I miss my SEC Football. I miss my falls. I miss the summer. Everything’s going far too slowly.

Hands up if you can’t do another Saturday wedding. Or another Saturday visit to your parents or grandparents. Or another baseball game (and there’s no college baseball anymore). Hands up if you’re constantly checking the calendar and counting down to the first weekend of the college football season, and praying that God will bring it over at the speed of a Texas lightning storm.

Anyway, while you’re waiting, here’s 20 SEC-ish things to do during the dog days of summer….

1. Check up on recruiting

It’s something to get excited about. And if your team loses on a recruit, you can be pissed and generate yourself more rage going into the season. Or if your team beats a team to a recruit, you can be happy. Or pray that the player stays loyal. Which in Georgia’s case, is a rarity.

2. Check the police logs

School’s out for the summer, which means SEC players are bound to be doing something stupid. Leading the way are Alabama and LSU, but Georgia’s due. Because Georgia. Also, look for Clemson outside of the conference. Their kicker just Clemson’d himself. With cocaine.

3. Re-read the schedule

Re-read the schedule to try and work out which is going to be the 3.30pm CBS game. And which ones are going to be at night. And which ones are going to be at 12pm. And if you’re an Alabama fan, feel pissed because the game against Wisconsin – which could have been a great home-and-home which would have meant sun by the lake by Camp Randall next year (or this year) – has been stolen by the schools’ ADs, essentially making you pay more for less on your season ticket.

4. Look at your season ticket

And try and work out why in the hell you’re paying the school not only the season ticket price, but also the ‘seat donation’ price. Why? Because you don’t want to lose the tickets that you’ve had and have been in your family for years. And you don’t want to get screwed like Texas fans.

5. Try and work out tailgates

We know it’s September, but it’s never too early to think about grills, when to leave for your tailgate spot (or The Grove’s case, when to pay someone else to GET your tailgate spot), food, and when to start marinating that steak. And when’s a good time to start getting into those mixed drinks. Also, try and work out if you enjoying tailgating with that group from down the road, and see if you can avoid them. There has to be a way, right?

6. Watch SEC games on DVD

There have been so many great SEC games over the years. If  you love your SEC Football and love your college football, then why not start with Alabama and watch one great Alabama/Arkansas/Auburn/Florida/Georgia/Kentucky/LSU/Mississippi State/Ole Miss/ Missouri/ South Carolina/ Tennessee/ Texas A&M/ Vanderbilt game? And when that cycle finishes, watch another round of games. And another. And another. Re-configure for date or season order. Or National Championship Order. It’ll get the excitement going.

7. Sit on YouTube and watch player highlights

And hammer through highlight reels of your favourite players bulldozing/ tackling/ throwing the winning TD/ catching the winning INT, just to get the juices flowing. And boy, the videos will.

8. Sit on YouTube and watch stadium highlights

It’s pretty cool watching fan coverage of stadiums rocking. Alabama singing “Dixieland delight” is always good (although now banned). Tennessee’s “Rocky Top”. Texas A&M’s different battle hymns (and if you really want, “Midnight Yell”). South Carolina’s “In The Air Tonight”. Florida’s “Swamp Chomp”. Watch as our stadiums go checkerboard, go red, go black, go white. Watch as they clang, clap, whistle, growl.

9. Sit on YouTube and watch players and coaches your daddy told you about

The Bear. Larry Munson on Herschel Walker and burning up St Simon’s and Jekyll Island. Bo Jackson. Jo Namath. Peyton. Eli. Archie. Steve Spurrier’s Florida teams. Tim Couch. Arkansas hating Texas. Johnny Football or – when they weren’t in the SEC – the original Wreckin’ Crew. When Peerless was Peerless. Fletcher Cox. Julio. Ingram. Tebow. Jay Cutler. Billy Cannon. Keep on going. If you think there’s a hole in your knowledge for a SEC Football player who was good, there’s probably a hole in your knowledge.

10. Rank your mascots

Rank your mascots in terms of scariness. We’d put Mike The Tiger at the top, but that’s just us. And also remember to email the University of Florida asking for a live alligator.

11. Try and work out….

Who in the hell’s going to the QB at Georgia, Ole Miss, South Carolina, Tennessee, Vanderbilt and Florida. Hell, even Auburn’s up in the air. Then go to Vegas and see if you can get guaranteed odds on each of your choices being the starter on Game 1. And defensively, try and work out how your team’s defense is going to stop Leonard Fournette, Derrick Henry, Nick Chubb, Alex Collins, Jonathan Williams, or Gus Malzahn’s offense. If your team has either Fournette, Henry, Chubb, Collins, Williams or is Auburn, gloat a little.

12. Try and work out…

How in the hell your SEC team lost that game to [add SEC rival’s name here]. Stew on it.

13. Polish your bell

I’m talking about cowbells and Mississippi State. Duh.

14. Make dumb wagers with your buddy

Dumb wagers include:

A) Georgia not letting their fans down at least one game.

B) LSU’s QBs throwing for touchdowns than interceptions.

C) Kentucky winning the SEC. Same goes for Vanderbilt.

D) Arkansas’ special teams NOT doing something stupid, costing them a big game (see Texas A&M and Alabama ’14 for details)

E) Nick Saban remaining calm and controlled on the sideline. At his own players.

F) Steve Spurrier saying something nasty about ________ [add team here]

G) Will Muschamp remaining calm and controlled on the sideline. At the refs.

H) Les Miles going through a whole season and not doing something stupid

I) Missouri not having defenses than can tackle. Tennessee having wide receivers who can catch (welcome back, Marquez North!!)

J) Florida having a 180-degree turnaround in their offense. Give Jim McElwain time, folks. This team will probably scrape .500.

K) Auburn and Texas A&M actually having good, solid defenses. Ole Miss adding to theirs.

L) Wright Thompson writing about SEC Football. And then narrating it for College Gameday.

M) Gary Danielson not saying something ****ing stupid. Because he ALWAYS says something stupid.

15) Look forward to….

College Gameday coming to your city. The over/under on the amount of times they’ll come to a SEC school is six, since last year they came to SEC schools SEVEN times, including twice for Alabama. Bring signs. Bring Katy Perry. And have a good time. Especially as Chris Fowler’s going full-time in the commentary booth and Rece Davis is picking up the slack. He was pretty good as the basketball guy.

16) Book the away game

Make sure that this will be your year to go on the away game to a SEC school you’ve never visited before. If you’ve never visited Athens, Ga, then you’re doing yourself a disservice. Missouri and Texas A&M could be difficult day trips, unless you live near those places.

17) Listen to College Football-related podcasts

We love SB Nation’s “The Solid Verbal” and “Shutdown Fullcast”, as well as Fox Sports’ “The Audible”. They’ve kept us sane for the months.

18) Read the College Football Preview issues

Buy them next month. And read. And then read again. And again. And again. You’ll be an expert. We particularly liked ESPN’s College Football Preview issue, which has Oklahoma State in the play-off. Yes, Oklahoma State.

19) Go to the bar….

And order a bourbon. And a beer. (NOTE: THIS MIGHT BE THE RESULT OF NO.12) It’s calling ‘preparing for the season’. And find someone wearing a SEC-related hoodie or shirt to talk to about college football. We met a guy in San Diego wearing a LSU shirt a few weeks’ ago, and immediately struck up a conversation about LSU’s quarterbacks. Thankfully for him, Anthony Jennings has been arrested so that ends any QB controversy.

20) During and after the bar…..

Get into long and rambling debates on why this is your team’s year. And make the stupid bets outlined in No.14. Let’s hope that if you lose, you don’t have to ‘go naked’ somewhere public.

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