So, we were talking to The Lord, and we decided that SEC fans needed to talk to Him to at least give their team a half-assed chance of victory in Week 6. Unless you’re Georgia fans, and then it’s a half-assed chance of not screwing it all up absymally.

So here we go.


Georgia fans: “Please Lord, don’t let Todd Gurley get injured. Please….please….please….don’t let Todd Gurley get injured. And for South Carolina to lose….

South Carolina: “Please can Steve Spurrier learn to add up to 21……And our team NOT get upset by FREAKING KENTUCKY. And Georgia and Missouri to lose.”

Missouri: “Please can Todd Gurley get injured, Steve Spurrier continue to have a sideline breakdown, and Georgia and Missouri both lose.”

Florida: “God, if we lose against the ****ers from Tennessee, I’ll never believe in Tim Tebow again.”

Tennessee: “God, PLEASE MAKE SURE WE HAVE A CHECKERBOARD STADIUM FOR SATURDAY. And we wouldn’t mind beating ‘dem Gators, too. And please let the world understand that THINGS DID NOT HAPPEN IN OUR FRATERNITIES

Vanderbilt “God, can the season end today, please?”

Kentucky: “God, thanks for the SEC victory. Can we have another one against Carolina?”


Ole Miss: “God, if you want, you’re welcome to have a Bloody Mary with us on The Grove. And help our quarterback to actually be good in that small game we’ve got going on”.

Alabama: “God, help the marriage of Nick and Lane. Bless them in Holy Matrimony. And if we lose against Ole Miss, please make sure Lane is left on The Grove, like he was at that airport last season by USC.”

Mississippi State: “God, help in three ways. First of all, help us sell all the tickets to the game on Saturday. We’re still a few short. Secondly, help lightning to strike twice and for us to knock off the Aggies. And while you’re there cure us of the tinnitus we’ve caused ourselves by ringing those cowbells 20,000 times a game.”

Texas A&M: “Thank you for Dave Brandon, Michigan’s AD.”

Arkansas: “Lord, what did we do so wrong to you that we lost in The Devil’s Stadium last week?”

LSU: “Lord, please show Les Miles the way with your servant Brandon Harris, the new saviour of LSU Football. And show us how to tackle. And please help us to focus on the game, because it’s late and we will have been drinking for 14 hours prior.”

Auburn: “Lord, we haven’t had a miracle at Jordan-Hare in at least a couple of quarters. We’re owed one. Enough said.”







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