For once people are talking about what this blog has been ranting about all season long: LSU’s defense is utter crap. They were shredded by Texas, Florida and Alabama – all of which were good teams – so we’ll grant them that. The secondary – the self-proclaimed ‘DBU’ throughout the season hasn’t been great.

And it was all shown up on Saturday against Ole Miss.

LSU won because their offense was a little better than Ole Miss’ in the Tigers’ 58-37 victory, but the defense gave up SIX HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN YARDS, including 400 on the ground. We’ll say it again, 400 yards on the ground. The defensive line never hurried John Rhys Plumlee and Matt Corrall, and they totalled just 5 tackles-for-loss. The defense look unmotivated, almost to the point of not cared.

Joe Burrow pointed out that he couldn’t understand why a team that put up 700 yards was mad in the locker room. Well Joe, because if LSU’s defense plays like that in the SEC Championship Game, it’s got problems. If it comes against Ohio State or Clemson in the College Football Play-Off, it’s definitely got problems.

No-one can stop them and they sure as hell can’t stop you. So they are a Big XII team. 

Ranking the SEC teams with :

–—- RIGHT HERE ARE THE SEC ELITE TEAMS —– 

1. Georgia (9-1): Helped by some awful refereeing, Georgia battled through an excellent Auburn defense to win 21-14. It was looking much more comfortable than that until the Bulldogs suddenly decided to give Bo Nix time to throw – which he did, connecting with a few receivers. Georgia doesn’t have a wonderful offense, but in the SEC Championship Game we expect DeAndre Swift to run roughshod. And the Bulldogs have enough good defense to stop LSU. All we are thinking is: “Don’t play zone. Don’t play zone. Don’t play zone.”
2. LSU (10-0): LSU IS A BIG 12 TEAM.
3. Alabama (9-1): Tua’s done for the year. It won’t matter next week, but it will in the Iron Bowl. Still Mac Jones and Bo Nix look fair fights. In fact, we’d take Mac Jones.
4. Florida (8-2): The Gators rolled past Missouri in the second half. These jort-wearers are looking good (unlike their teeth).

—-RIGHT HERE IS LEAGUE OF THE TWO BEST THREE-LOSS TEAMS IN THE COUNTRY—–

1. Auburn (7-3): THE BEST THREE-LOSS TEAM IN THE COUNTRY. Seriously though, what did that defense do to deserve an offense like that? And even when Gus Malzahn dialled up the perfect play, Bo Nix couldn’t execute. I still don’t understand why Joey Gatewood wasn’t given more of an opportunity.
2. Texas A&M (7-3): USED TO BE THE BEST THREE-LOSS TEAM IN THE COUNTRY. The classiest moment in college football this season happened in Kyle Field on Saturday night, when the Texas A&M crowd held up three fingers to acknowledge the death of South Carolina QB’s Ryan Hilinki’s brother Tyler. And even cooler? At Midnight Yell the day before the A&M cheerleaders asked the fans to honor the player the day beforehand.

—- RIGHT HERE IS THE LEAGUE OF ORDINARY—-

1. Tennessee (5-5): Beat bye week, which gave Tennessee fans nothing to yell at. It was a strange day in the Appalachians.
2. Kentucky (5-5): Eviscerated Vanderbilt. Lynn Bowden Jr might be going back to wide receiving duties next year, but right now he’s playing well. Kentucky’s SEC schedule is over (3-5), but they can still get to a bowl game with one win over either UT-Martin and Louisville. Quite frankly, it should be two.

—– RIGHT HERE IS THE LEAGUE OF STINKY EGGINESS—— 

1. Ole Miss (4-7): Ole Miss couldn’t stop LSU, but LSU couldn’t stop Ole Miss. It was a fun game played in a terrible atmosphere. The Egg Bowl will bring all the hatred back on Thanksgiving, though, when we watch two terrible teams throw crap at each other. The one who has least faeces on his uniform wins.
2. Mississippi State (4-7): A win over bye week means that no-one blamed Joe Moorhead for the loss.

—- RIGHT HERE IS THE LEAGUE OF ROTTING GARBAGE—-

Warning: This is a much of a muchness. South Carolina are No.1 because they beat Georgia. 

1. South Carolina (4-7): Again, looked utterly inept against Texas A&M – not helped by the loss of star WR Bryan Edwards. Will Muschamp’s staying for another year. Here’s to hoping in the meantime the Gamecocks for him to can Bryan McLendon, the team’s OC.
2. Vanderbilt (2-8): The Commodores are so bad. And still thumped Missouri a couple of weeks’ ago.
3. Missouri (5-5): Got soundly beaten by Florida. The Tigers last scored a touchdown in the third quarter of the 29-7 loss at Kentucky. Two-and-a-third games ago. Why are they the second-worst team in the SEC right now? Because it seems that the team’s downwards trajectory can’t be stopped. Barry Odom still needs a win from Tennessee and Arkansas to make a bowl game. And quite frankly, we can’t see it against Tennessee.

—- ON THEIR OWN GODDAWFULLNESS

Arkansas (2-8): ‘Nuff said. Still, with LSU’s defense they could score 14-21 points next Saturday.

It’s hard not be excited about this weekend’s clash between LSU and Alabama in Tuscaloosa.

College Gameday’s excited. CBS is excited. The SEC is excited. The 100,000 fans who are going to be there are excited, plus the thousands who are going to be tailgating. The College Football Play-Off Committee – who voted LSU No.2 and Alabama as No3 – is excited.

Oh, and Donald Trump’s excited. He just loves college football, man, he’s not there for political capital or anything.

This is going to be a showdown of offenses. Both are sizzling right now. Joe Burrow and Tua Tagovailoa have got their offenses on afterburn, helped by explosive future NFL wide receivers on both sides. The defenses? Both have looked a little porous, although with Alabama it’s been the ‘bend but don’t break style’, while LSU’s gone for the Big XII-style “Shoot, we’ll just outscore ’em” style.

To give the stats, LSU has the 4th-best offense in the nation, averaging a tidy 46.8 points per game. Alabama has had 48.6 points per game (ranking second). Alabama has given up 122 points to LSU’s 160, and a lot of people will point that a vast majority of Alabama’s points-concessions happened during junk time when the Tide were already gazillions of points in front.

LSU has faced by far and away the better teams, with a trip to then-Top 10 team Texas followed by monster home games against Florida and Auburn. Alabama can point to winning at Kyle Field, and, er, battles against South Carolina and Tennessee.

Joe Burrow has been talked about as the nation’s leading Heisman contender, throwing for 2,805 yards and 30 TDs this season. He’s been helped by a spread offense that’s finally using some of the best athletes in the land – a stretch away from the previous historical incompetencies that made Jarvis Landry and Odell Beckham Jr almost sideshows a few years ago. His weapons – Justin Jefferson (819 yards, 9 TDs) and Ja’Mar Chase (749 yards, 9 TDs) have both been deadly, but Terrance Marshall (333 yards, 7 TDs) and Thaddeus Moss have also contributed heavily. Oh, and RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire (808 yards, 8 TDs) can fly too.

But all the talk is the injury to Tua, who has banked 2,166 yards and 27 TDs so far this season. The QB injured his ankle against Tennessee and consequently needed ankle surgery. We don’t know what his progress is, but Nick Saban has said he will be a game-time decision. Since Saban isn’t going to tell anyone whether his future NFL first-rounder is OK or not before the biggest clash of the year, we won’t know until he steps on that field.

The biggest problem for LSU, though, is their defense. The last time a team with a semi-competent offense came along, they conceded 28 points and 457 yards (Florida). Before that all was the talk about Joe Burrow’s monster game at Texas (he passed for 471 yards), but people seem to forget that Sam Ehlinger threw on LSU’s ‘vaunted’ secondary for 407. If LSU’s ‘D’ plays as badly as they did in those two games, they are a world of trouble. It’s not going to be helped by the fact that future first rounder Grant Delpit is back, but probably he won’t be 100%. Derek Stingley Jr, one of the best freshman CBs in the nation, is also questionable. If they aren’t 100%, how on earth will they stop Jeremy Jeudy (682 yards, 8 TDs), Henry Ruggs (588 yards, 7 TDs), and Devonta Smith (721 yards, 9 TDs)?

If Tua is hurt, then it’s advantage LSU for sure. Of course, Najee Harris and Brian Robinson will smash the ball down the throat of LSU, hoping to shorten the game and control the ball, helped by the fact that LSU’s starting LB Michael Divinity has left the team for reasons unknown.

PREDICTION: If Tua is healthy, Alabama will win by 10, if not LSU wins by 7.

And the rest?

2) Missouri at No.6 Georgia (-10 1/2) : The Bulldogs jumped back into the National Conversation after beating Florida at the Cocktail Party, while Missouri has gone completely the wrong way after incompetent losses to Vanderbilt and Kentucky. Frankly, we’re surprised that the line’s not higher in Georgia’s favour. If Missouri gets housed this weekend, there will be a ton of pressure on Barry Odom. PREDICTION: Georgia by 17.

3) Vanderbilt at No.10 Florida (-28): Florida wasn’t great against Georgia, and still managed to keep it tight against Georgia. All eyes will be on Florida DC Todd Grantham not to screw it up on third down like he did against Georgia….although against Vanderbilt, this will be far worse opposition. PREDICTION: Florida by 31.

4) App State at South Carolina (-5 1/2): The Gamecocks weren’t impressed against Vanderbilt, but it was never close. Applachian State’s offense has enough to cause anyone problems (they are 13th in the nation in scoring), so this should be more fun than most people think it might be. PREDICTION: South Carolina by 10.

5) Western Kentucky at Arkansas (-1): This is how terrible Arkansas is. They are a 1-point favorite against an offense that is ranked 108th in the country. Sure, their defense is horrible, but how bad can it get? PREDICTION: Arkansas by 10. 

6) New Mexico at Ole Miss (-31): Yawn. PREDICTION: Ole Miss by 42.

It’s nighttime in Death Valley. The War Eagle Flies. We’re running through the T. We’re chomping. We’re asking how ‘bout them Dawgs. We’re clanging, pig sooein’, rammer jammerin’, Ole miss by damn’. We’re a 12^th Man, the ZOU in MIZ, a Commodore, and a Wildcat. There’s even 2001 or maybe a Sandstorm.

Our churches aren’t small. They are megachurches, holding a screaming congregation that will bury you with noise. They’ve even been allowed some in-game communion wine to add to their palates during services now. It should make Saturday church a little louder. When they win with a God-given upset, they jump over railings, get stuck in hedges, surf goalposts through crowded streets and toilet paper trees. When they lose, they look like their world has been torn apart. The pretty sorority girls and young frats with their bow ties look miserable. The painted clowns look clownish and stunned. All of them use words to the heavens that they wouldn’t take with grandma to church.

But in our churches, it’s important to know our pastors. There are 14 of them. If they bring home The Ultimate Prize, then the size of the statue won’t do the achievement justice. Of course, the pastor must obey the main commandment of SEC football: Thou Shalt Not Lose. Particularly if it’s the cardinal sin of losing Eggs, third Saturdays, big games or Cocktail Parties – or losing too many SEC games. If they do, hotter seats than hell will appear and behinds will sit on them. Pastor Gus of Auburn has sought redemption a couple of time from being excommunicated. But this year’s another year. It doesn’t matter if you’re likeable. If you don’t help the congregation reach the higher plain, you’re out. Some elders will give a new pastor two or three years to work their magic, but after that, notice will be hammered on the door like Martin Luther did with his articles.

To make a pastor successful to his congregations, he must be able to bring in the moving parts from smaller, younger churches every season. Churches aren’t expected to fizzle out. We at the SEC don’t mind paying for talent, as long as we don’t get caught. Much. And after their success in college, they go to Big Church Sundays. We implore Mr Goodell, high elder of the professional league, to skip the preliminaries and just call your professional conference the SEC-FL? After all, our boosters probably pay more than some of your teams do. This year, Tua will again make the tongues waggle, although we’re also excited by Bryant, Swift, Fromm, Delphit, Jeudy, Mond, Williams, Stingley and a guy based in the Mid-West known only as ‘Albert O’. But there will be many more names by season-end. Because this is the SEC.

The pastors and the congregrations know who the biggest church in our movement are. At the moment, they are in Tuscaloosa and Athens. They are going to be pretty good in the Year of Our Lord 2019, we hear. They’ve got the West and East divisions running scared and their schedules measure up sweetly. It’s hard to see who is going to beat them. Hell, it’s hard to see who’s going to give them a good fight. We expect more drama at the SEC Championship Game. And no trick plays please, Kirby. The likes of LSU, Auburn and Florida will feel like ‘also-rans’, even if that’s not the case. There’s always room for the upset. See the last time Georgia rolled into Death Valley. Take a moment in thinking about the orders of service for 14 teams for the Pastor Jimbo’s congregation in College Station. It’s downright evil.

But there will be competition for the Ultimate Prize this year from other denominations. The congregation in Clemson in the Atlantic Denomination is pretty good. As are Sooners from Oklahoma in the Southwest. There are the people of ‘The’ and ‘Big Blue’ in icier Big 11, and we’re heard that there might even be a good team in the NorthWest who are known as Huskies or Ducks in the driven down out West. But against us, can they really hold their own? If there’s two teams that will compete with us for the Ultimate Prize, we’ll go for the ‘Eyes and the Tigers. The rest will falter and fall.

Beyond the transfers, the head coaches, the stadium reductions and the backhanders to recruits, the NCAA can change something else that would really take the sport a step forward: The schedules.

The ACC and SEC play 8 in-conference games and 4 non-conference games, while the Big Ten, Pac-12 and Big XII all play nine.

Gus Malzahn and Nick Saban both expressed a preference for nine games. In fact, Nick Saban has been lobbying for it since 2012, while Gus Malzahn last year admitted he’s had a Damascus experience on scheduling (probably because Auburn’s is so arduous year after year): “Nine I think is best for us moving forward to make the schedules more equal across the conference.”

Kirby Smart of Georgia – also one of the SEC’s most powerful coaches – joined the ‘pro’ shout. He said: “I think it [would be] a good thing, but I think you will have teams with more losses. Does it affect a team getting in the playoff? I don’t know, but I know you have a lot more games to get up for, a lot more good rivalry games. It’s not just about travelling, it’s just as much about the atmosphere of playing an SEC opponent, I think you are playing more comparable teams to your talent level, I think it’s important for college football.”

Other coaches haven’t expressed an opinion – possibly because half of them lost their jobs after the 2017 season, and the new ones have yet to have a voice. The only time that voters voted to keep the schedule as-is was 2013. Will Muschamp, while he was at Florida, said that it was likely to move to nine games in 2013, but never happened.

The ACC has done the same. While this isn’t a huge surprise bearing in mind the ACC and SEC are two of the biggest superpower conferences in college football right now (although the ACC Network is still going to be minor compared to the SEC Network and the Big Ten Network (that may well turn around during basketball season), it has to change.

For the fans! 

Why? Because not only are Big Ten, Big XII and Pac-12 looking at tougher, in-conference schedules which have in the end worked out nicely for the ACC and SEC, which have captured the last four National Championships. Both Clemson and Alabama in the last four days have lost less than five games. Combined.

Also in the SEC, the way that the rivalries work is rather stupid. What could be more dislikeable than putting together one permanent rival and one division rival?

It means that the likes of Alabama and Georgia hardly play each other in the regular season, and teams like Auburn get royally screwed because they have to play Georgia – and Alabama – every season.

We get that SEC fans like their rivalries. We love them too. If it was a nine-game format, the Iron Bowl will still exist. So will the Egg Bowl, the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, and LSU vs Alabama. We can still have the major cross-divisional rivalries like the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry (Auburn vs Georgia) and the Third Saturday in October, but we can also have one more cross-divisional games, which means the fans (probably quite important) get to see more East vs West games (which may reverse the trend of declining attendances, too), which will also be good for the ones that pay the bills – the SEC Network, CBS or ESPN.

Why should the SEC and ACC changing their schedules change college football in general? Easy. It shuts up the argument altogether. It makes for equality between FBS Conferences, shutting up the whole “we play more in-conference games than you”, because the other one (“We play in a more difficult conference than you”) becomes null and void. Not only that, it’s an easier job for the College Football Play-Off Committee to work out who’s should be ‘in’ with a flat schedule, and also, it pretty much shuts-up massive controversy.

What about the NCAA?

The NCAA will argue that ‘scheduling is not our business’, but that’s absolute crap. If the NCAA is happy to govern everything else, then why not govern one of the key aspects of the game? Not only that, but why are the conferences letting coaches or Athletic Directors – who all have biases on this subject but may well be fired before the next vote comes out (the SEC last voted on it in 2013 and ACC ADs voted on it in 2016) – vote on this altogether. The NCAA should mandate this and that would be that.

The ones that will suffer, inevitably, will be the smaller non-FBS schools, which rely on coming to a stadium and getting the living crap beaten out of them for $1 million (there are quite a few exceptions.

But unfortunately, college football is not a charity. Smaller FCS schools will still make their money. But unless there will be less of them. Will this lead to a shutdown of smaller programs? Sadly, probably. But will it be better for college football as a whole we see more and more in-conference rivalries? Definitely.

It’s  going to be an interesting week in the SEC. Most people with have their eyes glued to Georgia’s trip to Death Valley. Personally, we wish that it was a 7pm kick-off rather than the 3.30, but that’s because we love a raucous Tiger Stadium (and so will the fans who have to endure the humidity!!). Then there’s Texas A&M’s potentially tricky trip to South Carolina, Florida going to Vandy, Ole Miss playing Arkansas in the ‘Battle of The Worst Teams In The SEC West’, and Tennessee’s trip to Auburn. Oh, and Missouri go to Alabama as the latest sacrificial lambs to Nick Saban’s offense.

Anyway, so here we go….

1. No.2 Georgia (-7.5) at LSU: Our fear for LSU is this: UGA QB Jake Fromm isn’t going to give LSU’s excellent secondary the chance for a lot of break-ups and interceptions, but the Tigers were at times gashed by Florida last week on the road, giving up 215 and 2 TDs on the floor. The week before, LSU gave up 150 and a TD. The Tigers have only had one game where they have given up less than 80. And they face a Georgia team in Elijah Holyfield and D’Andre Swift who could do some real damage down there. And although offensively LSU has the height advantage receivers-wise, if they perform like they did in that last drive for Joe Burrow, they are in trouble. And while it’s been noted that both teams have been excellent in the red-zone, I would trust UGA to put more chances away than LSU – particularly with LSU’s beaten-up offensive line. PREDICTION: Dawgs bark. Georgia by 14 in a convincing road win. An additional note for betting folks: The last time LSU was as bigger an underdog to a team, it was Alabama when they went to Bryant-Denny as 20.5 point dogs. The last time they were a plentiful home underdog was Auburn last year, when they were 7pts to the bad. For those gambling deviants, Ed Orgeron’s team came out 2-0 (1-1 in actual game results). 
2. No.22 Texas A&M (-2.5) at South Carolina: Texas A&M’s only two losses of the season have been to ‘Bama and Clemson, and they beat a ranked team (Kentucky) more comfortably than the victory in overtime might suggest. Kellen Mond is an excellent quarterback who should flourish against a South Carolina defense which is….ahem….not great. South Carolina rode their luck against Missouri last week with regards to poor officiating, poor weather, and Mizzou’s defensive disability, and we aren’t convinced that they are very good – even with Home Field Advantage. There will be a lot of Sandstorm, but when that settles, it’ll be the Aggies who should come out victorious. PREDICTION: Texas A&M by 13. 
3. Ole Miss (-7) at Arkansas: If your recipe for fun is College Football Trainwreck, then please consider the Ole Miss-Arkansas game as one that’l be just to your taste. Ole Miss’ offense let all hang out against poor ULM, dropping 70 points and over 800 yards. But Arkansas did what no offense had done this year against Alabama – score 31 points on them. This game will be more about ball control from Arkansas’ point-of-view in an effort to deal with an Ole Miss offensive that can put up the points, quickly. Arkansas’ passing defense gives up 271 yards per game (12th in the SEC), which doesn’t fill us with optimism against an Ole Miss team that can drop bombs. However, Ole Miss’ defense is absolutely terrible (worst in the SEC, 124th in the country out of 130, and second-lowest among Power-5 schools (only Oregon State is worse), too. This trainwreck will be a lot of fun. PREDICTION: Ole Miss by 6 in a shoot-out that smashes the 70.5 over/under.
4.  Tennessee at Auburn (-15): Tennessee might not be improving, but nor is Auburn. In fact, the knives are already sharpening for Gus Malzahn after the Tigers’ shambolic performance against Mississippi State last week. The game won’t be pretty, (Bar the Washington game, Auburn games this season have been dreadful to watch), but we expect Tennessee to hang in there. The reasons are simple: Auburn’s offense is awful, and it’s managed to get worse week-by-week, not better. Tennessee has had two weeks to steel itself for Auburn (including mending a defense that gives up 340 yards/game). Listen, Auburn’s defense is too good to let the Vols win, but it’s going to be closer than most imagine. Oh, and we’d like to give a lot of love to the 5,000 Tennessee fans going to Auburn that weekend. UT fans: You deserve better. Prediction: Auburn by 10. And the locals still won’t be happy.
5. No.14 Florida (-8) at Vanderbilt: Florida’s excellent performance against LSU was a testament to good defense and a little offensive invention by Dan Mullen, while last week Vanderbilt played well for a quarter against Georgia before the Commodores were summarily dismantled. Vanderbilt is quite simply not a good team, while Florida is getting better and better each week. PREDICTION: Florida bites through the private school kids by 14.
6. Missouri at No.1 Alabama (-27.5): Alabama QB Tuanigamanuolepola Tagovailoa (try saying that first name after a few beers!) is a very good quarterback. We know this because he’s going to probably win the Heisman. Missouri’s Drew Lock was meant to be a Heisman candidate, but his wide receivers can’t seem to catch the ball, and he’s not been great, either. Alabama’s offense scores about 60 a game. Missouri’s secondary is the second-worst in the SEC and 117th in the nation, giving up a tidy 284 yards/game. And although Tua’s got a knee sprain, Nick Saban told the press he’s taken ‘every rep in practice’. This does not bode well. Oh, and Saban was also grumpy at his defense for giving up 31 to Arkansas. Somehow I don’t think this will happen again. PREDICTION: Alabama by 40.

South Carolina has some buzz about the possibility of causing an upset or two in the SEC East, and finishing second in a division. This has been helped by the return of star Deebo Samuel, as well as 15 other returning starters on offense and nine more on defense.

Last season the Gamecocks finished 9-4, with a 5-3 record in the SEC. This also included beating Michigan 26-19 in the Outback Bowl.

OFFENSE

As we mentioned, Deebo Samuel returns as a redshirt senior after breaking his leg in the loss against Kentucky in the early season. The Gamecocks were leading that game until Samuel’s injury. He had 15 receptions, 250 yards and 3 touchdowns against NC State and UK before that fateful game at Commonwealth Stadium. He has 1,194 yards and 5 TDs in three years in Columbia — and you can only imagine how big those stats would be if he hadn’t missed substantial time in 2016 and 2017. Also, Samuel is partnered by Bryan Edwards (793 yards, 5 TDs, 12.4 yards/reception) and Shi Smith (409 yards, 3 TDs, 14.1 yards/reception), making up a potentially scary receiving corps for secondaries and giving QB Jake Bentley some good options.

As for Bentley, he had 2,794 yards passing and 18 TDs last season, and brings back a strong wide receiving corps. However, one of his biggest receivers and pass blockers is in Hayden Hurst – who had 559 yards receiving and 2 TDs (20% of Bentley’s output) is now the NFL, so it will be interesting. Jacob August will pick up Hurst’s slack.

Running-wise, Rico Dowdle and AJ Turner, who hopefully improve a rushing offense which was a terrible 111th in the country (ironically only 3rd-last in the SEC in front of Tennessee and Vanderbilt)

DEFENSE 

Carolina’s loss of LB Skai Moore is going to be immense for Tavaris Robinson’s defense – the Gamecocks are going to be missing 93 tackles, two sacks and three interceptions, as well as the production of Chris Lammons, who has also left. Luckily, Robinson has TJ Munson (88 tackles) and sack machine DJ Woonum (6) will return. They will be praying the secondary improves from the medicore 69th that it was last year.

THE SCHEDULE

Coastal Carolina (H), Georgia (H), Marshall (H), Vanderbilt (A), Kentucky (A), Missouri (H), Texas A&M (H), Tennessee (H), Ole Miss (A), Florida (A), UT-Chattanooga (H), Clemson (A)

The best thing for Carolina is that the schedule – on paper – doesn’t look that difficult. While a lot of the SEC East is in a funk, Columbia is very settled indeed. We think Carolina’s probably going to 8-1 in its nine games, with the loss coming to Georgia at home in a tightly-contested one. They may well falter at Florida before beating Chattanooga and losing on the road to an unbeaten Clemson for the fifth straight time.

In short:

While we expect Deebo Samuel to be the Heisman conversation – if he stays fit, South Carolina will produce a perfectly acceptable 9-3 season. Sure, some of the fanbase will be grunting about losing to Georgia and Clemson, but South Carolina has to step a hell of a long way to get up there – especially with a 2017 class that ranked 21 nationally but 8th in the SEC.

Because it gives me a chance to ignore the extended family and watch football for three days, I love Rivalry Weekend. It starts with the Egg Bowl on Thanksgiving night, and then moves through like a hurricane until the regular season (sniff! Sniff!) winds up at the end of Saturday.

This rivalry week for the SEC looks pretty damned special. There’s an Iron Bowl at Auburn, with Alabama visiting. We’ll hear the words ‘Kick Six’ mentioned a lot, and Harvey Updyke’s name may crop up ever so often. The story that’ll probably get missed this week is about Rodney Alexander, an Alabama fan who shot an Auburn fan this week over an Iron Bowl disagreement. That almost puts Updyke and Smoking Lady to shame.

There’s also ‘Good Ole Fashioned Hate’ as Georgia goes to Georgia Tech, The Egg Bowl which sees Ole Miss and Mississippi State (regardless of what people think, they really hate each other down there), and Florida versus Florida State, which is actually going to be one of the worst games of the year (Chip Kelly or no Chip Kelly). There’s Louisville vs Kentucky in the Bluegrass Bowl, where we see LeSean Jackson play. LSU hosts Texas A&M as the ‘replacement game’ for the Aggies’ traditional Texas game (that got called off when they went to the SEC, which in my mind is still the biggest load of B.S. since the Longhorn Network) for what could be Kevin Sumlin’s goodbye, and surging Missouri goes to Arkansas is what could be Bret Bielema’s last, too. Arkansas fans are praying so.

Oh, and there’s the terrible, terrible games of Tennessee playing Vanderbilt, which pits two 0-7 SEC teams, and Florida State going to Florida. All four teams suck so much that trying to work out the best one is a law unto itself.

So here are the games in order of interest for this writer:

1. Alabama (-4) at Auburn: There is going to be some atmosphere in Jordan-Hare – especially with the SEC West division and a potential play-off trip on the line. We should see both sides beat the living crap out of each other on the lines, but I still think Calvin Ridley can cause Auburn’s secondary more damage than Auburn’s receivers can do to Mykah Fitzpatrick and friends. PREDICTION: Alabama by 7.
2. Georgia (-11) at Georgia Tech: A lot of people keep telling us how Georgia Tech’s slow play will stop them getting beaten into a pulp by UGA, but my argument is is that UGA’s fast play – thanks to its electric running backs and fast, fast defense – may rack up the points before Tech can even stop them. PREDICTION: Georgia by 14.
3. Missouri (-9.5) at Arkansas: The ‘Bert Bowl’ is really interesting, because it could be Bielema and Jen’s last game. Then Wisconsin fans will scream ‘karma’. Missouri is an offensive juggernaut at the moment, but will it last against an Arkansas team who have been fighting quite a lot recently for its coach? PREDICTION: Arkansas by 3 in an upset. But carrying Bielema off the pitch would be the biggest feat by this Arkansas team.
4. Texas A&M at LSU (-10): Another game in which we could say goodbye to another coach, the Aggies travel to LSU. Again, a sneaky pick for one of the funner games of the week, Kevin Sumlin – who is rumoured to be leaving College Station very soon indeed – has to jack up his Aggies in a game that they have never won. Ed Orgeron’s team also has a knack of playing down to its opponents. PREDICTION: No major celebrations here. LSU by 10.
5. Clemson (-13.5) at South Carolina: If Jake Bentley can keep away from throwing INTS (the last time he played vaguely competent defenses he threw five of them), then this could be a classic. Clemson, with all their firepower, still aren’t the same team that won the National Championship last year. A Clemson loss would make an OK season for South Carolina all the sweeter, because it would knock the Tigers out of Play-Off contention for good. PREDICTION: Clemson by 10 in a battle.
6. Louisville (-10) at Kentucky: This is more about saying goodbye to one of college football’s greatest players (Lemar Jackson). If Kentucky defends him badly, he’ll have a field day. But then again, Louisville’s ‘D’ is nothing to write home about, and Kentucky could well exploit it –especially in front of a partisan Commonwealth Stadium crowed. Oh, and there’s Bobby Petrino’s return to the SEC. Apparently, his time at Arkansas was a bit of a [motorcycle] wreck. PREDICTION: Louisville by 7 in a high-scoring thriller.
7. Ole Miss at Mississippi State (-14.5): The rumors are circling about Dan Mullen leaving. By the end of Sunday, he could have a choice (Tennessee, Texas A&M, Arkansas). But right now he’ll have to concentrate on the Ole Miss game with Mr UT-CHATTANOOGA Nick Fitzgerald. Ole Miss can score points, too. This Egg Bowl will be very fun indeed. PREDICTION: Mississippi State by 10 – although it’s close going into the 4^th
8. Florida State (-5) vs Florida: I remember when this used to be a HUGE, HUGE GAME. Now, it’s a match-up between two of the worst teams in the State of Florida. Maybe Chip Kelly will spice up the rivalry next year – especially if Jimbo Fisher moves to Texas A&M, where he’s rumoured to be going after this year’s massive failure. PREDICTION: Florida State by 3 in a close, entertaining game.
9. Tennessee (-1) at Vanderbilt: It’ll be like watching ‘America’s best sports crashes’. Seriously. Here at the SEC Football Blog we’ll wait around for the final score for this one…and we pity any fans actually going. PREDICTION: Tennessee by 10. That’s how bad Vanderbilt is.

The best thing about Crap Saturday is that that weekend ends all the weekends of crap games, and it’s one week before our favorite long weekend of the year: Rivalry Week.

But we’ll get onto Rivalry Week tomorrow, once we’ve basked in the glory of last Saturday’s incredible SEC schedule, which saw zero upsets, one close, fun game and….er…. (in other non-SEC news) Baker Mayfield grabbed his crotch at some Kansans, and then wrote his usual apology.

So here’s your SEC rankings from 1-14.

1. Alabama: Heroically beat Mercer to preserve unbeaten season. Games like the Mercer vs Alabama is why we love SEC Football.
2. Auburn: Struggled early against Louisiana-Monroe, but eventually hit the gear they were looking for. They could have done with an easier tune-up before the Iron Bowl.
3. Georgia: The Dawgs absolutely dominated Kentucky. We already can’t wait to the SEC Championship Game.
4. Mississippi State: One week they play like they play like Champions, the next week they struggle against Arkansas. That’s why they dropped a beat. We still don’t understand Dan Mullen’s great mystery of a team. But it’s fun.
5. LSU: Beat Tennessee in horrific conditions in which we saw goalposts nearly fall down, an Ed Orgeron interview for the ages, and Noah building an ark.
6. Texas A&M: Won a thriller in Oxford where first-half defense was so bad we thought it was going to be a Pac-12 game. Sadly, both sides managed to play some defense in the second half, and the Aggies won 31-24. Still, it was a fun game.
7. Missouri: The Tigers continued their surge by crushing Vanderbilt on the road. They are now bowl-eligible. After the Purdue game, that seemed unthinkable. Will Drew Lock go after this junior year? Probably….but it’s inadvisable.
8. Ole Miss: We’re looking forward to the Egg Bowl a hell of a lot more than we did when the Rebels lost at Cal a month or two ago.
9. South Carolina: Beat Wofford. But we’ll say this – if the Gamecocks played Kentucky right now, they’d probably beat them.
10. Kentucky: Housed by Georgia. But the Cats are bowl-eligible, and that’s fine for Stoops & Co.
11. Arkansas: Actually played pretty well against Mississippi State. You have to wonder what might have happened if their QBs hadn’t either been injured or suspended.
12. Florida: The Gators actually ruined my weekend, because they beat UAB and we love Bill Clark so much that we wanted a fairytale ending to what’s been a glorious season. It’s not that we hate Florida, it’s just that we love UAB. Because UAB’s amazing.
13. Tennessee: Battled the elements against LSU, but they were closed down by an excellent defense.
14. Vanderbilt: Eeew. The Commodores are so damned bad at the moment that I’m taking Tennessee in the game this week.

Some rude SEC hater (@SECexposed) called this weekend of the college football season #chickenshitSaturday, and when I looked at the SEC schedule, I had to agree. If there are any Alabama fans getting excited over the chance of watching the Crimson Tide eviscerate Mercer, then you probably need to get out more. But please don’t poison trees or smoke in Bryant-Denny Stadium. Both will get you in trouble and be the butt of jokes here, there and everywhere.

Anyway, back to this Saturday. We’re christening it ‘Crap Saturday’, because the schedule’s a load of crap.

The biggest game is….is…. LSU’s visit to coach-less Tennesseee? Missouri’s bid for getting into an unlikely bowl against Vanderbilt, who still don’t have a SEC win? Texas A&M’s trip to Ole Miss….where both teams have given up on their season? Kentucky vs Georgia, which is expected to be less spectacle and more slaughter? Frankly, we’re repping UAB’s trip to The Swamp this weekend.

So here are your weekend’s most interesting games. We’re not going to bother with Alabama hosting Mercer, Auburn hosting UL-Monroe and South Carolina-Wofford because there’s going to be nothing close about any of those games. We’d be surprised if Vegas is going to let anyone bet on these either.

OK, so here we go…

1. UAB at Florida (-10.5): Bill Clark has done more of a miracle with that UAB team that any well-pocketed SEC head coach has done with their team. Remember this about UAB: Certain parts of University of Alabama governing board wanted to wipe the school off the face of the earth. Well, they are back, and UAB is a magical 7-3. We know about Florida and the fact that it’s been a nightmare. What else do you want us to say? Florida’s a 10.5 point favourite in this one. PREDICTION: Florida by 14. UAB keeps it interesting until the fourth quarter. 
2. LSU (-15.5) at Tennessee: There were great parties in Knoxville when news came through that Butch Jones had been fired at Tennessee. And then Jones added to his delightful resume by walking off with $8 million and immediately started calling recruits to tell them to go find somewhere else to play. Anyway, LSU comes into town to play a team led by Brady Hoke – himself a bit of a disaster when it came to head-coaching (Michigan, cough! cough!) – who’s now the interim head coach after spending time being the defensive line coach (yeah, that defensive line that gave up 400 yards to Missouri on Saturday). LSU isn’t on fire (they didn’t play well against Arkansas until mid-way through the second quarter of the game), but they’ll have too much for the Vols. PREDICTION: LSU by 21
3. Mississippi State (-12) at Arkansas: The pre-end-of-season bloodbath in the SEC may continue in Fayetteville this weekend as Bret Bielema hosts a Mississippi State who must feel more than a little aggrieved to have lost their game against Alabama. Not only did they lose to some terrible coaching calls, but they also lost to some terrible refereeing ones, too. Now, against Arkansas, which keeps losing games because they are flat-out terrible, they should have no problem. The problem for MSU will be how motivated they will be after a soul-destroying loss. PREDICTION: MSU by 10. 
4. Kentucky at Georgia (-21.5): If Georgia catches the throws they are meant to catch and come out more disciplined than they were against Kentucky, then Kentucky’s going to get run over. Georgia should play angry – because they are still in a shout for a College Football Play-Off place. And with Alabama and Auburn playing joke opponents on Saturday, this is their chance to get noticed…for good reasons. PREDICTION: Georgia by 35. Most of the fourth quarter we will have to listen to Nessler and Danielson prattle on about why the Dawgs didn’t play like this against Auburn.
5. Texas A&M at Ole Miss (-3): This may well the most fun game of the day, which both teams prepared to put up the points. Maybe that’s why Vegas is giving an O/U of 69.5. Of course, both quarterbacks will now let themselves down and the only highlight will be Christian Kirk running for his usual touchdown, and Texas A&M getting out with 10-3 victory where half of Oxford has left to go back to the tailgate. But if Nick Starkel and Jordan Ta’amu shine – as well as WR gods A.J. Brown (Ole Miss) and Kirk – then we could be in for a fine, fun game. We are expecting a lot of points. PREDICTION: Texas A&M wins by 7, but the O/U is well over the 69.5. We can’t wait! 
6. Missouri (-8.5) at Vanderbilt: Missouri’s flying high after one of booking in back-to-back impressive games against Florida and Tennessee (albeit one without coach, and one barely with one). Drew Lock can throw bombs, and the running backs are looking very, very good. This all bodes well for Vanderbilt, who hasn’t been able to stop anybody since they were run over by Alabama, and were destroyed by Kentucky, who normally plays down to its opponents. This does not bode well for the Commodores. PREDICTION: Missouri by 17 in a high-scorer.

Oh, and congratulations to Alabama, Auburn and South Carolina on your hard-fought victories.

LSU suddenly look as though it has something to make its fans excited about. After the Troy disaster, the Tigers have won three straight (Florida, Auburn and Ole Miss), and even Danny Etling does not look as bad as Gary Danielson makes him out to be (some people think Gary Danielson’s better than WE think he is).

But are the Tigers the third best team in the SEC? It’s between them at Texas A&M. A&M was on a bye week, but with LSU’s road victory – albeit an Ole Miss team that is inept at stopping the run, they move up to third. Auburn’s also pretty good, too.

So here you are.

1. Alabama: Nick Saban will probably be yelling at backup QB Tua Tagovailoa for the next week for throwing a pick-six in the crushing of Tennessee. Hey, let’s be honest, the biggest surprise in college football this year would be if Alabama gets upset. Or if Saban actually calms down.
2. Georgia: Putting their feet up before the Cocktail Party next week, Georgia doesn’t have a lot of holes in its game either. The win at Notre Dame is suddenly looking better and better, although the Florida and Auburn games would really indicate how good UGA really is.
3. LSU: Derrius Guice ran for TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX YARDS on Saturday night. That’s right: TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX. Danny Etling’s performance of 9-13, 200 yards and 2 TDs (he ran in for one more) wasn’t terrible either.
4. Texas A&M: The LSU game on November 25th (basically to see who’s going to be the second-best team in the SEC West) suddenly looks really, really interesting. The November 4th game at home to Auburn may tell us a little bit, too.
5. Auburn: The destruction of a woeful Arkansas team showed what happens when a team plays for 60 minutes, not takes its foot off the gas after 20. As Auburn fans watching the LSU game would know. After the win Twitter wasn’t filled with cries of “Fire that ****er Malzahn”, as Auburn fans seemed more satisfied. We’re sure that’ll change if they lose to A&M and then Alabama in November!
6. Florida: The 6th-place is evident for the Gators’ mediocrity. They’d probably be lower if this poll was just based on offenses. The offense – for which Gus Nussmeir should be fired for at season-end – is a steaming pile of crap.
7. Mississippi State: Crushing Kentucky was hilarious, bearing in mind that everybody thought the Cats were sneaky-good. Nick Fitzgerald may not have been great passing (18-26, 155 yards, 1 TD), but his running game was great (12 carries, 112 yards, 2 TDs). Excuse me while I stand up and applaud.
8. South Carolina: We GET that Kentucky beat South Carolina. But still, we think that South Carolina would have coped better against Mississippi State than Kentucky did. Plus, Kentucky came back from a week off and still played badly.
9. Kentucky: To come from a bye week and play this badly deserves a demotion in our rankings. We still think the Cats will be bowl eligible by the end of the season, but this the kind of display that makes you excited. Luckily for them, 3 out of their last 5 games are winnable (the only one that isn’t is a trip to UGA on Nov 18. They play Tennessee next week).
10. Missouri: Missouri’s destruction of Idaho has given the Tigers a bit of momentum – something that the other 4 teams below them simply don’t have. Another awful performance by their secondary should see them safely ensconced at the bottom again!
11. Ole Miss: The loss of Shea Patterson against LSU gives Ole Miss offensive problems. The Rebels already have huge defensive problems. It’s a pity Ole Miss and Missouri don’t play each other this season – it could be the most entertaining game of the year, with the over about 750!!
12. Arkansas: The gray shirts matched the Razorbacks’ performance against Auburn: Miserable. They were given a hiding by the Tigers, and showed no interest in fighting back. With news that his buyout’s $10m less than people first though, Jeff Long will now be under pressure to fire Bret Bielema.
13. Tennessee: It’s OK, Butch Jones – Every team gets the living crap beaten out of it by Alabama. Butch Jones should be fired at season-end, though.
14. Vanderbilt: Vanderbilt has to get its running defense better if it’s going to come off the bottom. Before the bye week the team had no momentum at all, and we’re sorry to say were a worse team than Tennessee.