The reason why we’re so late on our SEC Power Rankings is that we’re trying to work out what in God’s name is going on with the two SECs. The SEC West is very strong. We know this because they all beat each other, and the games are generally pretty tight (apart from Arkansas, who loses tight games). The teams beat each other in the SEC East, but all the teams, are, er, very poor.

Therefore, we’re going to rank the SEC East teams, and the SEC West teams.

The only SEC East team that’s better than what Arkansas has to offer is Georgia, and Georgia – as shown as what happened in their Cocktail Party performance against Florida – isn’t very good.

SEC WEST

Get yer smelling salts and bourbon ready because no-one knows what in the hell’s gonna happen in the SEC West. It’s madness. It seems that all the coaches have done deals with Les Miles’ voodoo doll. 

1. Mississippi State

Props to the Cowbell Killers for remaining unbeaten. Sure, they haven’t made it easy for themselves in the last few games – and didn’t look like potential SEC or National Champions against Arkansas. But they still found a way to win, and that’s important. But still, if MSU plays like this against Alabama, they are losing by double-digits.

2. Auburn 

Auburn finds ways of winning, and causing two monster turnovers in the red zone was a way to do it. Any Auburn fan who was pleased that opposing receiver Laquon Treadwell got his leg broken in the process shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near Jordan-Hare Stadium. And any Auburn fan bitching about horrible SEC ref calls against Mississippi State has the refs to thank at the end of the Ole Miss game, I can tell you.

3. Alabama

Chilled out and watched carnage take place in the SEC, and waited for LSU.

4. Ole Miss

Lost a heartbreaker against LSU and now at home to Auburn. Missed a field goal. If it had taken its chances – as they should have in Baton Rouge- Ole Miss would still be unbeaten. Crap, if I’d not drunk as much in college I might have gotten a 4.0!!

5. LSU 

Chilled out and watched carnage take place in the SEC, and waited for Alabama.

6. Texas A&M

There’s a tire fire in Texas (well, there are a few), and one’s going on in College Station. We expect some firings in the off-season. Kevin Sumlin’s CEO-style coaching job – as discussed by the guys at Around Aggieland’s Podcast – isn’t in jeopardy, but you can tell that there are some really, really pissed people. Gig ’em Aggies, fire ‘dem staff!!

7. Arkansas 

Another weekend, another agonisingly close loss for the Razorbacks. And that’s all you can say about that, apart from Fight Arkansas, it’s gonna get better. Oh, and your cross-country team kicked ass in the SEC this weekend.

SEC EAST

We’re going to describe every SEC East school comparing them to a bad movie.

1. Georgia

“Transformers 2” bad. They threatened to be good, but really, it’s a long process of crap with a bit of action.

2. Florida

“Terminator 3” bad. We wanted it to be so much better than it actually is, but the “give the ball to Matt Jones and Kelvin Taylor” was helped by shitty playcalling from Georgia and OUTSTANDING blocking from wide receivers.

3. Tennessee

“Taken 2” bad.  Hoped we’d get something a lot better than has actually been delivered. Although the franchise may rely on this kid Dobbs, who’s pretty good.

4. Missouri

“Children Of The Corn 2” A play on farming and Missouri, but really, it’s all about the horror. Or as we put it, Missouri’s offense.

5. South Carolina

“Ghostbusters 2” bad. Much was expected, but their defensive players are ghosts, and no-one’s afraid of ’em.

6. Vanderbilt

Think of the worst film you’ve ever seen. You can now make it your “Vanderbilt of movies”.

 

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