One of the funniest things about the LSU vs Alabama rivalry is the amount of crap that gets talked between the fans. Fans of both sides (using #LSUHateweek and #BamaHateWeek hashtag symbols) have peppered each other with pretty unoriginal Twitter messages all week long. The great thing is is that at 8pm ET both sides are going to shut the **** up because there’s an actual game on, and we can focus on bitching about the game, not which side was more screwed by more refs. Both fans have memories like elephants, so they are really good at holding grudges, too.

Elsewhere in the SEC, it’s a battle for survival. Georgia NEEDS to beat Kentucky after its horrible loss to Florida last week to have any hope of winning the SEC East Championship, while Florida can keep its own hopes alive with a win against Vanderbilt AFTER its good win in the Cocktail Party. Texas A&M NEEDS to stop the rot with a win at Auburn, and Auburn NEEDS to keep on winning to stay in the College Football Play-Off – particularly with the fact that Ole Miss and Mississippi State have pretty easy games this weekend. And elsewhere, everyone else is off. Sadly.

No.5 Alabama at No.16 LSU

This is going to be an interesting game because of the amount of moving factors. Will Alabama run the ball like they did against Tennessee and Texas A&M, or will they run the ball like they did against Arkansas? Will LSU finally get some mistake-free QB play out of Anthony Jennings and (maybe) Brandon Harris? Will LSU’s wide receivers make enough plays to cause Alabama’s secondary problems? Will LSU’s defense actually be able to tackle Blake Sims? Will Amari Cooper get 15-20 catches? Will CBS pick up the rude chants coming from LSU’s student section (hell, the whole of Tiger Stadium). Hell, if they win, will the Alabama fans make it out alive after singing ‘Rammer Jammer’?

PREDICTION: Alabama’s a 6-1/2 point favorite, and although we love the atmosphere in Tiger Stadium at night, we’ve got a feeling that Alabama’s going to win this one comfortably. Bama by 10 in a game that doesn’t seem as close as that.

Texas A&M at No.3 Auburn

Remember this: The last time Auburn was a 20-point home favorite in a match-up with a SEC tire fire, they struggled. That was South Carolina a few weeks ago. This week the league’s next biggest tire fire – Texas A&M – rolls into town having limped away with a win over mighty ULM at home, looking for identity everywhere from QB to the defense. Vegas seems to think Auburn’s going to coast, because the Tigers are a 23-1/2 point favorite. We think it’s going to be closer. Here’s why: Auburn doesn’t have a great defense. Sure, the D made plays to ensure that they came away from Ole Miss with the ‘W’, but it was still brutalised by an Ole Miss offense that’s done little this year. Seriously, if Kevin Sumlin and his offensive guys get it together, Auburn’s in for a game. A&M HAS the weapons, people. Let’s not forget this. Speedy Noil can frighten any secondary and he’s due a big play on special teams. Kyle Allen surely can’t be THAT bad a QB, can he? As for the Aggies’ defense? Er….Anyway. They ain’t gonna stop anybody.

PREDICTION: We’re going for Auburn to win, but only by 14. Which isn’t going to be a bad loss for the Aggies, all things considering.

No.20 Georgia at Kentucky

A lot of people rushed to blame/fire/burn at the stake Mark Richt after the loss against Florida, but we can actually see the logic. Treon Harris, the UF QB, was brought in because he had a better arm and could run the ball better than Jeff Driskel. Georgia had a weak secondary, and therefore was constantly on guard for the run that never came. The Gators wide receivers became extra blockers, and UGA couldn’t deal with it, and UF ran amok. This week they face a Kentucky crowd that’s going to be baying for blood. This is a team that beat South Carolina, played UF to the hilt in The Swamp, and had the chances to beat Mississippi State. This is a team on the up. It’s also anxious to prove itself after being beaten to death at LSU in a game that before a lot of people tipped the Wildcats to pull off the upset. Nick Towles, the UK QB, has the arm to cause UGA’s secondary a ton of problems, and rushing-wise, Nick Chubb is going to need all the blockers he can to put holes in Kentucky’s defense, which despite struggling at times, has its fair share of playmakers. Watch out, Doggies.

PREDICTION: UGA’s a 10-point favorite. We’re going for Kentucky to win outright, folks.

Florida at Vanderbilt

Florida’s on a high, and Vanderbilt’s awful. That’s all you really need to hear about this game. Sorry ‘Dores fans, but what else is there to say? Your team has an 0-fer in the SEC, you’ve struggled in almost every SEC game you’ve played in (apart from three quarters of South Carolina), and even your non-conference games haven’t exactly seen electric performances.

PREDICTION: Florida’s a 14-5 point favorite. We predict Florida to win 21. It might be 21-0, but it still beats the spread.

UT-Martin vs No.1 Mississippi State

Mississippi State. Easy. The best thing that can happen in this game for MSU is that there are no injuries.

Presbyterian vs Ole Miss

Ole Miss. Easy. The best thing that can happen in this game for Ole Miss is that there are no injuries.

It’s that time of the year when people talk. They talk about recruits. They talk about titles. And they talk about whether head coaches are going to get booted at the end of the season. Did Will Muschamp save his job by beating Georgia decisively at the Cocktail Party? Did Georgia’s Mark Richt endanger by losing the same game? Has Texas A&M’s run of form endangered Kevin Sumlin’s?

Anyway, here you go with our SEC Head Coaches On The Hot Seat. Note that the lower you get, it slowly becomes very unlikely indeed.

1) Will Muschamp (Florida)

— Despite beating Georgia so decisively, Will Muschamp’s reign has been pretty horrible in Florida (26-19) – especially if you compare it to the God that was Urban Meyer. With the school floundering in the recruiting ranks (not that we take it seriously), and the school floundering offensively as well (we blame the stubborn and persistent efforts to put in Jeff Driskel), Muschamp’s behind is still tanned from the heat he’s feeling right now. If not burnt off.

2) Steve Spurrier (South Carolina)

South Carolina came into the season as a dark horse for a play-off spot, and on Opening Night, they fell to pieces against Texas A&M. And although one upside has been a victory against Georgia, the losses against (deep breath) Kentucky and Tennessee certainly have pissed the fanbase off to such an extent that the media that used to love HBC are suddenly starting to ask for his head. This could end as soon as Clemson, folks.

3) Derek Mason (Vanderbilt)

Vanderbilt’s a tire fire and has been a tire fire ever since James Franklin left it. And it’s been worse – much worse- than imagined. Vanderbilt has barely competed in any SEC games, let alone played them. The wins against lower opposition like Charleston Southern have been a struggle. The words “Out of his depth” don’t even come close to what people are thinking about Derek Mason. They are thinking worse. Much worse. We would not be surprised if the Commodores boot him this year and start afresh.

4) Mark Richt (Georgia)

This year (as usual) Mark Richt and Georgia was expected to challenge for a play-off place. Before the season started, Richt had to boot most of his secondary as well as a some other key players off the team for their own mistakes, and during the season Todd Gurley, the God-like running back, was suspended. They took the lead against Florida….and then were eviscerated. Such a loss – coupled with the loss at South Carolina (and look where South Carolina is now), got certain parts of the media and the fanbase screaming for a head. Namely his, and his offensive co-ordinator Mike Bobo.

5) Kevin Sumlin (Texas A&M)

Kevin Sumlin’s choice to rule the world from afar seems to have taken a bit of an ass-kicking in recent weeks, as the Aggies have fallen a long, long way from their excellent performance on the road at South Carolina on Opening Day. Kenny Hill is suddenly killed Kenny, the defense can’t tackle worth a crap, and the wide receivers can’t catch. While the Gods at A&M probably won’t fire Sumlin after two years of God-like Johnny Football, Aggies fans will be hoping they at least fire Mark Snyder, his defensive co-ordinator. And possibly the offensive co-ordinator Jake Spavital.

6) Bret Bielema (Arkansas)

Arkansas may be one of the most improved teams in college football, but they still have an 0-fer in the SEC and not only that, seem to be losing every game by committing the same old crappy errors. OK, so if they don’t fire Bielema (which the Razorbacks probably won’t bearing in mind that Jeff Long’s got other things to think about and that Arkansas is definitely on an upward curve at the moment), then they should at least can Rory Segrest, the team’s special teams co-ordinator/defensive line coach. Segrest should either concentrate on one job or go from them both.

7) Les Miles (LSU)

The greatest fun about LSU is that after they were destroyed against Auburn, people started to ask questions about whether the Tigers’ problems stemmed from high graduation to the NFL over the last two years, or Les Miles. A lot of people have nominated for both – particularly in the face of the success of other SEC West schools. The win against Ole Miss actually should have been a loss in Death Valley (thanks, Bo Wallace!). And while Les Miles ALWAYS provides an awesome soundbite, our big problem is less Les Miles (OK, we HATED what he did with the whole Jeremy Hill situation in 2013) and more John Chavis, his defensive co-ordinator. No LSU player over the last couple of years (yes, even the talented ones) have been able to tackle. And if they lose like they did last year against Alabama, the haters are going to hate both of them.

8) Gary Pinkel (Missouri)

This was never going to be Gary Pinkel’s easiest season after guiding them to the SEC Championship Game in 2013 – particularly after the amount of talent he lost to the NFL, graduation, and because Dorial Green-Beckham is a nasty piece of work (Bob Stoops doesn’t care). But the offense hasn’t just been lousy. It’s been horrific. A dumbass will quote you the 42 points that Missouri put on Florida. Someone who watched the game will quote a bunch of defensive touchdowns. And while we’d be SHOCKED if Pinkel was fired, we wouldn’t be if Josh Henson, Pinkel’s offensive co-ordinator is fired. In fact, he should be.

9) Butch Jones (Tennessee)

One SEC win this year and constant excuse-making about a young team will be fine for a year, but if Josh Dobbs gets injured/arrested/falls to pieces mentally (and the offensive line does the same) everyone will once again be asking questions about whether Jones was the right hire in the first place, and whether he’s got the stones to handle the war zone known as the SEC.

10) Mark Stoops (Kentucky)

The fact that LSU beat the crap out of Kentucky shouldn’t take away from the fact that the Wildcats has two SEC victories under its belt for the first time in years (well, since 2011), had the chances to beat Florida in 3 OTs in The Swamp (some might say the refs helped on that one), and gave Mississippi State the fright of its life a couple of weeks ago. Stoops has got Kentucky going in the right direction, which is good….for a basketball and horse racing school. Stoops’ biggest job this year may be keeping his staff.

11) Nick Saban (Alabama)

Three straight losses to highly-ranked teams (Auburn, Oklahoma, Ole Miss) and a close win over Arkansas had tongues wagging as to whether Nick Saban might be fingering retirement, and the possibility that Lane Kiffin might take over the spot (for all you Alabama haters, you WANT this to happen), but a destruction of Texas A&M and Tennessee has gotten the locals happy again. For now. Don’t be surprised if Saban’s DC, Kirby Smart leaves….potentially for the Georgia job if Mark Richt goes.

12) Hugh Freeze (Ole Miss)

We love the Alabama win, the Jesus heart, and the all-round goodguyness of Hugh Freeze. Who doesn’t? He’s also a great recruiter. But his offense in 2014 has been pretty awful all season long, and with the injuries, we can only see Ole Miss’ season becoming one big dumpster fire as it goes on. Look, “hot” is a little over-exaggerated for Hugh Freeze’s seat right now, but if they go back to being Ole Miss in a hurry, Rebels fans may well start asking questions. You know, because they are sooooooo used to success down there.

13) Gus Malzahn (Auburn)

God help Gus Malzahn if luck catches up with him. He’s had a lot of it in two years. Or is that skill? Or a bit of both? (Brainfart!)

14) Dan Mullen (Mississippi State)

Mississippi State is unbeaten and No.1. Mullen’s seat is notsomuch “hot” as “in demand”, which will mean one thing: A bigger deal for Dan come the off-season.

 

 

The reason why we’re so late on our SEC Power Rankings is that we’re trying to work out what in God’s name is going on with the two SECs. The SEC West is very strong. We know this because they all beat each other, and the games are generally pretty tight (apart from Arkansas, who loses tight games). The teams beat each other in the SEC East, but all the teams, are, er, very poor.

Therefore, we’re going to rank the SEC East teams, and the SEC West teams.

The only SEC East team that’s better than what Arkansas has to offer is Georgia, and Georgia – as shown as what happened in their Cocktail Party performance against Florida – isn’t very good.

SEC WEST

Get yer smelling salts and bourbon ready because no-one knows what in the hell’s gonna happen in the SEC West. It’s madness. It seems that all the coaches have done deals with Les Miles’ voodoo doll. 

1. Mississippi State

Props to the Cowbell Killers for remaining unbeaten. Sure, they haven’t made it easy for themselves in the last few games – and didn’t look like potential SEC or National Champions against Arkansas. But they still found a way to win, and that’s important. But still, if MSU plays like this against Alabama, they are losing by double-digits.

2. Auburn 

Auburn finds ways of winning, and causing two monster turnovers in the red zone was a way to do it. Any Auburn fan who was pleased that opposing receiver Laquon Treadwell got his leg broken in the process shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near Jordan-Hare Stadium. And any Auburn fan bitching about horrible SEC ref calls against Mississippi State has the refs to thank at the end of the Ole Miss game, I can tell you.

3. Alabama

Chilled out and watched carnage take place in the SEC, and waited for LSU.

4. Ole Miss

Lost a heartbreaker against LSU and now at home to Auburn. Missed a field goal. If it had taken its chances – as they should have in Baton Rouge- Ole Miss would still be unbeaten. Crap, if I’d not drunk as much in college I might have gotten a 4.0!!

5. LSU 

Chilled out and watched carnage take place in the SEC, and waited for Alabama.

6. Texas A&M

There’s a tire fire in Texas (well, there are a few), and one’s going on in College Station. We expect some firings in the off-season. Kevin Sumlin’s CEO-style coaching job – as discussed by the guys at Around Aggieland’s Podcast – isn’t in jeopardy, but you can tell that there are some really, really pissed people. Gig ’em Aggies, fire ‘dem staff!!

7. Arkansas 

Another weekend, another agonisingly close loss for the Razorbacks. And that’s all you can say about that, apart from Fight Arkansas, it’s gonna get better. Oh, and your cross-country team kicked ass in the SEC this weekend.

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SEC EAST

We’re going to describe every SEC East school comparing them to a bad movie.

1. Georgia

“Transformers 2” bad. They threatened to be good, but really, it’s a long process of crap with a bit of action.

2. Florida

“Terminator 3” bad. We wanted it to be so much better than it actually is, but the “give the ball to Matt Jones and Kelvin Taylor” was helped by shitty playcalling from Georgia and OUTSTANDING blocking from wide receivers.

3. Tennessee

“Taken 2” bad.  Hoped we’d get something a lot better than has actually been delivered. Although the franchise may rely on this kid Dobbs, who’s pretty good.

4. Missouri

“Children Of The Corn 2” A play on farming and Missouri, but really, it’s all about the horror. Or as we put it, Missouri’s offense.

5. South Carolina

“Ghostbusters 2” bad. Much was expected, but their defensive players are ghosts, and no-one’s afraid of ’em.

6. Vanderbilt

Think of the worst film you’ve ever seen. You can now make it your “Vanderbilt of movies”.