We admit it. We followed the bandwagon and predicted that Florida would beat Georgia at the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.

After all, Florida was bringing back two of its biggest defensive guns in Zuniga and Grennard. Georgia had been uninventive. Todd Grantham was incredible. Dan Mullen was on the rise, while Kirby was going to the other way. Hell, a former Florida cheerleader yelled at me for having the nerve to tell her that I thought Georgia had a chance. “We’re going to Atlanta!”, she said. And then stomped off when I suggested that Aaron Hernandez was perhaps not The Swamp’s greatest alum.

So with her in mind I laughed my butt off when my prediction went wrong and Georgia came through with the seven-point victory. Grennard himself admitted that he sucked. Georgia actually mixed the pass and run nicely for a change – and returned kicks. Todd Grantham couldn’t work out how to stop the Bulldogs converting on 3rd down, and Kirby Smart looked a far better coach than Dan Mullen.

So if I ever bump into that Florida cheerleader’s again, my first word will be ‘peace’, to save the chance of me producing children.

In other tales, Mississippi State hammered Arkansas, Auburn’s defense once again won a game for Gus Malzahn, Vanderbilt returned to normal at South Carolina, and Tennessee kept the momentum up by hammering UAB.

So here are the rankings:

1. LSU (8-0): The Tigers were idle, and outdrank Bye Week 140,000 – 10.
2. Alabama (8-0): ‘WE DISRESPECTED BYE WEEK, BUT WE GOT THROUGH IT. WE’VE GOT TO FOCUS!” – Nick Saban. Probably.
3. Georgia (7-1): The SEC East is theirs now. And there’s still the chance of a College Football Play-Off. A win against Auburn will certainly help the resume.
4. Florida (7-2): They aren’t going to Atlanta. Or the College Football Play-Off. But they could win out and finish in a New Year’s Six Bowl.
5. Auburn (7-2): The fanbase hates Gus Malzahn for the inept offense and they are right. They weren’t bad at putting yards up against Ole Miss (507), but won barely. The fact that Bo Nix went 30-44 and the TV guys were saying that it was his best-ever performance in an Auburn shirt was certainly dampening with faint praise. The defense is unreal, though. I feel sorry for Kevin Steele, who must say to his defensive unit: “Sorry guys, but you’re going back out there in a few plays time. Time to rescue the team again.”
6. Texas A&M (6-3): The Aggies were horrible in the first half against UTSA, but got going. Still, the first half was utterly painful. But remember folks: THIS IS THE BEST THREE-LOSS TEAM IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL (maybe). Oh, and A&M is bowl-eligible now, which means that they have gotten bowl eligibility before ‘them people from Austin’.
7. Kentucky (4-4): Got wasted on bourbon with Bye Week and talked some basketball.
8. Tennessee (4-5): Tennessee’s got momentum. After reeling off their third straight victory, there’s a real chance the Vols could get bowl-eligible – and win their next three games (Kentucky, Missouri, Vanderbilt).
9. South Carolina (4-5): The Gamecocks beat Vanderbilt and the fans are a little happier now in Gamecock country. Still, getting to bowl eligibility will mean winning two out of App State, Texas A&M and Clemson. That will be hard work for Muschamp’s team, who could end the season having beaten Georgia but not appearing in January.
10. Missouri (5-3): It was a tight game against Bye Week that Barry Odom nearly lost, but scraped through with a tie. Need one win out of Arkansas, Florida, Tennessee and Georgia to get bowl-eligible, and it ain’t gonna be against Georgia or Florida. The question around Columbia about whether Barry Odom survives (again) might be if the team goes 2-2. Or even 3-1.
11. Ole Miss (3-6): Did a lot of bending but not breaking against Auburn, but just came short. Plumlee’s a fun quarterback to watch, yo. Won’t get to bowl eligibility, but will probably win two out of the next three (New Mexico State, LSU, Mississippi State). Will Matt Luke survive? Maybe.
12. Mississippi State (4-5): The Cowbellers put up SIX HUNDRED AND FORTY YARDS in a 54-24 thrashing of Bye Week (sorry, Arkansas). Kylin Hill ran for TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FOUR YARDS, which is sensational by anyone’s standards. If there’s a ship to right, that’s the way to do it.
13. Vanderbilt (2-6): The momentum has dropped away for the cleverest school in the SEC. Quite rightly, the fanbase should be back calling for Derek Mason’s head – particularly if they don’t win another SEC game (which is totally possible, bearing in mind they’ve got Florida, Kentucky and Tennessee).
14. Arkansas (2-7): If you’re not going to fire Chad Morris, Arkansas, then fire John Chavis. NOW. The Razorbacks managed to give up 640 yards to one of the more inept offenses in the SEC. And 47 points to that offense (they gave up a pick-six). The fans are taking some heart from the younger players, but it’s obvious no-one wants to play for the team right now, who need a win over Western Kentucky to avoid having the joint-worst record in school history….with 2018.

Even more annoying than Gary Danielson’s voice, the CBS break-f0r-advert music, and SEC’s non-understanding of the holding law on Saturday was trying to work out – some hours after the dust had settled – who in the hell was the best team in the SEC.

LSU’s offense had been stymied by Auburn, but still did enough to win (if Auburn had had any offense, this article might be different). Alabama destroyed Arkansas…….but it was Arkansas.

At the bottom, it’s easier. Arkansas is the bum of the division, and might well be one of the worst Power-5 teams in the country (CONFIDENT BET: They would beat Rutgers).

I also went 4-1 straight-up this week, only missing out on Missouri’s abysmal performance against Kentucky.

Anyway, so here we go.

1. LSU (8-0): The Tigers struggled, held, bashed, and got it done against Auburn. LSU wasn’t brilliant, but they weren’t terrible. The offensive line gave Joe Burrow enough time to throw for 32 completions in 42 attempts, and for 376 yards, 1 TD and 1 INT.
2. Alabama (8-0): No Tua, no problem. The Tide whacked a horrible Arkansas team. The lightshow beforehand spurred Nick Saban’s passionate comments beforehand, although there was some annoyance that the lightshow was still going when Arkansas was trying to get a snap put together.
3. Florida (6-1): The Gators chomped through bye-week. If they can keep Jonathan Grennard and Jabari Zuniga healthy for the Cocktail Party, Dan Mullen might have a Bulldog as a scalp.
4. Georgia (6-1): The Bulldogs will hopefully have spent bye week working out a better scheme than three yards and a cloud of dust. It might work for a bit against Kentucky, but it ain’t gonna work against Florida.
5. Auburn (5-2): If only the Tigers had an offensive plan. If only. If Gus Malzahn gets fired, it will be because of his offensive plan. We also know this: Bo Nix is a freshman quarterback, and is now playing like one.
6. Texas A&M (5-3): All gamblers who took Texas A&M -10 over Mississippi State should be thanking the bookmakers for making it the easiest bet of the day.
7. Kentucky (4-4): Lynn Bowden, the converted WR-now-QB, caused Missouri a ton of problems in the Wildcats’ runaway victory in the rainstorm on Saturday. The Wildcats are a good side, and we underestimated them.
8. Tennessee (3-5): Tennessee has won two out of the last three SEC games, and dropped 41 on South Carolina in the process. The cylinders at Neyland are beginning to fire, and there’s a smile on Pruitt’s face.
9. Missouri (5-3): The Tigers’ hangover after the loss to Vanderbilt was evident, and the team is falling fast after their second straight incompetent loss. The fire under Barry Odom’s ass is warming up, too.
10. South Carolina (3-5): South Carolina WR Bryan Edwards made an unwordly catch against Tennesee, but where was the defense? After giving up 41 points, we’d say non-existent.
11. Ole Miss (3-5): Win over Bye Week. We are still unsure about Matt Luke.
12. Vanderbilt (2-5): Vandy has some momentum here. And the fact that it can’t be in worse shape than the two teams below it.
13. Mississippi State (3-5): The Bulldogs are an utter trainwreck. They didn’t put up a lot of fight against Texas A&M, and lost their fourth straight. The knives are sharpening for Joe Moorhead – despite the fact that a lot of people forget that three of his defensive players went pro last year. The offense isn’t particularly mobile, and it can’t rely simply on Kylin Hill – who actually had his best day of the season against A&M.
14. Arkansas (2-6): Chad Morris has called the Hogs in his press conference, telling the media that the Razorbacks ‘were going to win’ against Mississippi State. Right now, it’s Arkansas’ best bet to bring home, er, any sort of bacon with their 89th-ranked defense and 98th-ranked offense.

It’s Week 9 of the college football. Sadly. We don’t have a lot of this beautiful season left, but let’s enjoy this year, shall we? After all, there’s still some games to go to.

This week’s the one that a lot of people look forward to: LSU and Auburn. It’s not necessarily for the rivalry itself (both teams hate Alabama with vehemence), but for the fact that for some reason there seems to be weird things happening every time the teams play. It’s been a game where we’ve seen incredible ineptitude at field goals (Auburn’s John Vaughn – five of them – in 2005), that saw the firing of a once-beloved coach (Les Miles, 2016), cigar smoking (Auburn players in 1999), death threats (LSU’s QB Jamie Howard got a lot of them after throwing 5 fourth-quarter INTs in 1996) last second jaw-dropping catches (LSU’s Demetrius Byrd, 2007), and games where both sides have shot themselves in the foot (Auburn 2017 and 2018). Oh, and literal burning of a barn (1996).

It’s weird, it’s wonderful, and it’s a game that’s always in the Top Five of games that this writer looks forward to in the SEC every year.

1. No.9 Auburn at No.2 LSU (-10 1/2): This year, there’s no question that LSU is rolling. Joe Burrow looks like a Heisman contender, and the team is undefeated. On the other hand, Auburn fans are weirdly miserable, despite the team being 6-1 , ranked ninth in the nation, and actually looking pretty good. The bookies have Auburn as 10 1/2 point underdogs, seemingly forgetting that the Tigers have the best defense in the country. This will be closer than most people think, although LSU pulls it out at the end. PREDICTION: Bet on this at your peril. LSU by 10 after a fourth quarter touchdown. Auburn fans restart the hot seat for Gus Malzahn.
2. Arkansas at No.1 Alabama (-31): Tua isn’t playing, which ups this game in the neutral viewer’s mind from ‘This is going to be a terrible game, so I’m not going to watch it’ to a ‘I wonder how they’ll do with Mac Jones, and I might watch two quarters of it until Alabama’s up 20 at half time’. This is what makes it interesting. Arkansas is so bad though, it’s not even getting funny anymore. PREDICTION: Alabama by 42, proving the point that Mac Jones is fine, and Alabama have got more weapons than the local gun range.
3. South Carolina (-4 1/2) vs Tennessee: South Carolina didn’t get the calls to pull off the upset against Florida, but they hardly helped themselves in the rain either, giving up four leads, and Ryan Hilinski going 17-for-35. Now, they are favored when they walk into what should be an obnoxiously loud Neyland Stadium, where where we’re expecting more orange than grey in the seats, now that Big Orange is feeling hopeful again. The thoughts about Jeremy Pruitt’s tangle with his quarterback seems to be quietened after a glut of good recruiting news and keeping it close against Alabama. This might be funner than most think. PREDICTION: Tennessee wins by 7.
4. Missouri (-10) at Kentucky: Two years ago this game featured brainless plays from Missouri, as well as controversial call by the referees not to stop play during the Tigers’ final drive. It still sticks in the craw of Missouri fans. This year, there’s anotehr thing that sticks in their craw: The sheer capacity for the team to blow their feet off with awful losses. At the start of the year it was Wyoming, and then the inexcusable one against Vanderbilt last week. Kelly Bryant is meant to be a runner but doesn’t seem to want to, preferring the league to see him a touch pocket passer that he thinks is, but blatantly is not. In Kentucky, the weather is predicted to be TERRIBLE at Commonwealth Stadium. Last week Kentucky played in a game – in what seemed like monsoon conditions – and lost 21-0 to Georgia. PREDICTION: In a sloppy, ugly and weirdly fun game, Missouri wins by 7.
5. Mississippi State at Texas A&M (-10 1/2): A&M have been so darned unimpressive this year that they are less than two touchdown favorites against a team that’s falling at breakneck speed. Kellen Mond doesn’t seem to be liked by anybody, but as we’ve said repeatedly, if Jimbo Fisher allows OC Darrell Dickey to open up the playbook a bit and let him run, then people would have more confidence in him. As for Mississippi State, they don’t seem to believe in Joe Moorhead. This team lost THREE NFL first-rounders in Jeffrey Simmons, Montez Sweat and Johnathan Abram, so we weren’t going to expect a whole lot defensively from the Cowbellers, but the offense has been horrific. PREDICTION: A&M wins by 21.

LSU and Alabama once are battling it out for the best team in the SEC, and possibly in all of football.

The problems for the SEC is that they are both in the SEC West, which means that only one of them will go to Atlanta.

And at the moment, it’s hard to work out who’s better. So we went with schedule, rather than beauty. Because if it went with beauty, they would both be at No.1.

1. LSU (7-0): LSU’s offense looked human for a couple of stops against Mississippi State, and got its butt together and put up 36 in an easy victory. Joe Burrow is looking like a bona fide Heisman candidate, and the rush is also looking excellent.
2. Alabama (7-0): Alabama wasn’t very good against Tennessee, and Alabama knows it. Sure, Tua’s high ankle sprain may have hurt team confidence, but teams who have quarterbacks worse than Alabama’s backup, Mac Jones, have beaten them. The defense pulled out the stops to stop it being an embarrassment, but still.
3. Florida (6-1): The Gators may have had the benefit of the refs at stages during their hard-fought victory at rain-drenched South Carolina, but that doesn’t stop the fact that Dan Mullen’s team can beat Georgia in the Cocktail Party in a couple of weeks’ time.
4. Auburn (5-1): We thought that Auburn’s game against Arkansas would be closer than we thought. We were wrong. Auburn thrashed the putrid Razorbacks 51-0, thanks in no small part to Bo Nix’s three TD performance. We will see how they measure up in Death Valley, which could well be crazy.
5. Georgia (6-1): It was vomitously ugly for the most part against Kentucky, but the Bulldogs – after getting booed off the park in the first half, came through with a 21-0 victory. The rain didn’t help Jake Fromm & Co, but they had better be a lot better against Florida, or this will be their second ‘L’ of the season and put them out of Play-Off contention – something we thought would be impossible by early November.
6. Texas A&M (4-3): AND STILL…..THE BEST THREE-LOSS TEAM IN THE COUNTRY….
7. Missouri (5-2): Missouri was inept at Vanderbilt. Absolutely inept. Suddenly the locals are grumpy about the state of the program (again) and asking themselves if Barry Odom was the right choice. Weird, because last week they were cheering his name. Anyway, Derek Dooley didn’t get it right, but Missouri still should be the 3rd-best team in the SEC East.
8. South Carolina (3-4): The Gamecocks could have claimed their second straight upset of the day if they had had the rolls against Florida, but it wasn’t to be. USC aren’t great, but they are better than the record suggests.
9. Ole Miss (3-5): The Rebs aren’t great, but they sure put in a fight against A&M before succumbing.
10. Tennessee (2-5): UT is showing so much fight right now that the fans are starting to believe again. Will they win out? Probably not. But the fans should come back to Neyland again.
11. Kentucky (3-4): The offense showed it was inept against Georgia after getting shut-out in a biblical flood in Athens. We’re not confident going forward, either.
12. Mississippi State (3-4): The Cowbellers battled with LSU for large parts of the game, but in the end it was all about talent. And LSU had an abundance of it – and confidence. People should give Joe Moorehead more leeway after the defensive talent he lost to the NFL, though.
13. Vanderbilt (2-5): Derek Mason’s speech after the win against Missouri had all of of us fired up. The Commodores might get rid of him at the end of the season, and if that happens, he should get another job with the big boys pretty quickly as a one of the best defensive minds out there.
14. Arkansas (2-5): At what point are the big guns at the DW going to say: “This was a crappy idea of us to hire Chad Morris, we should boot his ass”. Because right now, the Razorbacks are awful and getting worse.

On paper, this is the hangover to last week’s drunken hijinks in the SEC. We saw a big party at LSU, with the booze flowing early doors, College Gameday excitement, and parachutes before the Tigers played the Florida Gators in a bruising evening game match-up. LSU won, and everyone it seems celebrated.

In Georgia, the hangovers were quite different, as hundreds of thousands of fans went from outlandish bark to tiny whine as their beloved team lost to the crowing Gamecocks of South Carolina, who left armed with some hedge branches and the biggest upset of the year so far.

On the other end of the spectrum, the smell of a steaming turd of a season festers in the nostrils of Vanderbilt fans, with those from Arkansas and Mississippi State not far behind.

Anyway, it’s Week 8 of the season. We’re going to be inspired, because, you know, it’s the SEC. So here’s our games in order of what’s going to be interesting.

1. No.9 Florida (-5) at South Carolina: With South Carolina’s victory at Georgia, suddenly Will Muschamp is loved. Dan Mullen’s loss at LSU was one of far more respectable than that of their hated rivals in red, and they seem to be in much better shape. Especially as they have a quarterback who’s not injured. We think that Tyler Hillinski’s going to be in worse shape than Will Muschamp’s letting on. Even if Florida’s without future NFLers Jonathan Greenard and Jabari Zuniga, they don’t have to really worry about a poorly Gamecock offense. PREDICTION: This will be tight until the fourth quarter, but Gators win out by 10.
2. Kentucky at No.10 Georgia (-25): Georgia’s going to come out of this one angry. Very angry. Jake Fromm will throw it less than the 51 times that he did against South Carolina, and Kentucky will be find it hard to stop D’Andre Swift, who’s been UGA’s best player this year. Mark Stoops isn’t going to comment on who will be the starter, but personally I’d give it to Lynn Bowden, who had a great game on Saturday, albeit against the off-color bacon that is Arkansas. He could challenge Georgia with his feet. PREDICTION: Georgia will be out to impress. And impress bad. Georgia by 31.
3. Texas A&M (-6) at Ole Miss: Our piece a few days ago said that is Ole Miss could find a QB who matched John Rhys Plumlee’s legs and Matt Corral’s arm, they would be golden. Texas A&M fans are fed up with being told that they are the best three-loss team in the nation, and are sick of the excuses that stem from the fact that they are an extremely ordinary side, which has finally been booted out of the Top 25 and now stands below Texas, Baylor and SMU in the Texan Pride Polls (which mean absolutely nothing but will be sure to irritate the Yellers). Fisher seems to be unsure of what to do with Kellen Mond, and the Aggies can’t produce on the ground. Crazily, this could be the game of the week. PREDICTION: Ole Miss with the upset, winning by 3. 
4. No.2 LSU (-18) at Mississippi State: While Joe Brady is college football’s flavor of the month for all his offensive work with the Tigers, Joe Moorhead’s flavor is stagnating at a speedy rate, and the locals are getting grumpy. His quarterback experiments have been disastrous, and there is absolutely no confidence in the team….as seen by the 20-10 loss to Tennessee. CBS has got it as the 3.30pm game…..probably because they like watching car crashes as the eighteen-wheeler known as Coach O’s offense crumples the Cowbells, and the defense showing that it’s OK rather than terrible for one outing (at least). We can’t believe the spread’s only 18 points, frankly. PREDICTION: LSU by 28.
5. Missouri (-21) at Vanderbilt: It takes quite a lot to annoy Vanderbilt fans, but Derek Mason has managed to do just that. This team has looked terrible all season long, and it was capped by a disastrous home swing against UNLV, where the Running Rebels ran away with a double-digit victory that didn’t look close. We thought K’Shawn Vaughn would run all over UNLV. He actually had 140 yards and a TD, but that was all Vanderbilt’s offense could muster against one of the worst defenses in the country. We aren’t kidding. So now, Missouri comes to town, and the Tigers are on fire. Weirdly enough, they are winning the SEC East, and division victory is actually Kelly Bryant & Co’s hands. PREDICTION: Fire. Derek. Mason. Now. Missouri by 24.
6. No.11 Auburn (-19) at Arkansas: We actually saw some fight from the Razorbacks for the second straight game (they could and should have beaten Texas A&M), and if Auburn aren’t careful, this one’s going to be close. We think that the Bo Nix experiment has lost its gold tinge suddenly, and the loss of Boobee Whitlow is going to make the Tigers struggle. The defense is amazing, though. PREDICTION: Closer than you might think. Auburn by 10.
7. Tennessee at No.1 Alabama (-35): Like the sun, hope seems to spring eternally for the mad men of Neyland, and they were finally rewarded by a couple of trips to the Neyland Stadium en route to a cathartic victory over Mississippi State last week. The win snapped a SEC-losing streak, and now they play Alabama in an attempt to snap a 12-game losing streak against the Tide. Well, it’s not happening today. PREDICTION: Is the third Saturday in October anything but a date anymore? Alabama by 42. 

Today was a fun yet weird week for the SEC. The weird stuff happened at Sanford Stadium in Athens, Georgia, where the  No.3 Dawgs lost in double-overtime to a South Carolina side that was a 23-point underdog, but had also lost to Alabama, Missouri and, er, North Carolina.

In Baton Rouge, LSU beat Florida 42-28 in an awesome game in the Bayou, with the Bayou Bengals surviving mostly by superior firepower on a night that featured parachutists coming down from heaven, a raucous crowd, College Gameday, and a lack of Gary Danielson.

And on the other end of the spectrum, an awful UNLV team ran away from a terrible Vanderbilt side, Tennessee got its first SEC win of the season over freefalling Mississippi State and Kentucky beat Arkansas,

Elsewhere, Alabama cruised by Texas A&M, Missouri pretty comfortably beat Ole Miss in a comfortable one.

Anyway, so here are our SEC rankings:

1. LSU (6-0): Joe Burrow is quickly becoming involved in the Heisman conversation. They beat Florida on Saturday night in a shoot-out. We know that their defense isn’t great, but their offense just keeps on coming. It should be interesting to see if passing game coordinator/wide receivers coach Joe Brady is around next year. Because of his miracles with the LSU offense this year, we suspect he’ll either get his first head coaching job or he’ll get an offensive coordinator’s job at a bigger school. He won’t be short of offers.
2. Alabama (6-0): The Alabama wide receivers are so damned quick. Tua is so damned good. Najee Harris is an unstoppabe running back. The Tide on the offense are awesome. Can LSU stop them? We will see. But right now, they are second on strength of schedule alone.
3. Florida (6-1): We said that this was a very good Gators side when they beat Auburn, and nothing has changed here. But defensive injuries meant that the Gators struggled late. Still, Dan Mullen’s team could well see Alabama or LSU in Atlanta again at the SEC Championship Game. They are that good.
4. Auburn (5-1): Idle, and watching carnage around it actually helped the Tigers. And got them healthier.
5. Missouri (5-1): Kelly Bryant has got this offense buzzing, but Cale Garrett’s injury at linebacker could take the Tigers back a few notches when they face the big boys in Florida and Georgia.
6. South Carolina (3-3): The merry-go-round that is the SEC East (Missouri beats Georgia who beats South Carolina) doesn’t mean South Carolina’s a better side than Georgia, but it happened.
7. Georgia (5-1): “I always thought they were overrated anyway” said a friend of mine – a student at Georgia – after witnessing the horror show on Saturday afternoon. For me, this has blown Georgia’s chances of getting into the play-off. Because even if the Bulldogs DO get to the SEC Championship Game, the Committee will ask the question: “Yeah, but who did they lose to?” The Bulldogs will go up the rankings again soon, but right now, they are a middle-of-the-road SEC side.
8. Texas A&M (3-3): Texas A&M lost to all the teams we thought they’d lose to, and struggled with Arkansas. This Aggies team aren’t that great.
9. Ole Miss (3-4): If Ole Miss could gel two quarterbacks into one (Corral’s arm and Plumlee’s legs), they would be golden. But right now, Ole Miss is mediocre.
10. Kentucky (3-3): We don’t know what to think of the Wildcats, but they beat Arkansas after sliding a little. They aren’t great, but they have taken a massive step back from last year. Their new QB Lynn Bowden is pretty useful, though.
11. Tennessee (2-4): The Volunteers’ victory breathed hope into the country’s laughing stock, and there is once again hope around Neyland. Who would it have happened after they went toe-to-toe for one half with Georgia.
12. Arkansas (2-4): The Razorbacks are playing with a bit of fire suddenly. Sure, the defense struggled against a Kentucky freshman QB today, giving up a 13-0 lead before losing 24-20. Right now, November 11th looms large…a match-up with Mississippi State that they should be favored in.
13. Mississippi State (2-4): We know that they beat Kentucky a couple of weeks ago, but this program is in such freefall that if you put these two together again, we’d be betting Kentucky all the way.
14. Vanderbilt (1-5): If Vanderbilt’s AD was a least bit clever, they should fire Derek Mason now and get a jump on a search for a head coach. He’s a great guy, but there’s nothing else to say. He’s got to go.

It’s Week 7 in the SEC, and things are suddenly getting interesting.

On Saturday night we’ve got the battle of the unbeatens as Florida travels to LSU. College Gameday will be there. It’s a night game in Death Valley, and thank God, Gary Danielson will not be there. Earlier, Alabama will go to Kyle Field to play Texas A&M on the CBS 3.30 game, and Georgia hosts South Carolina to start the day. Otherwise, it’s Mississippi State going to Tennessee (12pm), the battle of the NCAA-sanctioned as Ole Miss travels to Missouri, and a game that no-one should subject anyone to watch as Arkansas travels to Kentucky. Oh, and UNLV travels to Vanderbilt.

To say the least, it’s cardiac Saturday in the SEC. On both ends of the spectrum.

Anyway, once again we’re going with the order of interesting. And good. But mostly interesting.

1. No.7 Florida at No.5 LSU (-13.5): Death Valley is going be LOUD. Give Cajuns 12 hours to consume grain alcohol, and it’s going to create quite the atmosphere. Throw in a rivalry game where both sides don’t like each other (they’ve played each other every year since 1971) in the least, and the fact that the last seven games have been decided by 8 points or less. Oh, and Florida fans are still mad at LSU’s band playing during Tom Petty’s ‘I won’t back down’. No doubt that the LSU fanbase will be asking Florida’s fanbase to do something bestial to Mike The Tiger which is both dangerous and weird. There’s also the fact that both teams are unbeaten, with Florida’s defense actually playing better than LSU’s, but LSU’s offense is apparently the 5th wonder of the world (according to the press), with everyone getting orgasmic over Joe Burrow. LSU will be spreading Florida out all day, but Florida have great defensive playmakers to combat LSU. We can’t believe the spread’s as high as 13-1/2 in the favour of LSU. Prediction: LSU squeaks by 6 in a classic. 
2. No.2 Alabama (-17) at No.24 Texas A&M: No. 3 on Texas A&M’s horror show of a schedule will be at Kyle Field, as Nick Saban trots into town to face off against Jimbo Fisher, who’s having a distinctly ordinary year. The chaps at Solid Verbal pointed out that Alabama’s rush defense isn’t special, but then again, nor’s Texas A&M’s rush attack. The secondary will find Kellen Mond easy to deal with. This could get ugly early — and we’re not just talking about the poor audience who have to listen to Gary Danielson. Prediction: Alabama by 31.
3. Mississippi State (-7) at Tennessee: If you like pure, unbridled trainwreckery on both sides of the ball (if you like good offense watch Texas vs Oklahoma or if you like a good slaughter watch Georgia vs South Carolina), then THIS IS THE GAME FOR YOU. I can’t think of where both teams have been good this year, but that’s what might make it interesting. For a half against Georgia, Tennessee believed in itself when QB Brian Maurer came out. He’ll face a somewhat easier defense in Mississippi State, who are struggling with so much loss on the defensive side of the ball, and aren’t great offensively either. This could be fun mayhem. Prediction: Oh screw it. Tennessee by 3. Maybe 13-10.
4. Ole Miss vs Missouri (-12): There’s a lighter air in Columbia right now, as the NCAA have told Missouri that the result of their appeal against sanctions will come to light in the next two weeks. Since their awful showing against Wyoming, Missouri has done exactly what’s been required of them. Eyes will be on Kelly Bryant and whether he’s going to be massively affected by his knee brace, but LB Cale Garrett is done for the season after getting injured against Nevada. Ole Miss showed some teeth against Alabama in the first and final quarters of that game, but we honestly don’t know what to think about the Rebels. Prediction: Missouri wins by 10.
5. South Carolina at No.3 Georgia (-23 1/2): This is going to be easy going for the Bulldogs against a very, very ordinary South Carolina team. Even if they aren’t having the best of it in the first half, Georgia can adjust so well that they can blow sides away. This will be one of the sides they blow away. Prediction: Georgia by 31
6. Arkansas vs Kentucky (-6 1/2): This is going to be one of the most odious games of the season. Prediction: Arkansas by 7 in an utter trainwreck of a game.
7. UNLV vs Vanderbilt (-15): Here’s why this is more interesting that Arkansas vs Kentucky. UNLV is 1-4 and hasn’t scored more than 23 all season, and the LOWEST the defense has given up is 30. On Vanderbilt’s side, they are 1-4 and their only victory has been against Northern Illinois. The reason why we like it is simple gambling. UNLV gives up 5.28 rush yards per game, and Vanderbilt’s not exactly awful. So here’s our prediction: Ke’Shawn Vaughn puts up 150, and Vanderbilt wins by 21. 

OTHER GAMES PREDICTIONS:

Oklahoma by 18 over Texas

Notre Dame by 21 over USC.

Right, so we’ve been plunged into the deep end by Week 6 of the college football season.

In the AP’s rankings, Alabama is No.1, followed by Clemson, Georgia, Ohio State, LSU and Oklahoma. Florida, Wisconsin, Notre Dame and Penn State fill out your Top 10. Auburn (12th) and Texas A&M (24th) are the other SEC teams on the list.

So here are our power rankings for the SEC. This is less about ‘how they look’ and more about ‘who they’ve beaten’.

1. Florida (6-0): Beat Auburn in a monstrously noisy atmosphere in The Swamp. It was like being back in Spurrier’s time again. Yeah, it wasn’t pretty (they turned the ball over 4 times), but the Gators’ defense is amazing. The LSU game in Baton Rouge – with College Gameday there – will be fascinating.
2. Georgia (5-0): The Bulldogs weren’t great against Tennessee in the first half, but then they steamrolled the Volunteers.
3. LSU (5-0): Cruised against Utah State and the defense turned up for the first time this season. Joe Burrow continues to fascinate. Their win against Texas puts them above Alabama, but Georgia’s win over Notre Dame looks better.
4. Alabama (5-o): Alabama being idle vaulted them above Auburn for one reason: The Crimson Tide would have done a lot better after grabbing FOUR turnovers against Florida than Auburn did.
5. Auburn (5-1): Bo Nix isn’t brilliant. Auburn’s defense is. Auburn actually needs to beat one of LSU, Georgia or Alabama to ensure Gus Malzahn’s in a job come next season. After an inept offensive performance in The Swamp, the daggers are already unsheathed again.
6. Missouri (4-1): The Tigers dispatched Troy, but the defense – after the dreadful Wyoming loss – actually looks great, and the offense looks better with Kelly Bryant. We’ll see if Bryant’s knee is better this week, and LB Cale Garrett’s pectoral injury will hurt, but the Tigers are still deep at linebacker.
7. Texas A&M (3-2): The Aggies’ two losses have been to Clemson and Auburn and they’ve looked poor. And they looked low on confidence against Arkansas. The Aggie tribe are getting restless. But they have to calm down: They’ve got one of nastiest schedules in the country. And they aren’t terrible.
8. Ole Miss (3-3): The offense is fun, and the defense isn’t completely horrible.
9. Mississippi State (3-2): Garrett Schrader or Tommy Stevens aren’t looking great options for Joe Moorhead. I’m not loving either one. This could well be the second-worst team in the SEC West.
10. South Carolina (2-3): I’m not wildly convinced about the Gamecocks, but they’ve suffered from the season-ending injury to Jake Bentley. Their 24-7 win over Kentucky showed that they are a middling SEC team who’s probably going to a bad, boring New Year’s Day Florida Bowl.
11. Arkansas (2-3): We know that the ‘Backs haven’t gotten a win in the SEC in 13 games, but the performance against Texas A&M could be a real boost for the program. They go on the road to Kentucky on Saturday, where it will be a true trainscrash of SEC mediocrity.
12. Tennessee (1-4): The Volunteers blew two games against Georgia State and BYU that would have made things seem a little nicer for Jeremy Pruitt. The first half against Georgia was actually pretty good, but then Georgia made the adjustments and laid waste to the Vols. On the bright side, true freshman QB Brian Maurer gave the offense a bit of oomph. There is some hope for the Vols (they still have to play Kentucky and Vanderbilt) to get a win or two in the SEC East.
13. Kentucky (2-3): The offense is awful (41 points in-conference this year), and the defense is worse. And still, they should have beaten Florida. The marginal Gators loss is suddenly looking their best SEC result so far after bludgeonings by Mississippi State and a not-very-good South Carolina side.
14. Vanderbilt (1-4): Fire. Derek. Mason. Now.

Sorry for the radio silence.

We weren’t renaming ourselves.

Or firing people – because there’s one of us, and that’s me.

It’s because I requested a transfer.

Put myself in the transfer portal.

And the wife and I have moved to the hot cooker of football – Texas.

We’re in Houston, where the oil money flows like the water in the Bayou and the mosquitos are manic.

It’s great because I can watch SEC games in the same time-zone, not sit there watching until 5am every morning like I have one in the UK.

Our only problem has been the internet. AT&T sucks.

But thanks to the next-door neighbors, we’re back.

For half a season.

But half a season’s better than no season at all.

And let’s be honest: Apart from LSU’s trip to Texas, Auburn vs Florida and (maybe) Auburn vs Texas A&M, we haven’t had the big-time SEC games yet.

Of course there have been evolutions. LSU’s suddenly playing a spread offense. Gus Malzahn’s job security actually looked OK for a week, while Derek Mason looks like he’s got one foot out of the door. And people are starting to talk about ‘that’ Missouri’s defense.

The same things remain. Alabama and Georgia remain the teams to beat. Nick Saban is still yelling at the press. Players are still getting booted off teams. No-one likes the NCAA.

So we’re back, SEC. And we’re happy.

It’s nighttime in Death Valley. The War Eagle Flies. We’re running through the T. We’re chomping. We’re asking how ‘bout them Dawgs. We’re clanging, pig sooein’, rammer jammerin’, Ole miss by damn’. We’re a 12^th Man, the ZOU in MIZ, a Commodore, and a Wildcat. There’s even 2001 or maybe a Sandstorm.

Our churches aren’t small. They are megachurches, holding a screaming congregation that will bury you with noise. They’ve even been allowed some in-game communion wine to add to their palates during services now. It should make Saturday church a little louder. When they win with a God-given upset, they jump over railings, get stuck in hedges, surf goalposts through crowded streets and toilet paper trees. When they lose, they look like their world has been torn apart. The pretty sorority girls and young frats with their bow ties look miserable. The painted clowns look clownish and stunned. All of them use words to the heavens that they wouldn’t take with grandma to church.

But in our churches, it’s important to know our pastors. There are 14 of them. If they bring home The Ultimate Prize, then the size of the statue won’t do the achievement justice. Of course, the pastor must obey the main commandment of SEC football: Thou Shalt Not Lose. Particularly if it’s the cardinal sin of losing Eggs, third Saturdays, big games or Cocktail Parties – or losing too many SEC games. If they do, hotter seats than hell will appear and behinds will sit on them. Pastor Gus of Auburn has sought redemption a couple of time from being excommunicated. But this year’s another year. It doesn’t matter if you’re likeable. If you don’t help the congregation reach the higher plain, you’re out. Some elders will give a new pastor two or three years to work their magic, but after that, notice will be hammered on the door like Martin Luther did with his articles.

To make a pastor successful to his congregations, he must be able to bring in the moving parts from smaller, younger churches every season. Churches aren’t expected to fizzle out. We at the SEC don’t mind paying for talent, as long as we don’t get caught. Much. And after their success in college, they go to Big Church Sundays. We implore Mr Goodell, high elder of the professional league, to skip the preliminaries and just call your professional conference the SEC-FL? After all, our boosters probably pay more than some of your teams do. This year, Tua will again make the tongues waggle, although we’re also excited by Bryant, Swift, Fromm, Delphit, Jeudy, Mond, Williams, Stingley and a guy based in the Mid-West known only as ‘Albert O’. But there will be many more names by season-end. Because this is the SEC.

The pastors and the congregrations know who the biggest church in our movement are. At the moment, they are in Tuscaloosa and Athens. They are going to be pretty good in the Year of Our Lord 2019, we hear. They’ve got the West and East divisions running scared and their schedules measure up sweetly. It’s hard to see who is going to beat them. Hell, it’s hard to see who’s going to give them a good fight. We expect more drama at the SEC Championship Game. And no trick plays please, Kirby. The likes of LSU, Auburn and Florida will feel like ‘also-rans’, even if that’s not the case. There’s always room for the upset. See the last time Georgia rolled into Death Valley. Take a moment in thinking about the orders of service for 14 teams for the Pastor Jimbo’s congregation in College Station. It’s downright evil.

But there will be competition for the Ultimate Prize this year from other denominations. The congregation in Clemson in the Atlantic Denomination is pretty good. As are Sooners from Oklahoma in the Southwest. There are the people of ‘The’ and ‘Big Blue’ in icier Big 11, and we’re heard that there might even be a good team in the NorthWest who are known as Huskies or Ducks in the driven down out West. But against us, can they really hold their own? If there’s two teams that will compete with us for the Ultimate Prize, we’ll go for the ‘Eyes and the Tigers. The rest will falter and fall.