A few days after he was announced as the head coach of Arizona State, I put a tweet out that basically said how much the hire sucked. I wasn’t the only one.

After last Saturday’s stunning win over Oregon, I might well have been wrong.

That got me thinking to hirings that have happened in the SEC…..and the bad ones. We’re not going anywhere near Arkansas’ interim coaching hire John L. Smith, because he inherited Bobby Petrino’s trainwreck (or motorcycle wreck) and then Brett Bielema arrived.

Every SEC school has had their crappy SEC hires. Some further back in time than others.

ALABAMA: Jennings B. Whitworth (1955-57): Although circumstances weren’t great for Whitworth (he came after Harold Drew’s 4-5-2 season, and subsequently was only allowed to hire two of his ‘own men’ and had to keep all the other assistants (not good for coaching morale), Whitworth embarked on sending the Tide to a legendary 14-game losing streak. Having said all that, all clouds had a silver lining: His firing paved the way for another coach to come in who smelt of whiskey, cigarettes and actual success: Bear Bryant.

ARKANSAS: Chad Morris (2017-2018): Came in on a six year, $21 million contract, Morris was meant to signal a new turnaround after the departure of Brett Bielema. Instead, he delivered a 2-10 record in his first year (0-8 in the SEC), and 2-8 (0-6 in the SEC) record in 2018, punctuated by losses to San Jose State and Western Kentucky. He lost his job after the WKU blowout. What a waste of money that was.

AUBURN: Earl Brown (1948-50): Brown’s stretch at Auburn was quite incredible. The team went 3-22-4 in his time on The Plains, which included getting outscored 258 to 31. That took some doing. His only saving grace? Beating Alabama 14-13 in the 1949 Iron Bowl, where his 1-4-3 team beat the 6-2-1 Crimson Tide – helped by a miss-kick from an Alabama kicker.

FLORIDA: Raymond Wolf (1946-9): Wolf’s hiring in Gainseville came after he served in World War II. It wasn’t pretty. He went 9-19-1 and somehow got another year’s contract after Florida students wanted to keep him around, but was promptly fired a year later after his 10th-placed finish for the second time in a row. The one bit of a joy was a 28-7 win over Georgia in The Cocktail Party.

GEORGIA: Johnny Griffith (1961-3): Griffith’s brilliant finishes in Athens went 9th-7th-9th, and predictably it wasn’t going to go down too well with Dawgs fans. The highlight of his career when he accused the man he replaced, Wally Butts, of consipiring with Bear Bryant to beat the Dawgs after he sent The Houndstoothed One plays, formations and other stuff he might need to win out. He was promptly sued. And lost.

KENTUCKY: Bill Curry (1990-6): Coming off a fairly successful stint at Alabama, where he won a SEC title and reached a bowl in all of time in Tuscaloosa, Curry – after turning down a contract offer from Alabama – came down to Kentucky with quite a bit of fanfare. There, the trumpeteers ran out of breath, as the Wildcats had one winning season under him, and under his tenure were an awful 26-52 including an SEC record of 14-40. The 38-14 loss in the Governor’s Cup to Louisville was perhaps the last straw for the powers-that-be in Lexington.

LSU: Curley Hallman (1991-94): Hallman never had a winning record or reached a bowl in his time at LSU, which lasted four long seasons (somehow). His best-known game came in 1994 when the Tigers were comfortably beating Auburn until Jamie Howard threw SIX interceptions, which took quite some doing. He was told he would resign or be fired. He refused to resign. And was fired.

MISSISSIPPI STATE: Rocky Felker (1986-90): It’s not easy taking over a school that’s not exactly guilded in great SEC history, but Felker’s job was wonderfully feckless. After a perfectly acceptable 7-5 season in 1986, Felker then won three SEC games in three years during his time, adding to the grand total of two in 1986. His 1988 1-10 season was a particular low point – the second-worst in Cowbell history. He never held a head coaching position again, although he did come back and was a successful OC – and still works in MSU’s football operations department.

MISSOURI: (WARNING, INCLUDES BIG 8/12 COACH TOO) Bob Stull (1989-93): Stull was terrible in his time at Missouri, posting up a 15-38-2 record with a shiny Big 8 record of 8-27. One of Stull’s famous moments, though, was being the head of ‘Fifth Down Game’ against Colorado, when the Buffaloes inexplicably got an extra down, leading to a touchdown that was one of college football’s iconic moments (for refereeing screw-ups). We also considered Woody Wiedenhofer (1985-1988), but we’ve given him to Vanderbilt.

OLE MISS: Ed Orgeron (2005-7): As much as he is loved by LSU fans, let’s not forget the reason why he didn’t get head coaching jobs at Tennessee and USC (although his players loved him) – his time at Ole Miss was atrocious. In his three years in Oxford he went 10-25 and 3-21 in the SEC, including a terrible 0-8 season in 2007, where the final straw was losing to Mississippi State. The biggest highlight that I can remember from his time there was his excellent cameo in The Blind Side.

SOUTH CAROLINA: Brad Scott (1994-98): His tenure is still remembered by Gamecocks fans as ‘the dark days’ – and for good reasons. Although he managed two winning seasons and two seasons of .500 Eastern Conference play, he also masterminded a season in 1998 where the Gamecocks lost 10 games in a row, with his final send-off a 28-19 loss at hated rival Clemson.

TENNESSEE: Derek Dooley (2010-2012): As much as the Big Orange fanbase hated Butch Jones, Dooley was the worst coach in Volunteers history by some margin, posting zero winning seasons and a 4-19 in-conference record. This included winning one SEC game in two years. Weirdly, he’ll be looking at getting his pink slip again this year as Missouri’s offensive coordinator.

TEXAS A&M: Jim Myers (1958-61): While there might be an argument between Myers and Hank Foldberg (someone tweeted us to say his grandfather loathed playing for him) as to who the worst A&M coach was in its history, we’re going for Myers because of his incredible Southwest Conference losing record where he went 5-18-3 with two straight winless SWC seasons in 1959 and 1960 and losing to Texas every time during his tenure. Still, he found a job after A&M, becoming the Dallas Cowboys offensive coordinator/assistant head coach under Tom Landry for 26 years….so you could say that being at Kyle Field taught him a lesson or two. There were Texas A&M fans who lobbied for Dennis Franchione to get on the list, but mainly because of the 77-0 drubbing by Oklahoma in the first year of his tenure. But Franchione turned it around beating Texas in the final two years of his tenure. But combined with the fact he never won a bowl game with the Aggies, he was pushed out. 

VANDERBILT: Woody Widenhofer (1997-2001): After compiling a dreadful record with Missouri where he went 12-31-1 and 8-20 in Big 8 play, I’m sure that journalists around wouldn’t have understood why in the hell the Commodores went and hired Widenhofer, who was originally the team’s defensive coordinator in Ron Dowhower’s 2-9 team. Anyway, The Hoff only won 4 games during his time in the SEC and compiled a total record of 15-40. Stunningly enough, he never coached again.

Texas A&M visits Georgia for the first time in its SEC history. For CBS, Gary Danielson will try and sound sympathetic if a football player runs into a photographer (probably for the first time in history), and Brad Nessler will call his buddy ‘pardner’, like he was John Wayne in an ole shoot-out movie (as he does every week).

It would be strange if anything else – like an upset in Texas A&M’s favour – happened.

But that’s not the important part that you should pay attention.

It’s the parallels you should pay attention to:

• They both have weird affections for dogs

Texas A&M takes the affection for the canine to a whole new level. Aggies fans worship Reveille (it’s actually pronounced ‘Rev-e-llie’ in Texan, but it actually means ‘dream’ in French), a Lassie-Hound that’s hair and features are more manicured than some of its oil booster fanbase, which stars people who are 70 but try to look 40….in all sort of areas. Anyway, Reveiille has its own handler to take it to class, and there’s some law that if the dog barks in class, then everyone gets the class off. That’s led to many-a-student trying every trick in the book to get Lassie to roar, but apparently scaring The Cult’s idol will neither get you in their good books or get you out of class.

While Georgia dresses up its bulldog and puts him either on ice in his kennel (in hot weather), or sits in a kennel (cold weather), the lovely bulldog comes with a handler, which is a good thing, because of otherwise he would still be clamped onto that Auburn player’s leg.

Oh, and both sets of fans have graves for their dogs after they pass away.

UGA BARKING AIN’T GONNA GET Y’ALL OUT OF CLASS!! Georgia 0, Texas A&M 1 

• The chants, the chants, the chants

In the dog tradition, Georgia fans love to bark at you. I don’t for the life at me know why, but when some fairly rotund 40-year old ex-frat boy called Forrest who’s with his fraternity brother’s real estate company in an effort to keep his wife – who he met while she was searching for her MRS degree – decides its OK to bark like a bulldog (gruffness included), that’s not only stupid, but it’s really weird.

We don’t mind the ‘It’s great to be, a Georgia Bulldog’. It’s fine as a chant.

But Texas A&M, dear God. Aggie fans seem to have a chant for just about anything. The students are required to stand through every play so that if required, one of them can come on as the 12^th Man, as happened back in their history. The 12^th Man thing has been going far longer than Seattle’s effort, and the two sides managed to come to an agreement to stop legalities getting out of hand). Most students simply stand up throughout a game….but with Texas A&M it’s a THING. Oh, and the chants aren’t chats….THEY ARE GODAMMNED YELLS. They even have a practice for them, and away fans give them a spot too. If you watch it happen, the Yell leaders leading the way look like an 80s boybands – albeit with crew-cuts dressed up in overalls.

Texas A&M doesn’t have female cheerleaders or dance teams, where Georgia does. Georgia 1, Texas A&M 1…BUT A&M HAVE THEM CHANTS!! Georgia 1, Texas A&M 2 

They both weirdly despise a local rival

Georgia really hates Georgia Tech. They might spit bullets about other SEC rivals, but they have a chant that ends ‘To Hell With Georgia Tech’. Even if Georgia was one of the best teams in college football and Georgia Tech was one of the worst (like this season), Georgia fans still dislike their, ahem, more intelligent rival, called them ‘The Nerds”, disregarding the fact that Georgia Tech alums are probably going to make a shedload more money, on average.

Texas A&M also despises the ‘establishment school’ in the same state, singing a song that includes the words “Saw Varsity’s Horns Off”, flashing the ‘Texas Middle Finger’ (Horns Down), and despite moving to the SEC, still celebrate a Texas loss almost more than a Texas A&M win. The sad fact? The two teams haven’t played each other since A&M’s move to the Big 12 and most ADs got their panties in a twist, and the fans have followed suit, saying: “I don’t wanna play those ****ers anyway”, which is really a lie, because we all know they’d kill to make it happen.

Georgia gets the point, because Georgia actually plays its local rival. Georgia 2, Texas A&M 2  

They have awesome and weird heroes 

Georgia has Herschel Walker. Walker – immortalised by Larry Munson’s call – was one of the best running backs college football has ever seen. In his 3 years in college, he never had less than a 1,600 rushing yard, 15 TD season (his freshman season), and a Heisman to boot (1982).

Texas A&M has Johnny Manziel. Manziel was amazing during his freshman year, duking, flying and embarrassing Alabama’s defense was a highlight of his career, and he took home a Heisman. Right now, he’s probably doing mounds of blow in the Nissan Heisman House – a reason why he’s never appeared in one of their cringeworthy ads. A

But for sheer weirdness, there’s A&M’s 12th Man, EE King Gill, who was pulled off the stands in 1921 and helped the team to a major upset. He was A&M’s Rudy, except A) He was more useful than Rudy  B) He didn’t appear in Lord Of The Rings C) Has a statue outside Kyle Field and D) Texas A&M got a patent for the 12th Man thing in 1990. Because of him A&M students stand up all game, ready to get the call to play if needed.

Georgia wins for the Heisman, A&M wins for the weirdness: Georgia 3, Texas A&M 3

NFL logos, yo! 

The Seattle Seahawks got crazy about the whole 12th Man thing in 2006, throwing out the 12th Man thing like it was something original. Texas A&M got angry, and promptly sued Seattle because NO-ONE DISRESPECTS THE 12TH MAN AND TRIES TO MAKE MONEY OFF HIS BRAVERY LIKE THAT, YOU NORTHWESTERN, LIBERAL HIPPIES (Apart from us but that’s different!!). Anyway, Seattle chilled out a bit and paid the Aggies $100,000 of apology money plus $5,000 a year to Texas A&M for use of the 12th Man logo. That was upped to $140,000 in the new deal in $140,000. In other words, don’t say the words “12th Man” in a bar or you’ll get your ass sued.

Georgia’s ‘G’ was another bone of contention. If you look at it, Georgia’s ‘G’ and that of the Green Bay Packers are exactly the same. Believe me, I spent ages comparing the two until I decided I would look it all up on the Internet Superhighway. Green Bay invented the forward-looking ‘G’ first in 1961, and in 1963 Georgia reinvented its ‘G’ too. But it didn’t end up in financial fistfights like it did with the oil barons of Texas and tech hippies of Seattle. Green Bay gave its permission, and both sides are using it quite happily. And no ass has talked ‘double G cross-branding’ either, which is a delight.

Texas A&M vs Seattle was more fun: Georgia 3, Texas A&M 4. 

So who’s going to win the actual game on Saturday?

Texas A&M’s defense is actually pretty stout (23 per game, 23rd in the country) and this should make it interesting against a Georgia offense that has sputtered all year long. It will have to have some long, long drives if Texas A&M’s punter Braden Mann is up to his usual standards. But Georgia’s defense is amazing, and we think it will get it done against a Texas A&M offense that is pretty medicore. If they swamp Kellen Mond, the Bulldogs will coast.

Georgia’s a 13-1/2 point favourite, but wins by 10. 

SO IT’S ALL EQUAL……except Georgia’s going to win the more important game.

There are other SEC games this week. We’ve got Tennessee to beat Missouri (-4) on the road by 7, LSU (-41) to beat Arkansas by 35, Vanderbilt to beat East Tennessee State by 21, Auburn (-48) to beat Samford by 31, Alabama (-61) to beat Western Carolina by 54, Kentucky to beat UT-Martin by 31 and Mississippi State to tune up Abeline Christian by 28.

For once people are talking about what this blog has been ranting about all season long: LSU’s defense is utter crap. They were shredded by Texas, Florida and Alabama – all of which were good teams – so we’ll grant them that. The secondary – the self-proclaimed ‘DBU’ throughout the season hasn’t been great.

And it was all shown up on Saturday against Ole Miss.

LSU won because their offense was a little better than Ole Miss’ in the Tigers’ 58-37 victory, but the defense gave up SIX HUNDRED AND FOURTEEN YARDS, including 400 on the ground. We’ll say it again, 400 yards on the ground. The defensive line never hurried John Rhys Plumlee and Matt Corrall, and they totalled just 5 tackles-for-loss. The defense look unmotivated, almost to the point of not cared.

Joe Burrow pointed out that he couldn’t understand why a team that put up 700 yards was mad in the locker room. Well Joe, because if LSU’s defense plays like that in the SEC Championship Game, it’s got problems. If it comes against Ohio State or Clemson in the College Football Play-Off, it’s definitely got problems.

No-one can stop them and they sure as hell can’t stop you. So they are a Big XII team. 

Ranking the SEC teams with :

–—- RIGHT HERE ARE THE SEC ELITE TEAMS —– 

1. Georgia (9-1): Helped by some awful refereeing, Georgia battled through an excellent Auburn defense to win 21-14. It was looking much more comfortable than that until the Bulldogs suddenly decided to give Bo Nix time to throw – which he did, connecting with a few receivers. Georgia doesn’t have a wonderful offense, but in the SEC Championship Game we expect DeAndre Swift to run roughshod. And the Bulldogs have enough good defense to stop LSU. All we are thinking is: “Don’t play zone. Don’t play zone. Don’t play zone.”
2. LSU (10-0): LSU IS A BIG 12 TEAM.
3. Alabama (9-1): Tua’s done for the year. It won’t matter next week, but it will in the Iron Bowl. Still Mac Jones and Bo Nix look fair fights. In fact, we’d take Mac Jones.
4. Florida (8-2): The Gators rolled past Missouri in the second half. These jort-wearers are looking good (unlike their teeth).

—-RIGHT HERE IS LEAGUE OF THE TWO BEST THREE-LOSS TEAMS IN THE COUNTRY—–

1. Auburn (7-3): THE BEST THREE-LOSS TEAM IN THE COUNTRY. Seriously though, what did that defense do to deserve an offense like that? And even when Gus Malzahn dialled up the perfect play, Bo Nix couldn’t execute. I still don’t understand why Joey Gatewood wasn’t given more of an opportunity.
2. Texas A&M (7-3): USED TO BE THE BEST THREE-LOSS TEAM IN THE COUNTRY. The classiest moment in college football this season happened in Kyle Field on Saturday night, when the Texas A&M crowd held up three fingers to acknowledge the death of South Carolina QB’s Ryan Hilinki’s brother Tyler. And even cooler? At Midnight Yell the day before the A&M cheerleaders asked the fans to honor the player the day beforehand.

—- RIGHT HERE IS THE LEAGUE OF ORDINARY—-

1. Tennessee (5-5): Beat bye week, which gave Tennessee fans nothing to yell at. It was a strange day in the Appalachians.
2. Kentucky (5-5): Eviscerated Vanderbilt. Lynn Bowden Jr might be going back to wide receiving duties next year, but right now he’s playing well. Kentucky’s SEC schedule is over (3-5), but they can still get to a bowl game with one win over either UT-Martin and Louisville. Quite frankly, it should be two.

—– RIGHT HERE IS THE LEAGUE OF STINKY EGGINESS—— 

1. Ole Miss (4-7): Ole Miss couldn’t stop LSU, but LSU couldn’t stop Ole Miss. It was a fun game played in a terrible atmosphere. The Egg Bowl will bring all the hatred back on Thanksgiving, though, when we watch two terrible teams throw crap at each other. The one who has least faeces on his uniform wins.
2. Mississippi State (4-7): A win over bye week means that no-one blamed Joe Moorhead for the loss.

—- RIGHT HERE IS THE LEAGUE OF ROTTING GARBAGE—-

Warning: This is a much of a muchness. South Carolina are No.1 because they beat Georgia. 

1. South Carolina (4-7): Again, looked utterly inept against Texas A&M – not helped by the loss of star WR Bryan Edwards. Will Muschamp’s staying for another year. Here’s to hoping in the meantime the Gamecocks for him to can Bryan McLendon, the team’s OC.
2. Vanderbilt (2-8): The Commodores are so bad. And still thumped Missouri a couple of weeks’ ago.
3. Missouri (5-5): Got soundly beaten by Florida. The Tigers last scored a touchdown in the third quarter of the 29-7 loss at Kentucky. Two-and-a-third games ago. Why are they the second-worst team in the SEC right now? Because it seems that the team’s downwards trajectory can’t be stopped. Barry Odom still needs a win from Tennessee and Arkansas to make a bowl game. And quite frankly, we can’t see it against Tennessee.

—- ON THEIR OWN GODDAWFULLNESS

Arkansas (2-8): ‘Nuff said. Still, with LSU’s defense they could score 14-21 points next Saturday.

The outpouring of love from the media for LSU has ben stunning this year. Sports Illustrated did an article on the beauty of the spread offense about Northwestern State. People couldn’t stop talking about Joe Burrow’s freak performance against Texas (forgetting LSU’s defense had given up a boatload to Texas that day). College Gameday went to Death Valley for the LSU/Florida game – a game covered by ESPN (which made Chris Fowler and Kirk Herbstreit happy, because generally their games this season have been utterly forgettable). And then, when LSU went to Alabama, they beat them for the first time in eight years.

It wasn’t just Alabama or Nick Saban-haters who celebrated. It felt like the whole country.

THE BACKGROUND

But this wasn’t always the case. LSU fans seemed to love The Mad Hatter and his recruiting,  but in the end fell out of love when the ‘fun tricks’ covered up his utter incompetence came through – especially when it came to hiring offensive coordinators, who seemed to ignore the amount of talent the school had at receiving coaches, prompting any good quarterback in the country to go “I’m definitely NOT playing there”. And they hated the fact that his record against Alabama was 3-7, including getting blown out in a National Championship Game.

But then Ed Orgeron came in. His time at Ole Miss was terrible, but after that, he was much beloved. People couldn’t understand why he wasn’t hired by USC, where he was much-loved. And when he came to LSU, there was a mixed feeling.

For the first couple of years, LSU came away with pleasing records (7-2 and 10-3) which included a number of Top 10 victories, but the loss to Troy (2017), as well as domination in games and recruiting by Alabama, had ‘Coach O”s plentiful behind put on the hot seat.

But then came 2019. Ed Orgeron hired Joe Brady, a young offensive coordinator from the Penn State/ New Orleans Saints lineage, told his buddy Steve Ensminger to effectively take a back seat, and is promptly unbeaten – including beating Alabama. And unlike Les Miles, Ed Orgeron’s teams are winning in an exciting, fun manner.

The team’s won the SEC Championship, and it’s in the College Football Play-Off.

It seems the world is in love with LSU.

1. It’s not Alabama

There seems to be an underlying trend in college football that when Nick Saban loses, an angel gets its wings. People seem to downright hate Alabama – even more than usual. Maybe it’s because it’s been simmering as people see the houndstooth. Maybe it’s because Alabama fans seem to lose worse than other college football fans (every loss is not about shrugging shoulder but a full-on outcry). Or maybe its because people are just bored to hell of Alabama winning, and winning and winning. People are resigned to ‘Alabama No.1, Clemson No.2’ and hope that if there’s an overturning off the applecart, then great. So when LSU won in Tuscaloosa, it felt less like an exorcism, but more an overturning of the applecart.

And in a world that’s been Tua, Tua, Tua, it’s been refreshing that the name on everyone’s lips going to the NFL Draft will be Joe Burrow, who’s making amazing plays and putting up video game numbers en route to the schoo’s first  Heisman since 1959. He’s fun, he’s emotional, and he’s exceptional.

2. Everyone loves Coach O

Ed Orgeron is a more competent version Iowa State’s former coach Paul Rhoads. Like Rhoads, he loves his guys. You get the impression he would run through a wall for them. He ends every interview – with his immensely gravelly, Louisianan voice with “Go Tigahs”, something that has been mimicked by every college football fan in America (apart from Alabama and Florida fans, you suspect). His speech in the locker room – while it pissed off some – might have ended up with him apologising, but to be quite honest, wasn’t that what every coach would have said after getting a monkey off its back?

3. The offense is fun

As mentioned before, people loved Les Miles and the ‘haul-it-out-of-your-ass’ offense, but it was repetitive. He simply gave it to a running back, and expected that to be that. But his quarterbacks since JaMarcus Russell have been nigh-on terrible, taking away the talent that he recruited in the wide receiver area. But Joe Brady has revolutionised things. They have a capable QB in Joe Burrow. The damned talented wide receivers seem to be running smoother routes. It’s just….so fun to watch. And coupled up with a defense that is (ahem) not great and you’ve got what is basically a very talented Big 12 team.

4. It’s great for a state that’s had it tough

A lot of people love going to New Orleans to destroy their livers and have a good time, and the New Orleans Saints have been one of the NFL’s most celebrated franchises – mainly since Hurricane Katrina. But despite the population of the state going, the state is still facing its problems. The state has one of the lowest literacy rates in the country. There has been a ‘brain drain’ from the city, where a bunch of people move to ‘where the money is’ like Houston and other places. And it seems that people want Louisiana to be happy. So when LSU beat Alabama, it felt like college football was celebrating the Saints.

And if they keep up their immense recruiting standards – they are ranked third in the nation and second in the SEC (behind Alabama)  – like this, will be putting a wall around the same way in the same way as great teams at Miami put a wall around the city when building their phenomenal teams in the early times. Six of the incoming 2020 group of commits are scheduled to sign with the Tigers come National Signing Day Part 1 next week.

5. And to repeat….

It’s not Alabama.

LSU’s band’s commitment to asking Alabama fans to commit beastiality on Mike The Tiger was evident on Saturday night, after the Tigers finally beat Alabama 46-41 in Tuscaloosa.

It was a fantastic game. LSU plundered points from Alabama miscues, flying out to a 33-13 lead at half-time, before deciding to play conservatively, helping the Tide to roar back within 6. Then Joe Brady took the microphone back over, the spread offense which has entertained us all season long came back into action, and Clyde Edwards-Helaire’s touchdown in the final breaths of the game virtually confirmed victory. And to make matters better, Justin Jefferson, brother of one of the most hated LSU quarterbacks in history (Jordan), caught the onside kick that sealed the victory.

LSU fans will insist to you that it “wasn’t close”, and that’s a lie. It was close. But had LSU gone Big 12-style for four quarters, Alabama would have been blown out of the water.

And the game would have gone on for 5 hours.

Anyway, here are our rankings – this time in how they would play or have played against a truly awful team in Missouri:

1. LSU (9-0): Need we say more. Would flatten Missouri.
2. Alabama (8-1): The offense is a lot of fun to watch, while the young defense is excruciating for everyone who’s an Alabama fan….and no-one who isn’t. Hasn’t played Missouri, but would kill them.
3. Georgia (8-1): The Bulldogs trundled to a comfortable victory over Missouri. Helped by the fact that they’ve got an awesome defense, Kelly Bryant wasn’t playing and the usual inept offensive playcalling from Missouri, Georgia coasted. The only reason why they are No.3 here is that their loss to South Carolina is looking worse and worse. And worse.
4. Florida (8-2): Smashed Vanderbilt. Then again, anyone not called Missouri has smashed Vanderbilt this season. Florida will play Missouri on Saturday. Chalk up another ‘W’.
5. Auburn (7-2): Beat Bye Week, which lessened the heat under Gus Malzahn’s ass. Now the heat will return in a defensive war against Georgia on Saturday. We think that even with their putrid offense they could score a hatful against Missouri. And concede nothing.
6. Texas A&M (6-3): STILL THE BEST THREE-LOSS TEAM IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL, YO. Some people on Twitter took to making fun of Texas’ celebrations of beating a ranked opponent on Saturday. Until it was pointed out that the last ranked opponent that Texas A&M beat was last season. Still, Texas A&M could beat Missouri comfortably, even if Missouri isn’t ranked. Which they aren’t. Because they suck.
7. Tennessee (5-5): The Vols are exploding. There’s no way to put it. The goal-line stand against Kentucky was something special. Jarrett Guarantano is looking semi-OK as a quarterback. They could finish the season 7-5 with wins over Missouri and Vanderbilt (Hint: Both will happen).
8. Kentucky (4-5): The Wildcats were poor against Tennessee, and blew a 13-0 lead to lose 17-13. We don’t know if it’s the chat about Mark Stoops going to Florida State or something else, but something’s not right with Big Blue. But they beat the pants off Missouri this season.
9. Ole Miss (4-6): The Rebels aren’t particularly great, but their win over New Mexico State at least put some smiles on faces in Oxford. They lost earlier to Missouri this season, but right now, we’d make them a touchd0wn favorite.
10. Mississippi State (4-6): The Egg Bowl is going to be disgustingly putrid this year. The Bulldogs still have a chance to go bowling if they win two out of three of their next games. Sadly for them, one of those teams on the schedule isn’t Missouri.
11. South Carolina (4-6): HOW IN SWEET GOD’S NAME DID THIS TEAM BEAT GEORGIA? The Gamecocks were utterly inept against Appalachian State. Bryan Edwards gave the Gamecocks a prayer at the end of the game, but this crapshow of a performance has made the grumbling start about Will Muschamp. And deservedly so. Oh, and this team lost to Missouri this season. So they suck.
12. Vanderbilt (2-7): How do you move up a spot when you’ve just been shellacked on the road by Florida? Because you shellacked Missouri. Will Derek Mason keep his job? His players might run through the wall for him, but the board of trustees might not.
13. Missouri (5-4): Here’s the weird thing: If Missouri win two out of the next three games (and the last two are against Tennessee and Arkansas), they will finish an almost-respectable 7-5. But the offense is wrong, and frankly, Barry Odom and Derek Dooley have to go. This team is also incredible at beating itself.
14. Arkansas (2-8): The Razorbacks just ***-canned Chad Morris. Which is good for fans in Fayetteville, because he was terrible. There is so much wrong with the program that it’s maddening and saddening. Just remember: They fired Brett Bielema because he wasn’t ‘doing the job’ for the team. As Jenn Bielema would say, karma. Oh, and they play Missouri at the end of the season which could see their first SEC win since October 28th, 2017.

The pigs finally put their own to sleep as Arkansas fired Chad Morris on Sunday after the Razorbacks were thumped 45-19 by Western Kentucky.

There wasn’t a lot nice to say about Morris’ reign in Arkansas. He had a total of 4 wins in his tenure, and none of them were SEC wins.

He will walk away with $10 million, after originally coming along in a six-year, $21 million contract. ESPN has pointed out that under the terms of his contract, the Razorbacks still owe him 70% of the remaining salary.

In other words, no-one is feeling two sorry for him – especially after the team continued to lose in the SEC (17 game streak), and be utterly porous

In fact, he worsened Arkansas’ record to 17 games. In the last four games, it was noted that the Razorbacks lost their games by total of 138 points – the worst four-game loss mark in their history.

In other words, Chad Morris’ reign was a pig sty.

In other news, Jenn Bielema hasn’t tweeted the word “Karma”, yet.

It’s hard not be excited about this weekend’s clash between LSU and Alabama in Tuscaloosa.

College Gameday’s excited. CBS is excited. The SEC is excited. The 100,000 fans who are going to be there are excited, plus the thousands who are going to be tailgating. The College Football Play-Off Committee – who voted LSU No.2 and Alabama as No3 – is excited.

Oh, and Donald Trump’s excited. He just loves college football, man, he’s not there for political capital or anything.

This is going to be a showdown of offenses. Both are sizzling right now. Joe Burrow and Tua Tagovailoa have got their offenses on afterburn, helped by explosive future NFL wide receivers on both sides. The defenses? Both have looked a little porous, although with Alabama it’s been the ‘bend but don’t break style’, while LSU’s gone for the Big XII-style “Shoot, we’ll just outscore ’em” style.

To give the stats, LSU has the 4th-best offense in the nation, averaging a tidy 46.8 points per game. Alabama has had 48.6 points per game (ranking second). Alabama has given up 122 points to LSU’s 160, and a lot of people will point that a vast majority of Alabama’s points-concessions happened during junk time when the Tide were already gazillions of points in front.

LSU has faced by far and away the better teams, with a trip to then-Top 10 team Texas followed by monster home games against Florida and Auburn. Alabama can point to winning at Kyle Field, and, er, battles against South Carolina and Tennessee.

Joe Burrow has been talked about as the nation’s leading Heisman contender, throwing for 2,805 yards and 30 TDs this season. He’s been helped by a spread offense that’s finally using some of the best athletes in the land – a stretch away from the previous historical incompetencies that made Jarvis Landry and Odell Beckham Jr almost sideshows a few years ago. His weapons – Justin Jefferson (819 yards, 9 TDs) and Ja’Mar Chase (749 yards, 9 TDs) have both been deadly, but Terrance Marshall (333 yards, 7 TDs) and Thaddeus Moss have also contributed heavily. Oh, and RB Clyde Edwards-Helaire (808 yards, 8 TDs) can fly too.

But all the talk is the injury to Tua, who has banked 2,166 yards and 27 TDs so far this season. The QB injured his ankle against Tennessee and consequently needed ankle surgery. We don’t know what his progress is, but Nick Saban has said he will be a game-time decision. Since Saban isn’t going to tell anyone whether his future NFL first-rounder is OK or not before the biggest clash of the year, we won’t know until he steps on that field.

The biggest problem for LSU, though, is their defense. The last time a team with a semi-competent offense came along, they conceded 28 points and 457 yards (Florida). Before that all was the talk about Joe Burrow’s monster game at Texas (he passed for 471 yards), but people seem to forget that Sam Ehlinger threw on LSU’s ‘vaunted’ secondary for 407. If LSU’s ‘D’ plays as badly as they did in those two games, they are a world of trouble. It’s not going to be helped by the fact that future first rounder Grant Delpit is back, but probably he won’t be 100%. Derek Stingley Jr, one of the best freshman CBs in the nation, is also questionable. If they aren’t 100%, how on earth will they stop Jeremy Jeudy (682 yards, 8 TDs), Henry Ruggs (588 yards, 7 TDs), and Devonta Smith (721 yards, 9 TDs)?

If Tua is hurt, then it’s advantage LSU for sure. Of course, Najee Harris and Brian Robinson will smash the ball down the throat of LSU, hoping to shorten the game and control the ball, helped by the fact that LSU’s starting LB Michael Divinity has left the team for reasons unknown.

PREDICTION: If Tua is healthy, Alabama will win by 10, if not LSU wins by 7.

And the rest?

2) Missouri at No.6 Georgia (-10 1/2) : The Bulldogs jumped back into the National Conversation after beating Florida at the Cocktail Party, while Missouri has gone completely the wrong way after incompetent losses to Vanderbilt and Kentucky. Frankly, we’re surprised that the line’s not higher in Georgia’s favour. If Missouri gets housed this weekend, there will be a ton of pressure on Barry Odom. PREDICTION: Georgia by 17.

3) Vanderbilt at No.10 Florida (-28): Florida wasn’t great against Georgia, and still managed to keep it tight against Georgia. All eyes will be on Florida DC Todd Grantham not to screw it up on third down like he did against Georgia….although against Vanderbilt, this will be far worse opposition. PREDICTION: Florida by 31.

4) App State at South Carolina (-5 1/2): The Gamecocks weren’t impressed against Vanderbilt, but it was never close. Applachian State’s offense has enough to cause anyone problems (they are 13th in the nation in scoring), so this should be more fun than most people think it might be. PREDICTION: South Carolina by 10.

5) Western Kentucky at Arkansas (-1): This is how terrible Arkansas is. They are a 1-point favorite against an offense that is ranked 108th in the country. Sure, their defense is horrible, but how bad can it get? PREDICTION: Arkansas by 10. 

6) New Mexico at Ole Miss (-31): Yawn. PREDICTION: Ole Miss by 42.

LSU has released its top tackler Michael Divinity, head coach Ed Orgeron said today.

‘Coach O’ confirmed the news, saying that Divinity moved on for ‘disciplinary reasons’.

Divinity had 17 tackles, three sacks and one forced fumble for the Tigers this year, and had compiled over 100 tackles, 17 tackles for loss and eight sacks in just 29 games for the school.

The day we’ve all been waiting for is coming on Thursday.

No, it’s not Armageddon our chance to be taken up to heaven. No, it’s not that time that we get the call from Heidi Klum offering to meet her for a date.

It’s better than that. It’s the first release of the College Football Play-Off Committee’s 1-2-3-4.

This Tuesday the Committee rated their 1 to 4 as Ohio State, LSU, Alabama and Penn State. Clemson was 5th, Georgia 6th, followed by Oregon, Utah, Oklahoma and Florida.

In other words, the SEC owned the Top 10.

But if Georgia wins out, this could create a monstrous nightmare for the Committee.

THE IDEAL SCENARIO: Alabama beats LSU comfortably/ LSU beats Alabama comfortably, win rest of games, win SEC title against Georgia.

This means that there will be no argument about having two SEC teams in the College Football Play-Off. Georgia gets its second loss after the South Carolina debacle, and it’s out of the reckoning. One of Alabama and LSU don’t make the play-off either, because they got their asses handed to them and to boot, don’t win their division.

THE LESS-THAN-IDEAL BUT OK SCENARIO: Alabama beats LSU by 3/ LSU beats Alabama by 3, win rest of games, wins SEC title against Georgia. 

The loss by LSU/Alabama isn’t too bad, but the winner’s gone on to win the SEC, so that’s it. Sure, there’s a question mark about whether LSU and Alabama should stay in the College Football reckoning, but Georgia still get its second loss after the South Carolina debacle, so they can relax a bit and leave it to the Weird Guys With The Jackets to fight over the Bulldogs’ presence in a New Year’s Six/ Jan 1 bowl.

THE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO: Alabama beats LSU by 3/ LSU beats Alabama by 3. Georgia runs the table meets the winner of the LSU and Alabama game in Atlanta and beats them. 

This is a horror show for the Committee. If Alabama beats LSU or vice-versa by a tiny margin, then dropping them below 4 seems silly. After all, they lost to the 1st or 2nd-ranked team in the nation. If LSU loses closely, it’s because they were beaten-up on defense and they are on the road. A close loss actually makes them look pretty good. If Alabama loses, it’s because they had a back-up quarterback. They should be in the play-off, because Tua’s going to be back and they’ve passed an eye test.

And then comes Georgia. Georgia will have two excellent wins against Auburn and Florida, who will both be ranked in the Top 10-15, which is excellent for the resume. A win over LSU or Alabama game would – for the Bulldogs – vault them into the Committee’s eyes into the Top 4. After all, they’d just win the SEC. But here’s the horrific problem: The SEC will have to choose. They aren’t going to choose three teams to go to the College Football Play-Off. And all three teams would have one loss.

The College Football Play-Off Committee aren’t going to leave out the winner of the SEC, but also wouldn’t want to not include the winner of the GAME TO END THEM ALL (2019 version), either. And the loser can’t have done that badly, with an 11-1 season and only losing to the No.1 or No.2 team in the nation. So what in the hell do they do?

And for Georgia fans, it might all come down to that awful day in Athens. 

We admit it. We followed the bandwagon and predicted that Florida would beat Georgia at the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.

After all, Florida was bringing back two of its biggest defensive guns in Zuniga and Grennard. Georgia had been uninventive. Todd Grantham was incredible. Dan Mullen was on the rise, while Kirby was going to the other way. Hell, a former Florida cheerleader yelled at me for having the nerve to tell her that I thought Georgia had a chance. “We’re going to Atlanta!”, she said. And then stomped off when I suggested that Aaron Hernandez was perhaps not The Swamp’s greatest alum.

So with her in mind I laughed my butt off when my prediction went wrong and Georgia came through with the seven-point victory. Grennard himself admitted that he sucked. Georgia actually mixed the pass and run nicely for a change – and returned kicks. Todd Grantham couldn’t work out how to stop the Bulldogs converting on 3rd down, and Kirby Smart looked a far better coach than Dan Mullen.

So if I ever bump into that Florida cheerleader’s again, my first word will be ‘peace’, to save the chance of me producing children.

In other tales, Mississippi State hammered Arkansas, Auburn’s defense once again won a game for Gus Malzahn, Vanderbilt returned to normal at South Carolina, and Tennessee kept the momentum up by hammering UAB.

So here are the rankings:

1. LSU (8-0): The Tigers were idle, and outdrank Bye Week 140,000 – 10.
2. Alabama (8-0): ‘WE DISRESPECTED BYE WEEK, BUT WE GOT THROUGH IT. WE’VE GOT TO FOCUS!” – Nick Saban. Probably.
3. Georgia (7-1): The SEC East is theirs now. And there’s still the chance of a College Football Play-Off. A win against Auburn will certainly help the resume.
4. Florida (7-2): They aren’t going to Atlanta. Or the College Football Play-Off. But they could win out and finish in a New Year’s Six Bowl.
5. Auburn (7-2): The fanbase hates Gus Malzahn for the inept offense and they are right. They weren’t bad at putting yards up against Ole Miss (507), but won barely. The fact that Bo Nix went 30-44 and the TV guys were saying that it was his best-ever performance in an Auburn shirt was certainly dampening with faint praise. The defense is unreal, though. I feel sorry for Kevin Steele, who must say to his defensive unit: “Sorry guys, but you’re going back out there in a few plays time. Time to rescue the team again.”
6. Texas A&M (6-3): The Aggies were horrible in the first half against UTSA, but got going. Still, the first half was utterly painful. But remember folks: THIS IS THE BEST THREE-LOSS TEAM IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL (maybe). Oh, and A&M is bowl-eligible now, which means that they have gotten bowl eligibility before ‘them people from Austin’.
7. Kentucky (4-4): Got wasted on bourbon with Bye Week and talked some basketball.
8. Tennessee (4-5): Tennessee’s got momentum. After reeling off their third straight victory, there’s a real chance the Vols could get bowl-eligible – and win their next three games (Kentucky, Missouri, Vanderbilt).
9. South Carolina (4-5): The Gamecocks beat Vanderbilt and the fans are a little happier now in Gamecock country. Still, getting to bowl eligibility will mean winning two out of App State, Texas A&M and Clemson. That will be hard work for Muschamp’s team, who could end the season having beaten Georgia but not appearing in January.
10. Missouri (5-3): It was a tight game against Bye Week that Barry Odom nearly lost, but scraped through with a tie. Need one win out of Arkansas, Florida, Tennessee and Georgia to get bowl-eligible, and it ain’t gonna be against Georgia or Florida. The question around Columbia about whether Barry Odom survives (again) might be if the team goes 2-2. Or even 3-1.
11. Ole Miss (3-6): Did a lot of bending but not breaking against Auburn, but just came short. Plumlee’s a fun quarterback to watch, yo. Won’t get to bowl eligibility, but will probably win two out of the next three (New Mexico State, LSU, Mississippi State). Will Matt Luke survive? Maybe.
12. Mississippi State (4-5): The Cowbellers put up SIX HUNDRED AND FORTY YARDS in a 54-24 thrashing of Bye Week (sorry, Arkansas). Kylin Hill ran for TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FOUR YARDS, which is sensational by anyone’s standards. If there’s a ship to right, that’s the way to do it.
13. Vanderbilt (2-6): The momentum has dropped away for the cleverest school in the SEC. Quite rightly, the fanbase should be back calling for Derek Mason’s head – particularly if they don’t win another SEC game (which is totally possible, bearing in mind they’ve got Florida, Kentucky and Tennessee).
14. Arkansas (2-7): If you’re not going to fire Chad Morris, Arkansas, then fire John Chavis. NOW. The Razorbacks managed to give up 640 yards to one of the more inept offenses in the SEC. And 47 points to that offense (they gave up a pick-six). The fans are taking some heart from the younger players, but it’s obvious no-one wants to play for the team right now, who need a win over Western Kentucky to avoid having the joint-worst record in school history….with 2018.