The SEC Media Days (July 13-16) don’t generally have a whole lot, yet they are still entertaining. Maybe it’s because Steve Spurrier is always guaranteed the good one-liner, maybe it’s because Nick Saban’s always whining about something that’s wrong with college football,  or maybe it’s because we’re all waiting for Les Miles to kiss one of his players on the mouth.

Here’s what we think each school’s going to get asked about…..and what they SHOULD get asked about….

ALABAMA

What they will ask Nick Saban: The evil schedule (The quotes that will get spouted will be: “We play in the toughest conference in the land”), the QB situation and who’s going to start (“We don’t, they are all good candidates”), how recruiting is going on (“We keep recruiting hard”), the threat from Ohio State (“Urban beat us pretty good last year. He’s a hell of a coach”), and the toughness of the SEC West (“Do you see any easy games in our division? I don’t), whether he’s pissed that Everett Gholson went to Florida State (“He’s a great player, but decided to go another way”), Derrick Henry (“He’s a great running back”) and his daughter’s wedding (“It was great!”).

What they should ask Nick Saban (but won’t): What Alabama’s been doing about domestic assault, and how could it be happening (Alabama’s had three players arrested for domestic assault charges); What he ACTUALLY thinks of the SEC’s rules about letting players from outside conferences transfer in when they’ve had disciplinary issues (see Golson, Everett); If he actually likes his daughter’s husband, who no doubt he’ll be funding or finding jobs for for the next decade or so; And how Alabama, with all its strong recruiting, had such an awful secondary last year and what steps he’s taking to improve this, because it sure as hell was a problem with the coaching.

AUBURN

What they will ask Gus Malzahn: Lots of long and boring Will Muschamp questions (“Great to see him back”), followed by more Muschamp questions (“Great to see him back”), and maybe some Muschamp questions about how his defense is holding up against Gus Malzhan’s offense (“It’s fine. The best he’ll face all year”); then a few about how Jeremy Johnson’s doing with the offensive plan (“He’s doing great”). Oh, and the SEC schedule (“Never an easy game in the SEC’). And maybe someone being overexcited and asking about Auburn vs Oregon (“It’s gonna be fun. Hopefully I’m there to see it!!”).

What they should ask Gus Malzahn (but won’t): How long Will Muschamp’s leash is if Auburn’s defense doesn’t radically improve from 2014’s; How the new SEC rule banning players with disciplinary problems transfer into SEC schools hurts Auburn; Whether the fact the Auburn basically gave up at the end of the Georgia game was the reason for the firing of former DC.

ARKANSAS

What they will ask Bret Bielema: About the running back duo of Alex Collins and Jonathan Williams (“They are two great running backs. Can’t wait to see ’em run up the middle again”); If the close losses in 2014 can be turned into wins (“If I didn’t believe it, I wouldn’t be here”); How special teams is shaping up this year (“We’re going to have a big improvement”), and how the defense is looking now Trey Flowers has gone (“We’re sure gonna miss him”).

What they should ask Bret Bielema (but won’t): What his language was like to former special teams co-ordinator Rory Segrest after special teams blew games against Texas A&M and Alabama and whether thoughts of killing him entered his head; Has he told her gorgeous wife, Jenn, never to tweet “karma” EVER AGAIN; Whether he actually LIKES calling the Hogs; And whether he’s worn the ‘Hog Hat’ while bedding Jenn?

LSU 

What they will ask Les Miles: About the Anthony Jennings situation (“It’s a legal matter, I can’t answer it.”); The LSU QB situation last year and why it was so bad (“We had two young quarterbacks, but we’re getting there”); The explosion of Odell Beckham Jr in the NFL (“We’re not surprised. He was catching kicks one-handed here”); The LSU defensive line and the departure of John Chavis (“Good luck to him. We’re moving forward); The improvement of Brandon Harris (“He’s going to be a great quarterback”): The SEC schedule (“We’re in the BEST CONFERENCE IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL.”)

What they should ask Les Miles (and might): Which player would he really like to kiss on the mouth if he beats Alabama; Whether he smokes as well as eats grass; The reasons behind some of unbelieveable decisions over the years – including the one in the loss against Alabama; Whether he considered Michigan before Jim Harbaugh got the job; And what in the hell’s going at LSU with all the fighting they’ve been getting into over the last few years. Whether he wanted to beat John Chavis to the ground after he left for Texas A&M….and then took the Tigers to court over money.

MISSISSIPPI STATE

What they will ask Dan Mullen: What it felt like to be flying so high at the top of the polls in November (“We always knew we had a difficult second half of the schedule”); The status of Dak Prescott after his Spring Break assault (“I hate that that would happen to a guy”); What he’s expecting from his side in 2015 (“We expect to win the SEC”), the SEC schedule (“It’s brutal. It’s the SEC”).

What they should ask Dan Mullen (but won’t): Whether his contract extension earlier this year to $4.275m a year was a product of a fantastic 2014, or was because he said: “I’m thinking about going somewhere else”); If the clanging bells give him a headache; How much he hates Ole Miss.

OLE MISS

What they will ask Hugh Freeze: About the situation with Laremy Tunsil (“It’s a NCAA and legal investigation, and we can’t talk about it right now”); About the recovery from injury of Tunsil and Laquon Treadwell (“They are in great shape. Fantastic to have them back”); Who’s going to be the starting QB: Ryan Buchanan or JUCO transfer Chad Kelly (“It’s a close race”); The SEC schedule (“This is a not a schedule from heaven, folks”) Maybe one about Michael Oher and the player’s difficulty adjusting to NFL Life (“He’s reached out to me. We talk.”)

What they should ask Hugh Freeze (but won’t): Whether he ever invoked blasphemy when talking to Bo Wallace about some of his decision-making; How come Robert Nkemdiche wasn’t suspended after he allegedly punched that frat boy last summer; Whether he asked Katy Perry back for a few beers with the Freezes after the Alabama win; How come a booster offered National Championship tickets to Laremy Tunsil, and whether he was a) super-confident or b) Knew Laremy just enjoyed football; And did he know about the Tunsil situation but is B.S.ing everybody>

TEXAS A&M

What they will ask Kevin Sumlin: About new DC John Chavis and the changes under him (“John’s a great coach and I’m psyched to see how he can make us a premier SEC defense”); Myles Garrett, Myles Garrett, Myles Garrett (“I’m glad I’ve still got two years of him playing for me! Guy’s a playmaker!”); Kyle Allen and his quarterbacking (“He’s a great young QB. I hope he continues to progress) and possibly some stuff about Johnny Manziel (“He’s had a tough start in the NFL. Some caused by him, some not. He’s realised he needed to mature and I’m proud of him for doing so. I still believe he’s a NFL quarterback.”)

What they should ask Kevin Sumlin (but won’t): Are you pissed that John Chavis has taken Texas A&M to court only days after bringing him to College Station (Because I know I would be!!)?; Did you celebrate with champagne when you fired Mark Snyder? Why did you do it so late?; Johnny Football – what an idiot, eh; Which SEC coach do you dislike the most and why?.

 

 

 

 

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