“If you ask the church then I am no believer
Spend Sundays asleep I’m just another dreamer
Still tryna find my home sweet home, oh I, oh I, oh I
And I guess I ain’t too good for money neither” — Rudimental (Feat. Emeil Sande)

If the church is the fans of Alabama, then a lot of people left the bandwagon after an inept victory at Arkansas. And Arkansas’ still dreaming of finding a win – and Fayetteville may have been noisy on Saturday night, but they couldn’t find the victory. Elsewhere, Mississippi State have their home sweet home after beating Auburn in One Of The Ugliest Games You’ll See This Year (Feat. Bad Fundamentals and Tons of Turnovers), and Georgia fans didn’t mind so much about the money that Todd Gurley may/may not have taken when Nick Chubb took the shoulders of the Bulldogs on his wide shoulders in a shut-out win over Missouri, for whom all the money that I may have spent on a bet with my buddy on Maty Mauk winning a Heisman looks a terrible one.

Anyway, now I’ve stopped with the lyric-SEC-show (I could go on for hours), here’s your SEC preview. No Mississippi State this week (they play Bye Week in a thriller), but there is still plenty of love to be found….

GEORGIA (5-1, 3-1) AT ARKANSAS (3-3, 0-3)

I’ve made a crapload of sarcastic comments about Arkansas in the past, but there is no way in hell that this team should having a losing record in the SEC, let alone be 0-3. They should 2-1, and be coming off magical victories against Texas A&M and Alabama…because they out-played both teams and came up with nothing. And funnily enough, they killed THEMSELVES in both games, especially on special teams. Georgia, on the other hand, is STILL waiting to find out about what’s going to happen with Todd Gurley. According to Mark Richt, it’s going to be known by Friday. So chill out and stop threatening to burn the whole of the NCAA down, Georgia fans. But Gurley aside, Georgia shocked the hell out of me by playing one of the most complete games from a Bulldogs team I’ve seen in SEC for an age. They went to Missouri and throttled them. Their pass rush was excellent, their secondary had four INTs, and the offense was nice and mixed, which is a change bearing in mind that usually Dawgs’ fans want to throttle Mike Bobo. Anyway, they walk into an Arkansas house where the fans are fed up of God ****ing them about. They should be worried.

PREDICTION: UGA’s a 3-1/2 point favorite in this one. We believe more in Arkansas that we do the ‘Dawgs. Sorry, Coach Richt. Razorbacks by 7. HAVE A DRINK EVERY TIME: They mention Todd Gurley. Then pass out at half-time.

TEXAS A&M (5-2, 2-2) AT ALABAMA (5-1, 2-1)

“How about THAT?” You remember this game two years’ ago, right? You remember? The game where Johnny Football had the jaws dropping as he escaped the clutches of Alabama defenders and passed for touchdowns and touched the fingers of The Almighty in the process (while making Alabama haters laugh their asses off in the process), and took A&M to a stunning victory at Alabama? Anyway, this game, featuring no Johnny Manziel and a Texas A&M side that’s been downtrodden in its last two games, and an Alabama side where the fans seem to HATE what’s happening up at Tuscaloosa after the loss to Ole Miss and the 14-13 win at Arkansas (“IT’S FREAKING ARKANSAS!!”, scream the critics – who probably haven’t seen how good Arky’s been this year), is live on your TV screens at 3.30. So we’ve got more Uncle Verne and Aunt Daniel, both with punchability. Speaking of punchability, expect more verbal punches in the face from Nick Saban in the direction of fans, coaches and players if Alabama doesn’t play well for the third straight week. And A&M? They could do with a defense, a good performance from QB Kenny Hill, and their wide receivers actually catching some balls on a pretty weak Alabama secondary. If Alabama plays badly, the CBS guys can always blame illicit substances, which, God forbid, we never did in college.

PREDICTION: Alabama’s a 13-point favorite. Alabama starts slow, but wins by 14 in the end in a game that’s actually pretty entertaining. EVERYBODY OWES YOU DRINKS IF: Verne & Gary mention ‘off-field distraction’ AND mention the tight end who got caught with a lot of weed in his dorm room. No points for just ‘off-field distraction’. 

TENNESSEE (3-3, 0-2) AT OLE MISS (6-0, 3-0)

Ole Miss’ ‘D’ were like foxes at a henhouse on Saturday – albeit a very loud one- eating Texas A&M’s offense alive in a tremendous performance at Kyle Field. It was meant to be close, but it wasn’t. It was the sort of performance that both sets of fans will look back and say: “Wow. That Ole Miss’ is pretty freakin’ good”. Bo Wallace wasn’t ‘Tortured Bo’, and Robert Ndkemiche absolutely smoked (SMOKE WEED?! GEDDIT?!) Texas A&M’s offensive line. Oh, and as for Tennessee? We played absolutely no attention to Tennessee’s powerhouse over Chat-Town, because that’s how it was meant to be…but we know one thing, the young offensive line better be worried about Ole Miss’ D-Line. If they don’t do a good job, Justin Worley’s going to be part of the after-game steak at The Grove.

PREDICTION: Ole Miss wins by 21 on that defense. HAVE A DRINK IF: Everyone drones on and on about the Alabama game, and adds in about The Grove and The Party That Saw The Goalposts Removed And Taken Around Town.

MISSOURI (4-2, 1-1) AT FLORIDA (3-2, 2-2) 

Positive Spin for the Gators: Florida had a hell of a tussle with LSU, and really should have beaten the Tigers. Negative spin: Jeff Driskel was the UF quarterback, and Les Miles and the voodoo gods he prays to were against them. Negative Spin for Missouri: They were shut out at home by Georgia, and looked awful. Positive spin for Missouri: It can’t get any worse, can it?

PREDICTION: This one’s going to be ugly. Florida’s a 6-1/2 point favorite in this one. We’ll take the Gators by 10, in a game that might end 10-0. HAVE A DRINK IF: If Jeff Driskel throws for a touchdown. 

KENTUCKY (5-1, 2-1) AT LSU (5-2, 1-2)

Who would have bet that at Week 8, Kentucky would have a better overall and SEC record than LSU? Anyone? Certainly not me. Anyway, Kentucky comes off a pretty easy win, while LSU won via an INSANE catch by Travin Dural. Brent Musberger sounded pretty happy to commentate on it. Gosh, I miss Brent Musberger. He’s so much better than Chris Fowler on Saturday nights. Anyway, his trip to Death Valley for UK vs LSU can only mean one thing: His career must be falling, and falling fast. The powers-that-be at ESPN didn’t think he was worth the biggest non-CBS SEC game of the week in Fayetteville or even the Ole Miss game. Anyway, we’re rabbiting on about Musberger because we’re not all that excited about Kentucky vs LSU. Actually, that’s not true. We’re pretty excited about seeing a UK side that gave Florida everything it could handle in The Swamp, and upset South Carolina. We’re excited to see how the offense will cope with a LSU side that’s suddenly found a bit of joy after their own Swamp-survival. This could be fun.

PREDICTION: LSU ‘s a 10-point favorite. We’re going with Kentucky in a stunning upset. Death Valley burns. HAVE A DRINK IF: Anthony Jennings doesn’t do something awful for 2 drives. If you had to drink every time he did something awful, you’d be in hospital and blaming us.

We’re not commenting on Furman (2-4, 1-2) ‘s visit to South Carolina (3-3, 2-2), although we know Spurrier will probably say something nice about ’em and then demolish them. HAVE A DRINK IF: Spurrier’s visor comes off in frustration.

 

 

 

 

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