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Anyway, our 1-14 of SEC Coaches on the Hot Seat. Hint: If you’re No.14, you’re probably not going to get fired. Other hint: Some of the reasons are just stupid.

1) Will Muschamp (Florida): The offense is useless. The defense is useless. The last two punches in the face will be hit up for 40 by a Florida legend (Steve Spurrier), and hit up for 60 by your hated rival (Florida State). You know, after losing in laughable fashion to Miami and Vanderbilt, and losing to Georgia 3 times in a row.

2) Dan Mullen (Mississippi State): The Bulldogs have gone downhill ever since mid-season 2012. The Bulldogs can’t beat a Top-10 team. Heck, they can hardly beat anybody. The fact that their two quarterbacks have been taking turns injured hasn’t helped Mullen, but the fanbase is beginning to want blood.

3) Les Miles (LSU): The LSU fans have never taken to Les Miles, and losing three straight to the most hated of their hated rivals isn’t making things a lot happier. Add to that a loss to Ole Miss (WITH NICK SABAN AT THE HELM, THAT NEVER HAPPENS!!), and the fact that the locker room seems to be permanently in jail, and you’ve got a pissed off LSU fanbase. You know, until they win another National Championship.

4) Mark Richt (Georgia): Forget the injuries, Georgia fans can’t stop looking past the Day 1 loss to Clemson. The fanbase blames Richt for his lack of hard-assness in not stomping Florida to death, and they probably blame him for Malcolm Mitchell getting hurt celebrating. And Keith Marshall’s injury at Neyland. And the fact that Georgia’s kicker loves drinking and boating.

5) Bret Bielema (Arkansas): The Razorbacks fanbase is really supportive of Bert (I mean Bret sorry), but the fact is this: Arkansas is horrible, horrible, horrible. Consider his seat warmed, folks.

6) Butch Jones (Tennessee): To celebrate the victory over South Carolina would also be to ignore the horror of Tennessee’s other losses, which have shown that the Vols are awful on D, and would probably be battling Kentucky for the 0-fer if it wasn’t for Marquez North. Having said that, Marquez North….HE GOOD.

7) Steve Spurrier (South Carolina): It’s all well and good being able to come out with the verbal barbs about Georgia and Clemson, but when the smart money think that they are going to sweep the Gamecocks, Steve Spurrier might get a glass of ‘shut up’. And the defense has been rotten this year, too. And Spurrier’s gotten involved with The Greatest Defensive Player In The History Of Mankind. And turned up pretty drunk to a TV show. And spent most of the season telling people how the ‘Cocks “aren’t a very good team”.

8) James Franklin (Vanderbilt): Jesus because Vanderbilt beat Georgia and Florida in a season,which is the first time that has happened since God was a boy (ie it’s never happened). But he might move to USC. He might move to Texas. He might move and be The Next Anthony Robbins. Nothing’s certain in SEC-land, after all.

9) Kevin Sumlin (Texas A&M): CAN YOU NOT HIRE A GODDAMN DEFENSE CO-ORDINATOR, KEVIN? (P.S. We love you really)

10) Gary Pinkel (Missouri): You WHAT? You lost a 17-point, fourth quarter lead to South Carolina? Fire Gary…immediately #sarcasm.

11) Mark Stoops (Kentucky): Because people aren’t expecting anything from Kentucky apart from a good horse race and a damned good basketball team.

12) Hugh Freeze (Ole Miss): Jesus loves Hugh yes I know, because The Bible tells me so.

13) Gus Malzahn (Auburn): Yes, everyone expected Auburn to be 9-1 going into the home clash with Georgia this year. And probably 10-1 going into The Iron Bowl. Yep, everyone. You know, apart from everyone.

14) Nick Saban (Alabama): THERE IS NO WAY HE GOT A CALL FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS. OR TALKED TO THEM. BECAUSE NICK SABAN IS LOYAL. HE’S SO DAMNED LOYAL. AND HE’S A GRANDDAD. AND HE WINS FOOTBALL GAMES. A LOT OF FOOTBALL GAMES. IT WOULDN’T BE PART OF THE PROJECT FOR WORLD DOMINATION IF HE LEAVES FOR TEXAS, ANYWAY. (DEATH STARE).

 

 

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