While we were watching the Brits celebrate their first-ever (male) Wimbledon crown since God was a boy (77 years, as it goes), this popped up on our Twitter Feed from Reddit:

“If you could erect a statue of one person in front of your biggest rival’s stadium, who would it be and what would they be doing?”

To say that we nearly urinated our underwear laughing would be an understatement. And then the imagination kicked in.

So here are our ones for all SEC schools.

SEC EAST

FOR FLORIDA: We’re going with a big, long spear, which will be flamed up every time Florida and Florida State play each other. That’s because Bobby Bowden had a 7-4 record against Spurrier during the 1990s, when the UF vs FSU rivalry was not only an in-state spitting match, but a war for National supremacy. For the record, Florida State would get a set of goalposts, sent by the University of Miami, in memory of missed field goals.

FOR GEORGIA: Ask Georgia fans who they hate, and “Florida” and “Steve Spurrier“. Both are prevalent. There are Georgia fans who absolutely loathe Georgia Tech – but that’s mainly because they are from the Atlanta area. It’s difficult to make up our mind. So we’re going with a pair of Florida jorts, signed by Steve Spurrier on their butt, with an 11-1 coaching record for Cocktail Party games. Oh, and he’s 4-4 right now at South Carolina, but he’s won 3 straight against the ‘Dawgs. What is about this guy? But special note goes to Georgia Tech and Georgia who have the best name for a rivalry:  ‘Good Ole’ Fashioned Hate’.

Note: A Georgia fan gave his list as the things he hated the most from rivals: “1. Georgia Tech 2. Georgia Tech 3. Steve Spurrier
4. Georgia Tech 5. Steve Spurrier 6. Florida 7. Georgia Tech 8. Jan Kemp 9. Penn Wagers 10. Georgia Tech”

There were other nominations for the Athens Police Department, University presidents and athletic directors, Mike Bobo, Mark Richt (when he’s not doing well), and one UGA fans added: “Also receiving votes: Quincy Carter, Auburn, firehoses, James Franklin, Peyton Manning, Phillip Fulmer, all South Carolina fans, mopeds, Jimmy Williamson” . There’s a lot of hate in Georgia, folks.

Georgia fans would put up a statue of Reggie Ball outside Georgia Tech’s stadium – not because he was one of their greatest QBs – it would be him fumbling the ball against the Dawgs in 2006.

FOR MISSOURI: This one’s pretty easy. A statue that annoys Missouri fans, regardless of whether they are playing the ‘Border War’ or not: The KU logo: Complete with flashing lights. If he doesn’t improve, opposition fans will put a statue of Dorial Green-Beckham, to remind Missouri of the much-hyped recruit who came to Columbia and left a failure.

FOR SOUTH CAROLINA: The numbers ’63’ referring to the 63 points Clemson put up on the Gamecocks in 2003 – the most in their 110-year rivalry. You can watch the entirety of the game here. For SEC rivalries, Georgia fans would put up a ‘SEC’ sign up in Columbia, reminding South Carolina fans of the fact that although Gamecocks smacked the Dawgs in 2012, Georgia still went to the SEC Championship Game. Something that Steve Spurrier will probably never, ever forget.

NOTE: South Carolina fans would put a broken Howard’s Rock to mimick the one currently broken. Which was done – wait for it – by one of their own fans. How dumb can Clemson fans be?

FOR TENNESSEE: There’s a lot of ammunition in the SEC for the Vols. Especially recently. But we’re going with Florida fans putting up a statue of  Steve Spurrier, standing on the figure of a football player wearing No.18. That’s because Peyton Manning – Tennessee’s pride and joy – couldn’t beat the Ole Ball Coach (who ironically was born and brought up in the State of Tennessee) in his 3 years as a starter.

FOR KENTUCKY: LSU fans would send a statue of Devery Henderson, who caught the ball for the famed 2002 Bluegrass Miracle, a 74-yard Hail Mary that broke UK fans’ hearts. Kentucky fans themselves would send Louisville a statue of Tim Couch, who almost single-handedly beat the crap out of the Cardinals in 1997 and 1998. Now THOSE were good memories for Wildcats fans, who didn’t have many.

FOR VANDERBILT: A big foot, to remind Vanderbilt fans that they were regularly stomped by SEC schools. No one school owns Vanderbilt….they all owned Vanderbilt.

SEC WEST

FOR ALABAMA: It’s easy to think about Auburn putting up a Cam Newton statue, because Newton led a comeback from 24-0 down to win the 2011 game and help keep the Tigers en route to the National Championship Game. But is that more painful than putting up a photo of a guy punting, to remind the older fans of ‘Punt Bama Punt?’, in memory of the 1972 Iron Bowl in which Bama’s special teams, ahem, weren’t up to scratch? WARNING: THE VIDEO EVIDENCE IS PAINFUL, BAMA FANS

FOR ARKANSAS: A motorbike, burning, given to Hogs fans by SEC rivals really enjoying the fall of Bobby Petrino. Texas fans have begged us to put the Longhorns symbol up in Fayetteville – Arkansas absolutely hates Texas – but to no avail. Petrino’s actions and firing ended one of the most hopeful times in recent Arkansas football history.

FOR AUBURN: This is extremely recent, but we’re actually going for a statue of Harvey Updyke, with a can of poison killing Toomer’s Oaks. Yeah, it didn’t happen in a game, but it ruined Auburners hearts and killed tradition.

FOR LSU: That’s easy. Alabama fans would send over a statue of Nick Saban. There is no-one (it seems) that is more hated that Nick Saban in Baton Rouge. That’ll happen when the head coach who led you to your first National Championship since Billy Cannon in 2000-2004. Then, he ups and leaves for the NFL. And then goes to Alabama. Tigers fans don’t take betrayal (as they saw it)  too kindly.

FOR MISSISSIPPI STATE: How about a statue of Hugh Freeze, the current Ole Miss coach? He’s whipping ’em in recruiting right now….and he hammered Dan Mullen in the Egg Bowl in 2012, beating the ‘Dogs 41-24.

FOR OLE MISS: Ole Miss fans would wake up to see the statue of Ed Orgeron, given to them generously by Mississippi State, in memory of the 2008 Egg Bowl loss they suffered when 14-0 up against the Bulldogs in 2008 in the fourth quarter. Oregeron’s decision to go for a fourth down haunted him, as it failed and MSU went on to win 17-14.

FOR TEXAS A&M: The Aggies don’t have SEC rivals – although we can see the Alabama and LSU rivalries getting very angry, very quickly. But Texas A&M fans would receive a massive, polished set of fingers doing the ‘Texas Longhorn’ sign from their long-hated rival, Texas – who they absolutely loathe. Funnily enough, Texas’ decision to start their own channel helped to send Texas A&M to the SEC. One fan on Twitter, Trevor Magers, went for Florida coach Will Muschamp – who was the Texas defensive co-ordinator, before going to Florida. “Easily Will Muschamp“, he said, adding: “I dislike him strongly from his days as Mac Brown’s lapdog at TU.” And Trent Padgett? “Muschamp. He may be at Florida now but he still has the stench of hippie on him from Austin.” Also receiving votes? Art Briles, coach of Baylor. We’re not saying why. You can find out from this tweet. Also receiving votes? Bo Pellini, the loveable ex-LSU assistant coach and current coach of Nebraska.

 

 

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