PAAAAARTAAAAAAAAY!

It’s Cocktail Party Weekend in Jacksonville, which means that Georgia and Florida fans will be getting together for football and fighting all weekend long this weekend. Avoid The Landing at all costs, if you value your sanity.

Anyways, as it’s a Party weekend, we’re going to go all party-themed for this round of SEC Predictions. Last week we weren’t too bad, folks.

THE “WORLD’S BIGGEST OUTDOOR COCKTAIL PARTY FEATURING LOTS OF HOTTIES IN RED, BLACK, ORANGE AND BLUE DRESSES” PARTY – Georgia vs Florida

Georgia’s wasn’t bad beating Kentucky. It was awful. And they went into the BCS Top 10 despite this, too. And while Florida’s 44-11 victory of South Carolina was definitely helped by FOUR Gamecocks turnovers (which Florida turned into points), helping to cover some of their usual offensive difficulties, the Gators go into this one as super-strong favorites. Florida’s running offense is good. Georgia has no running defense to speak of (see Kentucky putting up over 200 yards rushing for details). Georgia has a good quarterback in Aaron Murray – if the offensive line can keep him from getting killed. Georgia’s not that wonderful at stopping quick out-of-the-pocket quarterbacks – which is going to be a problem for the Dawgs as – you’ve guessed it – Florida’s Jeff Driskel is a good quarterback like that. In other words, the Cocktails are going to be fun, but we fear the game might be more than a little one-sided. Oh, and do you think the Florida fans will shout “Soft! Soft! Soft!” at Georgia’s D when they start giving up big plays? We say ‘yes’. If they speak by then…

BOTTOM LINE: Gators bite, don’t they? Florida by 10

THE ‘RAMMER JAMMER COWBELL HAMMER” PARTY – Mississippi State vs Alabama

Mississippi State is No.11 in the BCS despite playing absolutely nobody this season. That’s not to say that Dan Mullen hasn’t got a tidy outfit. Tyler Russell’s not made a lot of mistakes, his secondary’s looking fantastic and helping his team causing turnovers left, right and centre, and the sound of cowbell’s rung loudly week in, week out as the Bulldogs have put up a 7-0 record and currently are first in the SEC West. This week, though, is a whole other ballgame. Alabama is also 7-0. They are coached by the Best Damned Coach In The Land in Nick Saban, they are No.1 and they are a machine.

BOTTOM LINE: The unbeaten road ends here, Bulldogs. Alabama by 28.

THE ‘IS JON GRUDEN COMING TO KNOXVILLE?” PARTY – Tennessee vs South Carolina

It seems that TV analysts get all the fun. They get fired, they get hired by ESPN to be a talking head, and they get re-hired (Speaking of which, when’s someone going to take Dan Hawkins off ESPN’s hands?) Well, Jon Gruden’s doing a pretty solid job on Monday Night Football, but all the news this week was that he was coming into Knoxville to take the Tennessee job, with Dooley out even before the South Carolina game. Yep, they are that hysterical in Knoxville, folks. Tennessee fans don’t take losing very well, particularly the big rivals like Georgia, Florida and Alabama. And while the Vols really weren’t bad (for the first half) against Alabama, Tyler Bray threw interceptions and made other bad decisions, and Alabama smashed them in the mouth. Anyway this week Dooley has one last shot at redemption: South Carolina. This South Carolina team will play Tennessee on the back of two humiliating losses on the road (they may have lost to LSU by two points, but they were outplayed, and they were destroyed at Florida after constantly giving the Gators short position). The problem for Tennessee? The game’s at Williams-Brice, and the Gamecocks will be cookin’ up a sandstorm.

BOTTOM LINE: Joooooooon!!!! Where are you?? Gamecocks win by 21

THE “[SEC] BASEMENT PARTY” – Kentucky vs Missouri

This has been no party for either side, but the odds are that one’s going to be in his job after the season is over (Gary Pinkel) and one won’t be (Joker Phillips). Missouri have been horrible in their first season in the SEC, while Kentucky has just been plain horrible. Both are completely hamstrung by injuries, although Kentucky seem to have found some sort of a groove against Georgia, which meant that they were unlucky to lose at home to the Bulldogs. This game’s going to be horrible to watch.

BOTTOM LINE: Missouri by 6 in a game that if you don’t have to watch, you’ll be lucky.

THE “COMIN’ RIGHT” PARTY – Ole Miss vs Arkansas

For us, both sides are comin’ right at just the right time. Ole Miss has been playing pretty well all year (well, it’s offense has, anyway), and they have a SEC win for the year, which is better than the last two’s experience. Hugh Freeze has his team ticking well, but heck, look out for Arkansas. John L.Smith’s suddenly lit a fire under the Hogs, who have won two straight and will be gunning for a third – particularly if future NFLer Tyler Wilson and wide receiver Cobi Hamilton are on form. We worry for Ole Miss’ defense in this one. We also sorry for Arkansas’ defense in this one.

BOTTOM LINE: This is going to be ugly, but Big XII ugly (ie high-scoring with not a whole lot of ‘D’). Arkansas wins by 14. 

THE “JOHNNY FOOTBALL” PARTY – Texas A&M vs Auburn

A&M should have beaten LSU on Saturday. There’s no escaping that. Johnny Manziel and his offense killed themselves by committing five turnovers in their loss to LSU, but this kid’s definitely a talent. Auburn – who are the lowest of low when it comes to confidence at the moment – aren’t going to enjoy playing him or the Aggies offence – especially as their defence is pretty dreadful, too.

BOTTOM LINE: The agony continues for Auburn: A&M by 10

THE “BACK TO THE TAILGATE BY HALF-TIME” PARTY – U-Mass vs Vanderbilt

We’ve called this game The ‘Back To The Tailgate By Half-Time’ Party, because everyone will be back to the tailgate by half-time after Vandy puts up 21 and the game is effectively over.

BOTTOM LINE: Vanderbilt by 35. In a game that will, by the way, be over by half-time. If we haven’t mentioned it before.

 

 

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