WE’RE IN WEEK 4? ALREADY?! In eight more weeks and a lot of bluster’s time, this regular season will be over. God, I’m depressed already. Anyway, let’s change that with memories of an awesome Week 3.

We saw some amazing sights. This included Leonard Fournette throwing off Auburn defenders with the ease of an elephant discarding a human (And by the Heisman hype he’s getting now, he might well be a god amongst men). We also balls bounce off Alabama special teams players, defenders, and wide receivers, and the bad bounces outnumbered the good ones. The Crimson Tide was upset in Tuscaloosa by Ole Miss in a game for the ages. And Arkansas? They lost at home to Texas Tech, and Kliff Kingsbury threw some shade at Bret Bielema.

We went 7-3 straight up in our predictions (we screwed up on ‘Bama, Auburn and Arkansas), and stank out the room on straight-up scores, so less to say about that the better.

Anyway, onto Week 4 with our SEC rankings:

  1. TENNESSEE AT FLORIDA

We’d like to rub this in for Tennessee fans: Y’all couldn’t beat Will Muschamp in 2014. This year’s Butch Jones team has been talked up a hell of a lot, but we’re very, very worried about the defense. They are dreadful. This year’s Florida team hasn’t been talked up a whole hell of lot, apart from the secondary…which has. Yes, the secondary which gave up 300 yards to ECU without Vernon Hargreaves. Well, with Hargreaves back they looked a lot sturdier against Kentucky – as did the defense – and they’ll come up against a high-octane offense in Tennessee and Joshua Dobbs, which rebounded from a heartbreaker against Oklahoma to beat Western Carolina with some ease. Oh, and they’ve lost CB Jalen Tabor, who got suspended for allegedly refusing a drug test. Here’s what Florida fan Cody Steeves has to say about THAT defense: “Tabor is a big loss, no doubt. I think Towles is a better downfield passer than Dobbs, but Dobbs and Hurd are gonna command a ton more respect on the run than anything UK had to offer. And we’re not gonna sack Dobbs 6 times. Quincy Wilson and the safeties wil really have to step up but I’d be much more worried if we took a big hit to our run defense in the UT game.” So there. And Florida’s offense is going to miss back-up QB Treon Harris, who’s also been suspended – allegedly for testing positive for drugs. Us? We just hope and pray 2014’s goddawful 10-9 game will not be repeated.

PREDICTION: Florida’s actually a 1-point underdog after the Tabor news. We’re taking Florida – for the 11th time – by 3.

2. MISSISSIPPI STATE AT AUBURN

We don’t normally say this in Week 4 of any sports season, but Auburn NEEDS to win this game. After they were destroyed by Leonard Fournette at LSU, they NEED to win this game to keep in the SEC West. Carl Lawson being out for the game ain’t gonna help the ‘D’ against MSU and Dak Prescott. On the other side of the ball, Gus Malzahn thought Jeremy Johnson was so horrible that’s he’s dropped him for The Human Tomato, Sean White (no, he’s not a snowboarder!!). White’s a pocket passer, who hopefully won’t make the stupid decisions that Johnson did….Auburn fans hope.

PREDICTION: Auburn’s a 2 point favorite. We’ll take them to win by a close 7. 

3. TEXAS A&M VS ARKANSAS (JERRYWORLD)

I hate this game being in JerryWorld, and always will….even if the game’s as exciting as it was in 2014. For 2015, Texas A&M’s a freight train, Arkansas is a freight train….wreck. Texas A&M’s high-octane offense is still putting up the points for fun, while Arkansas can’t score in the red-zone. Against Texas Tech, it was almost comical. Almost as comical is fans are being asked to pay $250 for the privilege of going to this slaughter on Stubhub.

PREDICTION: Texas A&M’s a 7-point favorite. And they’ll win by more. 

4. VANDERBILT AT OLE MISS

VANDY WON A GAME LAST WEEK! YOU READ IT RIGHT! VANDY WON A GAME LAST WEEK! This time they go to Oxford against an amped Rebels team that beat Alabama in Tuscaloosa, and who’s fanbase are going to ALL swear they were there, when the ticket availability would indicate otherwise. Anyway, we don’t see Vanderbilt doing much against Ole Miss’ defensive line….or much against Ole Miss’ offense, either.

PREDICTION: Ole Miss is favored by 24. We like Ole Miss by 28. 

4. MISSOURI AT KENTUCKY

Combined, both offenses scored 18 points on Saturday. EIGHTEEN (9 each, and Missouri won 9-6, and Kentucky 14-9). This game could be absolutely awful. Could? Or probably will be? We’ll go for the latter.

PREDICTION: Kentucky’s a 2.5 point favorite. We think they win by 3 in a putrid game. Maybe 3-0.

5. LSU AT SYRACUSE

We all know what Leonard Fournette did to Arkansas, so it’s going to be a foregone conclusion that he’ll put up 800 yards and 90 TDs against Syracuse, right? Well, first of all, we think Les Miles is going to “do a Matt Harvey” on Fournette, and not give him the carries. And with his back-ups – Derrius Guice and Darrel Williams – as well as a running Brandon Harris, Miles might not need to. You can also expect Harris to throw a lot more for Travin Dural and Malachi Dupre, who were both somewhat underused against Auburn. Syracuse gives up around 128 yards per game passing, but was pretty stout against the run, giving up 140 total. Mind you, the competition wasn’t that great, either.

PREDICTION: LSU’s a 24 point favorite. LSU wins by 18 in a game that they cruise, but somehow looks closer in the fourth quarter…mostly due to Les Miles. 

6. LOUISIANA-MONROE AT ALABAMA

Did you know that this series is tied at 1-1? Did you know that Alabama lost at home last week? Did  you know that Alabama fans are pissed at Lane Kiffin and want his head? Did you know that there were some amusing rumors running around Tuscaloosa about Lane Kiffin and what he did or didn’t do with a certain member of the Saban family? Did you know that people are calling the end of an era? Anyway, prepare for the critics to talk more about Ole Miss than they do about the game in front of them on Saturday. And prepare for the critics to get bigger if they play badly, too.

PREDICTION: Alabama’s a 38-point favorite. We think they’ll win by 41, with Derrick Henry scoring 3 touchdowns.

7. UCF AT SOUTH CAROLINA

South Carolina’s Lorenzo Nunez is going to be Steve Spurrier’s new quarterback project after not looking too awful against Georgia, and his running of a triple-option offense could be some fun to watch. The deal with Nunez should be to throw the ball to Pharoh Cooper – the only crowd-pleasing this of this Carolina thus far this season. Then South Carolina’s fans might not tear the roof off Williams-Brice. UCF’s started the season 0-3, by the way.

PREDICTION: South Carolina’s a 15-point favorite. We predict they win by 21 to take the pressure off Spurrier, a little.

8. SOUTHERN AT GEORGIA

STOP! THE BAND’S GOING TO BE ****ING AWESOME!! STAY FOR HALF-TIME!!! PLEASE!!! STAY FOR HALF-TIME!!!

PREDICTION: Georgia’s a 54.5 point favorite, with the over/under 74.5. We’ll take Georgia to win, but by 45. The Southern band will win half-time. Easily.

 

 

 

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