would have had even better numbers if he wasn’t double-teamed a lot, either.

Jerry Jeudy(WR, Alabama): Blazing speed. Just….blazing. Jeudy had 1,163 yards receiving, and 10 TDs. He’ll be a first rounder and will come away as a No.2 receiver somewhere, but be a No.1 receiver by the end of the season. He’s going to give defensive players FITS.

D’Andre Swift (RB, Georgia): Swift is lucky because he shared a lot of the load during his time at Georgia, meaning that he wasn’t receiving the ball 200 times a season – like Jonathan Taylor at Wisconsin, who in our opinion was talented by overused. Swift is a machine who’s got great speed, and knows how to find a hole. He’s also damned hard to stop. He’s not a bad receiver out of the backfield, too.

Javon Kinlaw (Defensive Lineman, South Carolina): His numbers weren’t as great in 2019 as people thought they might. But then again, offensive line coordinators weren’t exactly facing the three-headed hydra when they were playing South Carolina, either. It meant that opponents could key in on Kinlaw, which they did. A criticism has been that he didn’t get away from double-teams as much as he could have done, but he won’t face the same problems at the NFL – unless he’s on a really crappy team. We expect him to be earning some serious money after his rookie contract runs out.

 

QUESTION BEFORE YOU BUY

Tua Tagovailoa (QB, Alabama): There is no question that had he remained uninjured, he would have been the best QB in the draft. He’s that good. But you know what? He didn’t. He’s got two ankles with bolts in them and one replaced hip. Basically, he’s a pelvis away from being The Terminator. There’s no denying that Tua’s got football brains and a cannon, but be careful.

Grant Delpit (S, LSU): Ignore the Jim Thorpe Award. Delpit won that because of LSU’s fantastic season in 2019. He got better and better as the season went on, but for me he was one of the more disappointing members of the LSU defensive part in 2019 – until the Tigers ‘D’ got its head out of its rectum and got better and better. NFL scouts said: “He misses an inordinate amount of tackles in a variety of ways”. That’s like saying: “Buy that car but the steering might go ever so often”.

Lawrence Cager (WR, Georgia): We love Cager’s height and his catching ability. But his injuries at both Miami and Georgia have hampered his progress. His injury wasn’t the reason why Georgia was taken to the cleaners by LSU in the SEC Championship Game, but it sure as hell didn’t help.

WORRY ABOUT

Jake Fromm (QB, Georgia): Because of the fact that he’s the ‘aw shucks’ guy that the pretty sorority girls down in Georgia loved because of his leadership and generally not been the a**hole that Jacob Eason was (or so we hear), people love little Jakey. They loved him as a pocket passer. I’m sorry. I’m not one of them. While injuries to his receiving corps didn’t help his completion numbers in 2019, Fromm – when he was harried – looked completely out of sorts. If you get someone who wants to sell you Fromm, you gotta be asking for a rock-bottom price before pulling the trigger.

BIG RISK/REWARD

Willie Gay (Jr, Mississippi State): Gay’s performance at the NFL Combine was sensational. If he – and a bunch of his teammates – had been around instead of having to sit out a ton of games after getting his ass suspended for academic violations (a tutor took exams for him), then Joe Moorhead might still be in a job. I don’t know if this was a one-off matter, but I do know this: If you can’t be bothered to do the work at a school like Mississippi State, how can you be expected to do the research in the NFL? Playing-wise, though, the kid could be a stud. We think he’ll be a 4-6th round pick though.

STEAL

Clyde Edwards-Helaire (RB, LSU): This might raise some eyebrows, but we’ve got Edwards-Helaire higher than most because the NFL’s evolving, bro. We’ve got offensive co-ordinators who want their running backs to be able to catch, and E-H does all that. He caught 453 yards and a TD out of the backfield, didn’t drop the ball, he can block, he’s a ballsy runner and put up 1,414 yards and 16 TDs for that machine in Baton Rouge last season. Someone’s going to take him in the second or even the third round, and they’ll have a steal.

Albert Okwuegbunam (TE, Missouri): First of all, don’t bother pronouncing his last name. No-one can. Call him ‘Albert O’. You call him ‘Fat Albert’, and I’ll laugh as he stomps your head in.  He led the SEC with 11 touchdowns caught in 2017, but after Derek Dooley as OC came in in 2018, the production dropped by half. At 6-5 he’s going to be a nightmare match-up.