Get your last dose of jam-packed college football Saturdays this weekend.

On your Thursday you can drift into Turkey hell with this year’s Egg Bowl (Ole Miss vs Mississippi State), go to Friday for the ‘Thank God the Season’s Over Bowl’ between Missouri and Arkansas, then refresh again for a Saturday with ‘Good Ole Fashioned Hate’ with Georgia vs Georgia Tech , The Commonwealth Cup (Louisville vs Kentucky) or one of the more underrated hate games in the South, the Clemson vs South Carolina game. Then move onto The Iron Bowl (which you can put on silent because Gary Danielson will be commentating on it), or 30 mins later Tennessee’s continuing story of redemption at Vanderbilt and then end up with LSU vs Texas A&M, which we all hope goes 7 OTs this year too. Oh, and then there’s the rivalry in the Sunshine State as Florida and Florida State get together, with one hoping for a 10-game season and one hoping simply not to suck.

Then, after 14 weeks of screaming crowds, great touchdowns, crappy refereeing and far too much Gary Danielson, the regular season will be over.

Some of the teams mentioned will want the season to be over. Others will want one more great last game. Two others will want their names in the hat for two possible great last games.

But the commonality: They both want to get one over on their rivals.

So here’s the preview of the games, in order of our excitement.

1. No.5 Alabama (-3.5) at No.15 Auburn: Even with Tua, Alabama still has an offense. Mac Jones can easily hit future NFL wide receivers Jerry Jeudy and Henry Ruggs III and RB Najee Harris isn’t too bad either. And the skillset of Jones is about equal to Bo Nix, who – quite frankly – sucks. The big match up is the defenses. Auburn has a better defense. Derrick Brown is awesome, and Auburn’s front is as good as any. But can they stop Alabama? If they won’t, then Auburn might collect the money to release Gus Malzahn from his contract. PREDICTION: No. Alabama wins by a touchdown, and it could be the end for Malzahn.
2. Texas A&M at No.1 LSU (-17): Texas A&M actually played solid defense against Georgia, and had the offense actually put something together until the fourth quarter, they could well have pulled off the upset (mind you, if Georgia had played any offense, they might have won by a lot more!!). Anyway, this game was fantastic last season, ending up with 7 OTs and a fight before it ended. I think many people are wanting the same. LSU fans might want to kick the Aggies’ ass all the way back to College Station, but we don’t see the Tigers walking away with it against a pretty stout defense. And even if it’s comfortable, 17 looks tough. PREDICTION: LSU wins by 14….Comfortably.
3. Florida State vs No.11 Florida (-17.5): Florida State has been playing better lately, but that’s putting a bit of foam on the forest fire, we feel. Florida has been purring lately, and they will be angsty to impress the voters bearing in mind they are behind Penn State in the battle for a New Year’s Day Bowl. PREDICTION: They will impress. Florida by 28.
4. No.4 Georgia (-28-1/2) vs Georgia Tech: Georgia’s offense isn’t great, but Georgia Tech’s rushing defense ranks 119th out of 130th in the country. Georgia – despite what they’ll say about the SEC Championship Game next week – also needs the big victory to move the Play-Off Committee’s eyes. PREDICTION: Georgia slices and dices the Yellow Jackets, winning by 31. 
5.  No.3 Clemson (-27) vs South Carolina: Last season Clemson was a huge favorite to smash South Carolina into pieces, but the Tigers got all they could handle from the Gamecocks….at least for one half. Everyone is loving the fact that the Tigers are like a buzzsaw at the moment, but we can’t help but think: Who have they played? The bottom line is this: We still don’t think Carolina catches up to their hated Southern rival. PREDICTION: Clemson by 21. South Carolina aren’t close in this, but they aren’t terrible.
6. Louisville vs Kentucky (-4): This could be the under-the-radar most entertaining of the SEC games this week, simply because Kentucky’s been on a good run lately, and Louisville’s not as bad as I thought they were originally – although their defense is hardly great. The atmosphere should be fantastic, and a lot of rum and whiskey will be consumed. PREDICTION: Louisville with the upset, winning by 3.
7. Arkansas vs Missouri (-12 1/2): This is how utterly crap Missouri has been in recent weeks: The Tigers are only 12-1/2 point favourites against a team that has one of the worst offenses in the league. If the Tigers lose, it will cap an horrific end to the season, capped by a bowl ban and pressure on Barry Odom. And if they lose, Odom should be fired. PREDICTION: Missouri wins by 14 as Arkansas fights to the end. 
8. Vanderbilt vs Tennessee (-21): At the start of the season Tennessee was the laughing stock of college football, losing to Georgia State and becoming the laughing stock of college football. Now, Tennessee is one of the form teams in the SEC, and Vanderbilt is worse that we’ve ever seen. PREDICTION:  Tennessee wins by 24. Vandy fans want to fire Derek Mason, but Vandy’s powers stick to their guns. 
9. Ole Miss (-1) vs Mississippi State: Vegas thinks this is going to be the one of the tightest games in the SEC this week, and it’s on Thanksgiving Night so we can move from dull Thanksgiving NFL football to a game where the two sites hate each other despite their record. PREDICTION: Mississippi State wins by 3 in an entertaining game.

OTHER BIG GAMES: 

1. Ohio State to beat Michigan by 7
2. Minnesota to beat Wisconsin by 3
3. Oregon to beat Oregon State by 28
4. Oklahoma by 3 over Oklahoma State.

A few days after he was announced as the head coach of Arizona State, I put a tweet out that basically said how much the hire sucked. I wasn’t the only one.

After last Saturday’s stunning win over Oregon, I might well have been wrong.

That got me thinking to hirings that have happened in the SEC…..and the bad ones. We’re not going anywhere near Arkansas’ interim coaching hire John L. Smith, because he inherited Bobby Petrino’s trainwreck (or motorcycle wreck) and then Brett Bielema arrived.

Every SEC school has had their crappy SEC hires. Some further back in time than others.

ALABAMA: Jennings B. Whitworth (1955-57): Although circumstances weren’t great for Whitworth (he came after Harold Drew’s 4-5-2 season, and subsequently was only allowed to hire two of his ‘own men’ and had to keep all the other assistants (not good for coaching morale), Whitworth embarked on sending the Tide to a legendary 14-game losing streak. Having said all that, all clouds had a silver lining: His firing paved the way for another coach to come in who smelt of whiskey, cigarettes and actual success: Bear Bryant.

ARKANSAS: Chad Morris (2017-2018): Came in on a six year, $21 million contract, Morris was meant to signal a new turnaround after the departure of Brett Bielema. Instead, he delivered a 2-10 record in his first year (0-8 in the SEC), and 2-8 (0-6 in the SEC) record in 2018, punctuated by losses to San Jose State and Western Kentucky. He lost his job after the WKU blowout. What a waste of money that was.

AUBURN: Earl Brown (1948-50): Brown’s stretch at Auburn was quite incredible. The team went 3-22-4 in his time on The Plains, which included getting outscored 258 to 31. That took some doing. His only saving grace? Beating Alabama 14-13 in the 1949 Iron Bowl, where his 1-4-3 team beat the 6-2-1 Crimson Tide – helped by a miss-kick from an Alabama kicker.

FLORIDA: Raymond Wolf (1946-9): Wolf’s hiring in Gainseville came after he served in World War II. It wasn’t pretty. He went 9-19-1 and somehow got another year’s contract after Florida students wanted to keep him around, but was promptly fired a year later after his 10th-placed finish for the second time in a row. The one bit of a joy was a 28-7 win over Georgia in The Cocktail Party.

GEORGIA: Johnny Griffith (1961-3): Griffith’s brilliant finishes in Athens went 9th-7th-9th, and predictably it wasn’t going to go down too well with Dawgs fans. The highlight of his career when he accused the man he replaced, Wally Butts, of consipiring with Bear Bryant to beat the Dawgs after he sent The Houndstoothed One plays, formations and other stuff he might need to win out. He was promptly sued. And lost.

KENTUCKY: Bill Curry (1990-6): Coming off a fairly successful stint at Alabama, where he won a SEC title and reached a bowl in all of time in Tuscaloosa, Curry – after turning down a contract offer from Alabama – came down to Kentucky with quite a bit of fanfare. There, the trumpeteers ran out of breath, as the Wildcats had one winning season under him, and under his tenure were an awful 26-52 including an SEC record of 14-40. The 38-14 loss in the Governor’s Cup to Louisville was perhaps the last straw for the powers-that-be in Lexington.

LSU: Curley Hallman (1991-94): Hallman never had a winning record or reached a bowl in his time at LSU, which lasted four long seasons (somehow). His best-known game came in 1994 when the Tigers were comfortably beating Auburn until Jamie Howard threw SIX interceptions, which took quite some doing. He was told he would resign or be fired. He refused to resign. And was fired.

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Rocky Felker (1986-90): It’s not easy taking over a school that’s not exactly guilded in great SEC history, but Felker’s job was wonderfully feckless. After a perfectly acceptable 7-5 season in 1986, Felker then won three SEC games in three years during his time, adding to the grand total of two in 1986. His 1988 1-10 season was a particular low point – the second-worst in Cowbell history. He never held a head coaching position again, although he did come back and was a successful OC – and still works in MSU’s football operations department.

MISSOURI: (WARNING, INCLUDES BIG 8/12 COACH TOO) Bob Stull (1989-93): Stull was terrible in his time at Missouri, posting up a 15-38-2 record with a shiny Big 8 record of 8-27. One of Stull’s famous moments, though, was being the head of ‘Fifth Down Game’ against Colorado, when the Buffaloes inexplicably got an extra down, leading to a touchdown that was one of college football’s iconic moments (for refereeing screw-ups). We also considered Woody Wiedenhofer (1985-1988), but we’ve given him to Vanderbilt.

OLE MISS: Ed Orgeron (2005-7): As much as he is loved by LSU fans, let’s not forget the reason why he didn’t get head coaching jobs at Tennessee and USC (although his players loved him) – his time at Ole Miss was atrocious. In his three years in Oxford he went 10-25 and 3-21 in the SEC, including a terrible 0-8 season in 2007, where the final straw was losing to Mississippi State. The biggest highlight that I can remember from his time there was his excellent cameo in The Blind Side.

SOUTH CAROLINA: Brad Scott (1994-98): His tenure is still remembered by Gamecocks fans as ‘the dark days’ – and for good reasons. Although he managed two winning seasons and two seasons of .500 Eastern Conference play, he also masterminded a season in 1998 where the Gamecocks lost 10 games in a row, with his final send-off a 28-19 loss at hated rival Clemson.

TENNESSEE: Derek Dooley (2010-2012): As much as the Big Orange fanbase hated Butch Jones, Dooley was the worst coach in Volunteers history by some margin, posting zero winning seasons and a 4-19 in-conference record. This included winning one SEC game in two years. Weirdly, he’ll be looking at getting his pink slip again this year as Missouri’s offensive coordinator.

TEXAS A&M: Jim Myers (1958-61): While there might be an argument between Myers and Hank Foldberg (someone tweeted us to say his grandfather loathed playing for him) as to who the worst A&M coach was in its history, we’re going for Myers because of his incredible Southwest Conference losing record where he went 5-18-3 with two straight winless SWC seasons in 1959 and 1960 and losing to Texas every time during his tenure. Still, he found a job after A&M, becoming the Dallas Cowboys offensive coordinator/assistant head coach under Tom Landry for 26 years….so you could say that being at Kyle Field taught him a lesson or two. There were Texas A&M fans who lobbied for Dennis Franchione to get on the list, but mainly because of the 77-0 drubbing by Oklahoma in the first year of his tenure. But Franchione turned it around beating Texas in the final two years of his tenure. But combined with the fact he never won a bowl game with the Aggies, he was pushed out. 

VANDERBILT: Woody Widenhofer (1997-2001): After compiling a dreadful record with Missouri where he went 12-31-1 and 8-20 in Big 8 play, I’m sure that journalists around wouldn’t have understood why in the hell the Commodores went and hired Widenhofer, who was originally the team’s defensive coordinator in Ron Dowhower’s 2-9 team. Anyway, The Hoff only won 4 games during his time in the SEC and compiled a total record of 15-40. Stunningly enough, he never coached again.

Sorry for the radio silence.

We weren’t renaming ourselves.

Or firing people – because there’s one of us, and that’s me.

It’s because I requested a transfer.

Put myself in the transfer portal.

And the wife and I have moved to the hot cooker of football – Texas.

We’re in Houston, where the oil money flows like the water in the Bayou and the mosquitos are manic.

It’s great because I can watch SEC games in the same time-zone, not sit there watching until 5am every morning like I have one in the UK.

Our only problem has been the internet. AT&T sucks.

But thanks to the next-door neighbors, we’re back.

For half a season.

But half a season’s better than no season at all.

And let’s be honest: Apart from LSU’s trip to Texas, Auburn vs Florida and (maybe) Auburn vs Texas A&M, we haven’t had the big-time SEC games yet.

Of course there have been evolutions. LSU’s suddenly playing a spread offense. Gus Malzahn’s job security actually looked OK for a week, while Derek Mason looks like he’s got one foot out of the door. And people are starting to talk about ‘that’ Missouri’s defense.

The same things remain. Alabama and Georgia remain the teams to beat. Nick Saban is still yelling at the press. Players are still getting booted off teams. No-one likes the NCAA.

So we’re back, SEC. And we’re happy.

It’s nighttime in Death Valley. The War Eagle Flies. We’re running through the T. We’re chomping. We’re asking how ‘bout them Dawgs. We’re clanging, pig sooein’, rammer jammerin’, Ole miss by damn’. We’re a 12^th Man, the ZOU in MIZ, a Commodore, and a Wildcat. There’s even 2001 or maybe a Sandstorm.

Our churches aren’t small. They are megachurches, holding a screaming congregation that will bury you with noise. They’ve even been allowed some in-game communion wine to add to their palates during services now. It should make Saturday church a little louder. When they win with a God-given upset, they jump over railings, get stuck in hedges, surf goalposts through crowded streets and toilet paper trees. When they lose, they look like their world has been torn apart. The pretty sorority girls and young frats with their bow ties look miserable. The painted clowns look clownish and stunned. All of them use words to the heavens that they wouldn’t take with grandma to church.

But in our churches, it’s important to know our pastors. There are 14 of them. If they bring home The Ultimate Prize, then the size of the statue won’t do the achievement justice. Of course, the pastor must obey the main commandment of SEC football: Thou Shalt Not Lose. Particularly if it’s the cardinal sin of losing Eggs, third Saturdays, big games or Cocktail Parties – or losing too many SEC games. If they do, hotter seats than hell will appear and behinds will sit on them. Pastor Gus of Auburn has sought redemption a couple of time from being excommunicated. But this year’s another year. It doesn’t matter if you’re likeable. If you don’t help the congregation reach the higher plain, you’re out. Some elders will give a new pastor two or three years to work their magic, but after that, notice will be hammered on the door like Martin Luther did with his articles.

To make a pastor successful to his congregations, he must be able to bring in the moving parts from smaller, younger churches every season. Churches aren’t expected to fizzle out. We at the SEC don’t mind paying for talent, as long as we don’t get caught. Much. And after their success in college, they go to Big Church Sundays. We implore Mr Goodell, high elder of the professional league, to skip the preliminaries and just call your professional conference the SEC-FL? After all, our boosters probably pay more than some of your teams do. This year, Tua will again make the tongues waggle, although we’re also excited by Bryant, Swift, Fromm, Delphit, Jeudy, Mond, Williams, Stingley and a guy based in the Mid-West known only as ‘Albert O’. But there will be many more names by season-end. Because this is the SEC.

The pastors and the congregrations know who the biggest church in our movement are. At the moment, they are in Tuscaloosa and Athens. They are going to be pretty good in the Year of Our Lord 2019, we hear. They’ve got the West and East divisions running scared and their schedules measure up sweetly. It’s hard to see who is going to beat them. Hell, it’s hard to see who’s going to give them a good fight. We expect more drama at the SEC Championship Game. And no trick plays please, Kirby. The likes of LSU, Auburn and Florida will feel like ‘also-rans’, even if that’s not the case. There’s always room for the upset. See the last time Georgia rolled into Death Valley. Take a moment in thinking about the orders of service for 14 teams for the Pastor Jimbo’s congregation in College Station. It’s downright evil.

But there will be competition for the Ultimate Prize this year from other denominations. The congregation in Clemson in the Atlantic Denomination is pretty good. As are Sooners from Oklahoma in the Southwest. There are the people of ‘The’ and ‘Big Blue’ in icier Big 11, and we’re heard that there might even be a good team in the NorthWest who are known as Huskies or Ducks in the driven down out West. But against us, can they really hold their own? If there’s two teams that will compete with us for the Ultimate Prize, we’ll go for the ‘Eyes and the Tigers. The rest will falter and fall.

Beyond the transfers, the head coaches, the stadium reductions and the backhanders to recruits, the NCAA can change something else that would really take the sport a step forward: The schedules.

The ACC and SEC play 8 in-conference games and 4 non-conference games, while the Big Ten, Pac-12 and Big XII all play nine.

Gus Malzahn and Nick Saban both expressed a preference for nine games. In fact, Nick Saban has been lobbying for it since 2012, while Gus Malzahn last year admitted he’s had a Damascus experience on scheduling (probably because Auburn’s is so arduous year after year): “Nine I think is best for us moving forward to make the schedules more equal across the conference.”

Kirby Smart of Georgia – also one of the SEC’s most powerful coaches – joined the ‘pro’ shout. He said: “I think it [would be] a good thing, but I think you will have teams with more losses. Does it affect a team getting in the playoff? I don’t know, but I know you have a lot more games to get up for, a lot more good rivalry games. It’s not just about travelling, it’s just as much about the atmosphere of playing an SEC opponent, I think you are playing more comparable teams to your talent level, I think it’s important for college football.”

Other coaches haven’t expressed an opinion – possibly because half of them lost their jobs after the 2017 season, and the new ones have yet to have a voice. The only time that voters voted to keep the schedule as-is was 2013. Will Muschamp, while he was at Florida, said that it was likely to move to nine games in 2013, but never happened.

The ACC has done the same. While this isn’t a huge surprise bearing in mind the ACC and SEC are two of the biggest superpower conferences in college football right now (although the ACC Network is still going to be minor compared to the SEC Network and the Big Ten Network (that may well turn around during basketball season), it has to change.

For the fans! 

Why? Because not only are Big Ten, Big XII and Pac-12 looking at tougher, in-conference schedules which have in the end worked out nicely for the ACC and SEC, which have captured the last four National Championships. Both Clemson and Alabama in the last four days have lost less than five games. Combined.

Also in the SEC, the way that the rivalries work is rather stupid. What could be more dislikeable than putting together one permanent rival and one division rival?

It means that the likes of Alabama and Georgia hardly play each other in the regular season, and teams like Auburn get royally screwed because they have to play Georgia – and Alabama – every season.

We get that SEC fans like their rivalries. We love them too. If it was a nine-game format, the Iron Bowl will still exist. So will the Egg Bowl, the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, and LSU vs Alabama. We can still have the major cross-divisional rivalries like the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry (Auburn vs Georgia) and the Third Saturday in October, but we can also have one more cross-divisional games, which means the fans (probably quite important) get to see more East vs West games (which may reverse the trend of declining attendances, too), which will also be good for the ones that pay the bills – the SEC Network, CBS or ESPN.

Why should the SEC and ACC changing their schedules change college football in general? Easy. It shuts up the argument altogether. It makes for equality between FBS Conferences, shutting up the whole “we play more in-conference games than you”, because the other one (“We play in a more difficult conference than you”) becomes null and void. Not only that, it’s an easier job for the College Football Play-Off Committee to work out who’s should be ‘in’ with a flat schedule, and also, it pretty much shuts-up massive controversy.

What about the NCAA?

The NCAA will argue that ‘scheduling is not our business’, but that’s absolute crap. If the NCAA is happy to govern everything else, then why not govern one of the key aspects of the game? Not only that, but why are the conferences letting coaches or Athletic Directors – who all have biases on this subject but may well be fired before the next vote comes out (the SEC last voted on it in 2013 and ACC ADs voted on it in 2016) – vote on this altogether. The NCAA should mandate this and that would be that.

The ones that will suffer, inevitably, will be the smaller non-FBS schools, which rely on coming to a stadium and getting the living crap beaten out of them for $1 million (there are quite a few exceptions.

But unfortunately, college football is not a charity. Smaller FCS schools will still make their money. But unless there will be less of them. Will this lead to a shutdown of smaller programs? Sadly, probably. But will it be better for college football as a whole we see more and more in-conference rivalries? Definitely.

Of all the rivalries in the SEC, the best name for a rivalry is the Georgia – Georgia Tech game: “Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate”. Nothing comes close.

However, there are some badass hatred flowing through the SEC.

Alabama and Auburn despise each other. Ole Miss and Mississippi State may be on a par with that….maybe worse. There’s no love lost between Clemson and South Carolina or Florida and Florida State. Tennessee – Vanderbilt always seems to pit the ‘Public School Hillbillies’ and the ‘Private School snobs’, and Louisville and Kentucky certainly aren’t fond of each other, even though the ‘Governor’s Cup’ makes it sound like a place where the fans drink sweet tea before the game, not ludicrous amounts of bourbon.

That’s where we feel a little sorry for Arkansas, LSU, Texas A&M and Missouri. There are no natural in-state rivals for these. Texas A&M vs Texas simply doesn’t exist anymore, and both sides can’t grow up enough to make this happen (ironically it could happen in the Cotton Bowl this year, but we’ll have to see about that!), so Texas A&M plays LSU, because LSU has no interesting in-state college football powers (and unless ULL, Tulane or Louisiana Tech grow rapidly, this won’t change for decades to come), and Missouri’s a new arrival, because Missouri and Kansas can’t grow up enough to continue playing the ‘Border War’ either. So Missouri plays Arkansas, because Arkansas and Arkansas State don’t want to schedule each other (it’s never happened!).

Anyway, there are also some cool rivalries happening outside the conference. There’s Ohio State vs Michigan, Notre Dame vs USC and, er, Virginia vs Virginia Tech (just kidding). There is a potentially awesome game from Morgantown (Oklahoma going to West Virginia) and a great fun game way out West (Washington vs Washington State). And there will be no love lost in the State of Arizona (Arizona vs Arizona State), Oregon (Oregon vs Oregon State (The ‘Civil War’), Utah (BYU vs Utah (The ‘Holy War’), Virginia (Virginia vs Virginia Tech), Another Florida game (USF vs UCF), Indiana (Purdue vs Indiana), North Carolina (NC State vs North Carolina), Private School North Carolina (Wake Forest vs Duke), OTHER Georgia (Georgia State vs Georgia Southern). Oh, and the game where an AXE is the winning trophy (Minnesota vs Wisconsin).

Cool, eh?

Anyway, after getting your lecture about games, it’s important we give you some tips. It’s Thanksgiving Weekend, so you’ll probably want to get your bets on beforehand.

So here are our SEC tips:

1. Iron: Auburn vs No.1 Alabama (-24): Alabama hasn’t been great the last couple of weeks – certainly not in the Citadel game, but it’s still 2-0. Auburn is simply weird. Crimson will trump weird in Tuscaloosa. Easily. PREDICTION: Alabama by 21.
2. Hate (Good Old Fashioned): Georgia Tech vs No.5 Georgia (-17): After starting the season badly (1-3), Georgia Tech has rebounded to win 6 out of the last 7. The triple-option is fun to watch, but if Georgia stop it, we don’t think they have the defense to deal with the Dawgs’ running attack. PREDICTION: Georgia by 20.
3. Hate (South Carolinian style with team fights): South Carolina vs No.2 Clemson (-27.5): South Carolina isn’t even in the same league as Clemson at the moment, so it would be shocking if this game’s close going into the third quarter. Clemson got a little bit of a wake-up call last week against Duke after sleepwalking through the first half before winning 45-6. We don’t think this’ll happen here in a hyped atmosphere. Albeit with Hunter Renfrow uncertain (he’s been listed as a starter, but we’re unsure if that’s going to be true). No fighting please, teams. PREDICTION: Clemson runs riot, winning by 30.
4. Egg: No.21 Mississippi State (-10.5) vs Ole Miss: Last week Ole Miss was jobbed out of taking the Vanderbilt to two overtimes by a terrible SEC refs call. Ole Miss has the firepower but not the defense. We’ll take defense in a fun, fun one. PREDICTION: Mississippi State by 5 in a high-scoring game.
5. Oxygen mask (thanks, @Mizzodcast): No.13 Florida (-5) vs Florida State: Florida State has been awful to point of memes, while Florida has been inconsistent-to-good this year. We can’t see Florida State do anything apart from getting their quarterback killed. PREDICTION: Florida by 14.
6. Saluting Corndog: No.7 LSU at Texas A&M (-2): LSU lost its mega-test on the road this year (Florida), but it’s also been battle-tested. And if you want the definition of battle-tested, it’s Texas A&M, who played the SEC West schedule as well as Clemson and a ranked Kentucky team. Why A&M is a two-point favorite I’ll never know (it should be a pick ’em), but this one will come down to the wire. PREDICTION: LSU by 3.
7. Governor drinking a Bourbon Bottle: No.17 Kentucky at Louisville: Kentucky has been poor recently and Louisville has been more than poor all season long. There’s a reason nearly 2,000 tickets are going for as little as $32, because it’s not going to be pretty. Especially for the Cardinals, who fired Bobby Petrino mid-season because they have really, really sucked. PREDICTION: Kentucky by 25. The Wildcats may not have any offense, but then again, Louisville doesn’t have of both.
8. Orange and Gold Guitar: Tennessee vs Vanderbilt (-3.5): This game features the two worst teams in the SEC, and two of the worst four in the conference overall. It will not be pretty. We still like Ke’Shawn Vaughn from Vanderbilt, but we don’t know who UT will start behind centre with Jarrett Guarantano’s injury. PREDICTION: Vanderbilt to win pretty comfortably. By 10.
9. Musket: Arkansas vs Missouri (-22.5): Arkansas has gotten worse recently while Missouri have won three on the bounce including two meant-to-be-tough road trips at Florida and Tennessee. Missouri’s secondary actually played OK last Saturday, while Arkansas’ secondary seemed to want to play with Mississippi State cheerleaders (and have been suspended). Drew Lock should have even more fun. PREDICTION: Missouri by 30.

Meanwhile in other places:

1. THE GAME (Gotta be capital letters): No.4 Michigan (-4) vs No.10 Ohio State: Ohio State couldn’t stop the run against Maryland, and barely survived a monstrous upset. Michigan played badly against Indiana by survived by 11. It wasn’t pretty last week. Ohio State can get it going on offense, and Michigan has been renewed with Shea Patterson. With all the defense coming back last year, we knew Michigan would be pretty good this season. But not this good. PREDICTION: Michigan breaks the streak, winning by 10.
2. Apple: No.18 Washington vs No.8 Washington State (-2.5): We all want Mike Leach to get into the play-off. Washington has not been terribly interesting on its path to 8-3. PREDICTION: GO LEACH! Washington State by 7.
3. Musket: No.6 Oklahoma (-1.5) vs No.9 West Virginia: IF ANY OF YOU HAVE A ****ING CLUE WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE BIG 12 THIS YEAR PLEASE LET ME KNOW. APART FROM A TON OF POINTS AND ZERO DEFENSE. Prediction: West Virginia in 4 OTS. 
4. Oxygen Mask with Mickey Mouse Ears: No.11 UCF (-14) vs USF: By the end of this run, UCF will have more National Championships declared for it than Alabama with the Tuscaloosa News. PREDICTION: UCF by 17.
5. DESERT: Arizona State (-2) vs Arizona: If you’re a betting deviant, you’ll be tuning in late for this one. We still love Khalil Tate, but we also love Herm Edwards, who has gone from The Most Stupid Appointment In College Football to Bowl Game in one season. However, how will it go against Kevin Sumlin? PREDICTION: Arizona by 5. 
6. JOSEPH SMITH’S TABLETS: BYU vs No.19 Utah (-13.5): Did you know that the winner of this gets to take home the original Joseph Smith Tablets? Seriously. It’s true. I saw it on Bleacher Report once. PREDICTION: Utah by 21.
7. CLAY HELTON’S LAST GAME: No.3 Notre Dame (-10-5) vs USC: So bad are USC is that I don’t understand why the Irish are only 10-1/2 point favorites. The Trojans are terrible, and so is Clay Helton. PREDICTION: Notre Dame by 21.

Breaking News: Alabama did not impress us on Week 12. At half-time of the game against Citadel in Tuscaloosa, with the much-less-than-the-reported-101,000 inside Bryant-Denny Stadium still sleepy, the game was tied 10-10. The Tide couldn’t deal with the triple-option, and the offense was poor to say the least. In the second half, Alabama adjusted themselves, scoring 40 to Citadel’s 7, and everything seemed good.

I even posted on my Twitter that after Alabama’s putrid performance Clemson should be made No.1 if they comfortably beat Duke. And Clemson was awful in its first half against Duke before exploding for 45. Obviously, Clemson’s victory over an above-average Duke said counts for more than Alabama’s victory against a Citadel team, but the Play-Off Committee won’t care, bearing in mind that they haven’t decided that Washington State or UCF are worthy of a Play-Off fight.

That said, if we go on good performances from the Top 4 in the play-off this week, then we’d have to give it to Notre Dame, because they hammered Syracuse in a game that was meant to be close. Michigan was NOT impressive at home against Indiana.

On the other side of the coin, the Big-12 shot itself in the foot for a play-off place as Oklahoma didn’t play well against Kansas and West Virginia was beaten by Oklahoma State.

Anyway, we digress. The rankings for our SEC table pretty much is the same….. maybe.

1. Alabama: The Tide showed chinks in their armour against Citadel. Not a great performance by any stretch of the imagination, but this team’s still the best in the SEC.
2. Georgia: Rolled past UMass.
3. LSU: I saw Rice a few weeks ago in Houston and said back then that they were absolutely terrible. The game was over by 1 1/2 quarters in Tiger Stadium. We’ll move on now.
4. Missouri: As has been mentioned, the Tigers should be 9-2. The wasting of Tennessee in Neyland showed what they can do.
5. Mississippi State: Dropped 52 on Arkansas. It’s Arkansas, but then again, Mississippi State’s offense was doomed about a month ago, wasn’t it (Bama excluded!).
6. Texas A&M: A better than win than most people will give them credit for against UAB.
7. Florida: The Gators are on a good trajectory at the moment. If they are this inconsistent now, imagine what things might be like next season.
8. Auburn: Whipped Liberty quickly on the last game of the season in Jordan-Hare. A small game in Tuscaloosa will close out the season next week.
9. Kentucky: The Wildcats are creaking. It wasn’t comfortable against Middle Tennessee, but Josh Allen and the defensive guys got it done in the end (after conceding 23 points).
10. South Carolina: I can’t even remember who they beat soundly this week. Let me look it up…Oh yeah, Chattanooga.
11. Vanderbilt: The ‘Dores got lucky in their overtime win over Ole Miss with a disputed/B.S. call. But then again, #SECRefs.
12. Ole Miss: Got diddled out of a second OT by the SEC refs. The defense is as porous as ever.
13. Tennessee: WELCOME BACK to the Bottom 2 Tennesssee. The injury to Jarrett Guarantano didn’t help, but the offensive line? Dear Lord.
14. Arkansas: Razorbacks = Terrible.

IMPRESSED

1. Citadel: Played their behinds off against Alabama. Their triple-option worked in the first half. They were even leading. Alabama didn’t know how to cope. Even after their eventual loss, this team was getting all the plaudits. And good on ’em.
2. Missouri’s win at Tennessee: After their pretty-much-terrible performance against Vanderbilt and the Vols’ stunning win against Kentucky, we thought that Tigers were ripe for the upset at Neyland. Instead, they dropped 50 in Neyland, and looked really good.

NOT IMPRESSED

1. SEC Refs: I spoke to a journalist friend of mine and he told me that he’d never criticise the refs because ‘they do the best job they can do’. After jobbing Ole Miss out of the chance to go to a second overtime with a terrible call, again you’d argue this: Is this actually the best job they can do?
2. Alabama: Unmotivated in the first half against Citadel. When the biggest highlight of the game was Jalen Hurts coming out in the fourth quarter, you know that this is a cr*p performance

We didn’t want to admit it, but 85% (12 out of 14) of SEC teams are really, really ordinary. Some might be even worse than that.

SEC fans will tell you that the ‘ordinariness’ isn’t in fact that, it’s the fact that ‘anyone can beat anyone on ANY GIVEN SATURDAY IN THE SEC’, and that’s what makes the SEC so great, and other conferences so suck-worthy.

Of course, it’s the notion of ‘Every Given Saturday’ that makes college football so awesome, and not just the SEC.

But in fact, the SEC, B1G and ACC have something in common: They all boast a team that hasn’t won an in-conference game all season (Arkansas, Louisville, Rutgers).

And apart from Georgia and Alabama, everyone else in the SEC has two or more in-conference losses, meaning that no-one particularly stands out, meaning that my listings of ‘Power Rankings’ in the SEC against the notion of Who Was Impressive from week-to-week in the SEC gets hurt.

Despite all my whining, here’s my rankings for the SEC. We’re going in terms of less power, more ordinary.

1. Alabama: EXTRA-ORDINARY TEAM. ESPECIALLY THE REFS AGAINST MISSISSIPPI STATE. IN NICK SABAN’S FAVOUR.
2. Georgia: ORDINARY BECAUSE THEY HAD THEIR OFFENSIVE MISCUES AGAINST GEORGIA IN THE FIRST HALF. Y’ALL’S GOT TO BE PERFECT IF Y’ALL ARE GOING TO BEAT ALABAMA, Y’ALL.
3. LSU: ORDINARY BECAUSE NICK BROSSETTE TOOK TWO KNEES INSIDE THE 5 AGAINST ARKANSAS AND LSU DIDN’T COVER THE SPREAD (Just kidding!).
4. Mississippi State: ORDINARY BECAUSE THE SEC REFS MADE THEM ORDINARY (And Nick Fitzgerald slid for the first down but didn’t make it because he slid too early).
5. Auburn: ORDINARY BECAUSE DEAR LORD HAVE YOU SEEN THAT OFFENSE?
6. Texas A&M: ORDINARY BECAUSE THERE’S NO BETTER FOUR-LOSS TEAM IN THE COUNTRY WHO CAN BEAT OLE MISS.
7. Kentucky: ORDINARY BECAUSE THEY LOSE TO 4-5 TENNESSEE EASILY (AND HAVE NO OFFENSE) AS A RANKED TEAM, AND THE BIGGEST LAUGH OF THE WEEKEND CAME FROM WHAT HAPPENED AT LOUISVILLE.
8. Missouri: ORDINARY BECAUSE THEY SHOOT THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT. OVER AND OVER AGAIN. YET SOMEHOW BARRY ODOM KEEPS SAVING HIS BUTT
9. Florida: ORDINARY BECAUSE THE FANS DON’T FILL THE SWAMP FOR THE SPURRIER-MUSCHAMP BOWL.
10. South Carolina: ORDINARY BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO RUN DEFENSE.
11. Tennessee: ORDINARY BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED AT THE END OF FULMER’S REIGN TO THE END OF THE BUTCH JONES’ REIGN. LIKE A LOT OF LADIES IN THE SMOKIES, IT HAD ONE TOOTH AND A METH PROBLEM.
12. Vanderbilt: ORDINARY BECAUSE SOMETIMES RICH KIDS DON’T GET GREAT THINGS.
13. Ole Miss: THAT DEFENSE AIN’T ORDINARY, IT’S DOGS—-.
14. Arkansas: SOON THE ORDINARY-TO-BAD SEASON WILL BE OVER, AND TUSKY WILL REALISE THAT HE PICKED A NICE TEAM TO RETIRE. UNTIL HE’S MADE INTO BRISKET.

But there were things that impressed us this week:

1. Meredith and Luke were first in line waiting for the SEC Network to come along to Fayetteville, which got them a nice coach on set. The bad news for Meredith and Luke is that after the SEC Saturday Network crew had left, they had to sit and watch LSU handle their team. Not that they aren’t used to their team being handled, mind.
2. Nick Brosette: The LSU RBs may have broken Vegas hearts by not running in for the score, but taking two knees at the end was the height of sportsmanship.
3. Mississippi State’s defense: Were exceptional in the second half against the Tide. Completely and utterly suffocated Bama’s offensive line.

But some things really, really got under our skin:

1. SEC refs in the Alabama – Mississippi State game: HOW WAS THAT NOT A FUMBLE? HOW WAS THAT A BLOCK IN THE BACK? Hell, even Gary Danielson, who’s got his head so far up Nick Saban’s behind that when Saban opens his mouth they see two pairs of teeth said repeatedly: “That’s a fumble”. The SEC has to deal with its referees. Right now, the conference is looking worse and worse.
2. South Carolina: How did the offense go from 31 points to zero in The Swamp. Could there have been a worse half-time team talk than Will Muschamp’s at half-time.
3. Auburn: The offense is still clueless. Especially the offensive line, which is plain awful.

Despite the SEC East and SEC West races being over, there is interesting stuff going on the SEC this week.

There is Georgia vs Auburn, who really dislike each other. Then there’s Alabama vs Mississippi State, with Cowbell’s excellent defense. Then there Missouri trying to be bowl eligible, LSU trying to rebound against Arkansas and, er, something else in The Swamp, featuring the world’s most entertaining, quotable retired college coach.

Fun fact: I met someone who said that the only reason why Spurrier came to South Carolina in the first place is that one of South Carolina’s biggest boosters, Augusta National head Hootie Johnson, could make him a member at August. I then met someone in about 2008 who actually worked at Augusta who told me he wasn’t a member. We don’t know if that’s changed now, but we’re sure that wherever there’s a good golf course, Spurrier’s talking crap on it. 

So here are our games of interest for Week 11. Give us a hug, people. This isn’t easy writing.

1. South Carolina at No.15 Florida (-6): Florida was awful last weekend against Missouri. So awful that some guy jumped in an alligator pit. With crocs on. Maybe. Anyway, there’s such a brewing quarterbacking controversy in The Swamp, and the fanbase is looking for Dan Mullen to drain it and start with another QB. It should make ‘The Steve Spurrier Bowl’ pretty damned interesting. Especially with a South Carolina side who’s starting to get a result or two. PREDICTION: Florida rebounds, wins by 10.
2. No.24 Auburn at No.5 Georgia (-14): Auburn’s defense is very middling. Running backs are starting to put up the yards against the Tigers as the months roll by – and Georgia’s decision to hammer opposition defensive lines with their running backs is starting to pay dividends. Add to that an Auburn offense which has ranged between not great to fairly clueless, and we can only see one winner. PREDICTION: This one’s over by half-time. Georgia by 17. 
3. No.16 Mississippi State at No.1 Alabama (-24): Alabama was soooo good on the road at LSU, and now they return to friendlier climes against a Mississippi State who have found its mojo again with three wins in the last four, with Nick Fitzgerald finally learning how to hit one of his own receivers. Mississippi State also has a decent defense, too. But decent defenses won’t work against Alabama, who can rip teams apart at such speed that two 3-and-outs can – and probably will – result in 14 points for the Crimson Tide. PREDICTION: This won’t be pretty. Alabama by 31.
4. Vanderbilt at Missouri (-17): Missouri’s win at Florida sparked a lot of questions about Barry Odom’s team. One of them included: “Why in the hell didn’t they play like this all season?” Legitimately, the Tigers could – and probably should – be 6-3 or 7-2. They have just shot themselves in the foot too much. Now, they are big favourites over a Commodores team who isn’t great. PREDICTION: Missouri win by 14. Not great for Vegas, but comfortable enough for Tigers fans.
5. No.11 Kentucky (-6) at Tennessee: Up until the Georgia game, Kentucky’s defense pretty much bailed them out of every game (if you don’t include the OT at Texas A&M). Then the Dawgs scored early, and Kentucky couldn’t keep up – because they have no offense. Benny Snell was smothered, and the ‘Decider For The SEC East’ was over quickly. Now comes a trip to Neyland Stadium. We don’t expect the place to be full – tickets were selling in the top deck for a juicy $8 each – and this will be close. Tennessee’s the worst offensive team in the division…and Kentucky’s just behind them. PREDICTION: This will be really ugly. We’re going for the upset. Tennessee to win by 3.
6. No.7 LSU (-13.5) at Arkansas: After being crushed at home by Alabama, LSU will be licking its wounds all the way to Fayetteville for the Arkansas game. While Arkansas fans will be excited about playing LSU after the ‘Battle of Baton Rouge’, LSU will be looking to continue what has been an excellent season. PREDICTION: LSU rolls by 27.
7. Ole Miss at Texas A&M (-11.5): According to Aggie fans, Kellen Mond had a nightmare day against Auburn, but if there’s one tonic you need for a crappy quarterback performance, it’s Ole Miss’ defense, which can’t catch a cold. PREDICTION: Texas A&M by 21. Ole Miss: PLEASE FIRE YOUR DEFENSIVE CO-ORDINATOR. NOW.

It was meant to be ‘The Game Of The Century’. It was No.1 Alabama, going to the most evil place alive….Baton Rouge. No.3 LSU was waiting, the crowd was off-the-hook…..and Alabama coasted to a 28-0 victory.

Although LSU’s defense played mightily, the offense simply didn’t show up, struggling with Quinton Williams and Bama’s devilishly-effective pash rush, and Joe Burrow spent most of the game running for his life. On the other side of the ball, Tua was also running – but showed he was as happy making a throw off the run as anyone else in football. And when Bama’s running backs came into play, it was frightening.

The thing about LSU is that they weren’t bad on Saturday. They were just another team to get butt-kicked by ‘Bama.

So here are your SEC Power Rankings. And as we’ve mentioned before, it’s about how teams are playing right now, rather than the transitive properties of winning.

The sad news is that the SEC as a league is pretty much over until December. Both Alabama and Georgia clinched their divisions.

1. Alabama (9-0): Absolutely peerless this season. Saban’s decision to promote instead of hire offensive co-ordinators and defensive co-ordinators looks absolutely genius. Everyone on this team – apart from special teams – looks excellent. Good luck to anyone trying to beat them this season. They clinched the SEC West in Baton Rouge, by the way.
2. Georgia (8-1): The Bulldogs went back to playing a physical style of football against Florida, and continued the same against Kentucky, and they were absolutely dominant. Because of the loss against LSU, the Bulldogs can’t afford another loss if they are to get into the play-off. That’s OK, because they clinched the SEC East, and will play the SEC Championship Game against…..Alabama.
3. LSU (7-2): The Tigers were outmatched. Coach O has managed to recruit good offensive depth for 2019, and they’ll need it – they were getting destroyed on Saturday. Also, they were unlucky not to get a bunch of holding calls when on defense. But then again, #SECRefs.
4. Mississippi State (6-3): Nick Fitzgerald AGAIN plays solidly, and Cowbell Central comfortably puts away Louisiana Tech. Fitzgerald will have to be on fire if MSU manages to pull off any kind of upset (ie keeping the spread to under the 30 that it is now).
5. Kentucky (7-2): The Cats have no offense. And when you go down early against Georgia, and your running back is completely suffocated, it’s going to hurt. And yes, we get they beat Mississippi State comfortably, but that was then…this is now.
6. Auburn (6-3): The Tigers aren’t a wonderful team. But they pulled out a victory against Texas A&M when they needed to. But you can’t help but feel that the Tigers are one of the most disappointing teams of 2018…and that doesn’t bode well for two of the nastiest teams Auburn will now have to play in the next few weeks…..Georgia and Alabama.
7. Texas A&M (5-4): THIS IS THE BEST FOUR-LOSS TEAM IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL (Maybe).
8. Florida (6-3): The Gators played well for three quarters against Georgia….and looked utterly lost against Missouri. This team has to be careful or the season could descend into nothing.
9. Missouri (5-4): Massive on the road win over Florida – Drew Lock’s first win against a ranked team – and this team could well have been 7-2 if it hadn’t shot itself in the foot against both South Carolina and Kentucky. Seriously.
10. South Carolina (5-3): Won a shoot-out at Ole Miss. When this South Carolina wins in a shoot-out, the opposition’s defense probably needs a bit of work.
11. Vanderbilt (4-5): Vanderbilt’s stuffing of Arkansas on Week 9 still makes me believe that they aren’t altogether terrible.
12. Tennessee (4-5): They beat Charlotte. And struggled while doing it. Well done #sarcasm.
13. Ole Miss (5-4): As proved yet again, the Rebels have no defense. As we said before, the DC has to go. Preferably now.
14. Arkansas (2-6): Yeah, so the Razorbacks aren’t very good.