We were thinking of going with such articles as “SEC bowls we’re looking forward to”, but if we’re honest, we’re looking forward to all of ’em, unless we get drinking and then we stop watching football because we’re too busy catching up with THAT GUY who we went to high school with who’s back for a while to show off his new wife and tell everybody how he got that BIG CAREER in the city. Let’s face it, the guy who’s come out of this Christmas best is Will Muschamp. Gets fired by Florida, gets $6.2m for his trouble. Picks up $1m job as defensive co-ordinator at Auburn a few weeks later. And has a smoking hot wife to boot. We love you, Mrs Muschamp.

Anyway, rant over. Here’s our predictions:

JAN 1 – SUGAR BOWL / PLAY-OFF SEMI FINAL – ALABAMA VS OHIO STATE

We didn’t really believe in Lane Kiffin’s offense until the Auburn and Missouri games. And now, we believe. We believe in the strategy of speed, a mobile quarterback, and one of the best wide receivers in the league. We believe in a defense that still struggles against high-speed offences, but believes in themselves in the red-zone. We’re starting to believe in the secondary. We believe that Alabama’s going to beat Ohio State, and it’ll probably be by 10, if not more. Cardele Jones, Ohio State’s QB, has got a CANNON for an arm, but this Alabama pass rush is not Wisconsin’s.

PREDICTION: Alabama by 14 in a game that’s not that great. You know, except for Bama fans. We are hoping for lots of ESPN fan shots of wasted fans stumbling around the ‘Dome after overdoing it on New Year’s Eve and topping it up on New Year’s Day. 

(By the way, we think OREGON’S GOING TO BEAT FLORIDA STATE AND JAMEIS WINSTON’S GOING TO BITCH ABOUT IT).

AND NOW IN DATE ORDER….

SOUTH CAROLINA VS MIAMI (INDEPENDENCE BOWL), DECEMBER 27TH

We’ve never been to Shreeveport, LA so we don’t know what the place is like, but we’re sure it would be a great place to spend a post-Christmas vacation to watch the Independence Bowl. Or not watch it, because this game’s going to be ugly. South Carolina has been awful this season, and Miami has had no real identity, apart from being involved in an awesome night game in Nebraska. Which they lost. South Carolina’s got Spurrier, so we hope he’s got some cracks about the “U” in the 1980s.

PREDICTION: Miami beats South Carolina by 3 in a close game. Spurrier throws his visor a lot. 

TEXAS A&M VS WEST VIRGINIA (LIBERTY BOWL, MEMPHIS), DECEMBER 29TH

The over/under’s is 67 for this game. You are kidding, right? 167’s the better bet. And we’d still take the over. This is going to be fun.

PREDICTION: Texas A&M wins 143-141 in the longest college football game ever. 

ARKANSAS VS TEXAS (TEXAS BOWL, HOUSTON), DECEMBER 29TH

Arkansas ****ing hates Texas. They really do. We remember a few years ago when Texas came into Arky for a game in Fayetteville. The smell of hatred was in the air. These two teams have played each other 77 times in the past, so it’s not exactly a new rivalry. If they get a 14-point lead, there’s no other winner in this game than the Razorbacks. The Horns just have no offense. But can they get through Texas’ born-again ‘D’?

PREDICTION: Arkansas by 7 in a great one.

GEORGIA VS LOUISVILLE (BELK BOWL, CHARLOTTE), DECEMBER 30TH

Georgia will just be hoping to get through the bowl game without MORE big-time injuries/suspensions. Don’t be surprised if the Dawgs mail it in. The fans will be tailgating (those who actually go, who won’t be many) and talking about Todd Grantham, the Louisville DC. Since he came to Louisville, the Cardinals have been really good at getting off the field on 3rd downs, which wasn’t really a concept at UGA. Look out for DeVonte Parker, the Louisville WR, who’s really, really good.

PREDICTION: Louisville by 7. Also take the “over” on 56.5, too. 

NOTRE DAME VS LSU (MUSIC CITY BOWL, NASHVILLE), DECEMBER 30TH

CATHOLICS VS CAJUNS!!!! We can’t wait. We can’t wait for the comedy quarterbacks – Notre Dame’s Everett Gholson (who sucks), and LSU’s Anthony Jennings (who really, really sucks), some pretty bad defence, and ESPN trying to sell us on this fantastic rivalry. The last time these two met, LSU beat the crap out of Notre Dame in the Sugar Bowl, and it was AWESOME. The crowd was really drunk, and one of them had a great sign that said: “Even Rudy can’t save you!!” Can’t wait to see LSU fans in Nashville’s country bars. Should liven ’em up….

PREDICTION: LSU by 3 in game everyone would like to forget. 

MISSISSIPPI STATE VS GEORGIA TECH (ORANGE BOWL), DECEMBER 31ST

A pre-New Year’s Bowl for Mississippi State is a real disappointment for a team that was at one stage No.1 and an almost-cert for a play-off. You know, until they lost to Alabama and then Ole Miss. We love Dak Prescott, but we’re not sure how much more this team has in its tank, especially against a Georgia Tech that beat Georgia on the road and gave Florida State the time of their lives.

PREDICTION: Georgia Tech by 7 in the monster upset. 

OLE MISS VS TCU (PEACH BOWL), DECEMBER 31ST

Ole Miss and TCU fans: You should definitely go to Atlanta for Christmas. Atlanta’s got some really cool areas and is a lot of fun. We think it’s going to be 80:20 Ole Miss fans in the Georgia Dome thanks to the geography. The question we’ve got is this: Will TCU be going into this game with a chip on its shoulder after getting left out of the play-off, or will they be so distraught that Robert Nkemdiche & Co eats their offense alive? Oh, and keep Bo Wallace out of the Clermont Lounge before the game, the offense might click (after the game, Bo, Clermont away!!!).

PREDICTION: This is going to be one of the closest games of the bowl season. I’m stumping for Ole Miss in the upset because their D is better than TCU’s. A lot better. 

AUBURN VS WISCONSIN (OUTBACK BOWL), JAN 1

To quote an Alabama line, Auburn’s going to beat the hell of Wisconsin. Wisconsin was scuppered by head coach Gary Anderson deciding that he suddenly loved Oregon State, and Paul Chryst’s hiring from Pittsburgh is hardly inspiring. And it might be Barry Alvarez coaching the bowl game, it might be Chryst. Melvin Gordon will go at half-pace to try and not get injured (and still go for 150 against Auburn’s ‘D’), while Wisconsin’s D will not be able to cope with the fast pace of the Tigers. The big eyes will be on Will Muschamp and the defense, which will no doubt get criticised if they do one thing wrong.

PREDICTION: Auburn by 21. 

MISSOURI VS MINNESOTA (CITRUS BOWL), JAN 1

TRUE HOPE: Let’s hope Jerry Kill doesn’t have an epileptic fit. OTHER TRUE HOPE: Let’s hope some fans show up to the game. PROBABLE FACT: Seats will outnumber fans for this one.

PREDICTION: If anyone cares apart from degenerate gamblers, Missouri probably wins by 7. Maybe.

TENNESSEE VS IOWA (TAXSLAYER BOWL, JACKSONVILLE), JAN 2

When you’re playing the day AFTER the New Year’s Day Bowl and the College Play-Off, you know that you didn’t have a particularly great season. And this is the case for these two teams. Look, we think Tennessee’s got talent at wide receiver, but the offensive line’s so young, and Josh Dobbs has a lot to learn. And as for Iowa, we’re still wondering how Kirk Ferentz is in a job after inspiring nobody for about a decade.

PREDICTION: Iowa scores one for the Big Ten, winning by 7.

FLORIDA VS EAST CAROLINA (BIRMINGHAM BOWL, BIRMINGHAM, AL), JAN 3

Um….Er….Yeah. Great. Can’t wait. If Jim McElwain deals with 50% of UF’s offensive issues in this game, he’s an offensive GOD. That’s how bad the Gators are on offense (and still managed to dump on Georgia). The Gators ‘D’ is going to be tested by East Carolina’s offense, too.

PREDICTION: Florida by 14, although this game is pretty entertaining for the 500 fans in attendance.

 

 

 

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