Fed up with Top 10s, we’re going even narrower with our Top five of EVERYTHING SEC (well, almost everything). So enjoy reading, and come back with your comments.

 

 

 

 

TOP FIVE PLAYERS IN THE SEC NOT NAMED JOHNNY OR JADEVEON

1. Todd Gurley/Keith Marshall (RBs, Georgia) – Gurshall!

2. Amari Cooper (WR, Alabama) – Best wide receiver in the SEC, and maybe college football

3. Michael Evans, WR Texas A&M – He’s pretty good, too.

4. AJ McCarron (QB, Alabama) – Has the keys to a Porsche, but all he does is win.

5. Aaron Murray (QB, Georgia) – Will be going to the NFL.

TOP FIVE FRESHMEN WITH UNREAL POTENTIAL

1. Robert Ndemkiche (Ole Miss) – Tremendous DE. People talking about him as the next Clowney.

2. Derrick Henry (Alabama) – Hasn’t played a second of college ball and already people talking about this running back as being a Heisman hopeful. So no pressure, then.

3. Marquez North (Tennessee) – They are already drooling over this freshman wide receiver in Knoxville.

4. Carl Lawson (Auburn) – Everyone loves his mouth, but also his ability. He’s going to be a great on the Plains (if he doesn’t get injured, suspended, thrown off the team etc)/

5.  Alex Collins (Arkansas) – Going to be used by Bret Bielema as one of the RBs to run the ball down an opponent’s throat. We’re excited.

TOP FIVE PLAYERS WE’RE LOOKING FOR BETTER FROM

1. Dorial Green-Beckham (Missouri) – Wide receiver was No.1 recruit in the nation and was talked about being the ‘real deal’. After getting suspended for one game for a drug misdemeanor, he had just 395 yards receiving and 5 TDs. We need more, people

2.Tyler Russell (Mississippi State) – I know he had a pretty good year, but Russell’s reputation puts him as possibly one of the best QBs in the SEC – but he didn’t really show it in 2012 – especially during the Kings of Cowbell’s latter-season slide. Might sound harsh, but we want more.

3. Byron Moore (Tennessee)  – Sure, the safety had 84 tackles and 5 INTS for a horrible Vols, but Tennessee will need EVEN MORE if they are going to get to a bowl game this year.

4. Aaron Murray (Georgia) – Sounds horrible to say, but we want to see more from Murray – especially from the ‘big time teams’. Against South Carolina, Murray went 11-31 for 109 yards. Florida? 150 yards. Heck, he even struggled against Auburn (208 yards) and Georgia Tech (215). We need to see a little more consistency, please.

5. Alvin Dupree (Kentucky) – No-one knows who are you? Fine. He’ll be a key to Kentucky’s defense next year as the school tries to rebuild under Mark Stoops. Warning: It’ll take a while.

TOP OFFENSES

1. Texas A&M – Johnny Football, Michael Evans, and a solid offensive line that WILL get better.

2. Georgia – Gurshall, Aaron Murray, and a WR that you might have never heard of, Michael Bennett.

3. Alabama – TJ Yeldon, Derrick Henry, Amari Cooper and a QB that never loses in AJ McCarron

4. South Carolina – Connor Shaw and Dylan Thompson are good QBs, peeps.

5. Ole Miss – Hugh Freeze’s boys will put up some points. Bo Wallace is a good QB, and there’s a lot of good young talent in coming through. Ole Miss just pips LSU for the country’s top offense.

TOP DEFENSES

1. Alabama – Talent all over, and coached by the best.

2. South Carolina – Jadeveon Clowney’s good. So’s Chaz Sutton, people.

3. Florida – Will Muschamp’s ‘D’ will still be filthy despite losing talent.

4. LSU – If you don’t think John Chavis is one of the best defensive co-ordinators in the country, you’re an idiot. If you think they don’t have any talent this year on defense, you’re equally stupid.

5. Ole Miss – Will come on strong this year with the two Ndemkiche kids playing together.

TOP FIVE TEAMS LOOKING FOR A TURNAROUND

1. Kentucky – Mark Stoops’ arrival has gotten hope in Lexington. If he gets UK to a bowl game he’ll be given the Freedom Of The State.

2. Tennessee – Butch Jones did miracles in Cincinnati. Could he do the same with the Vols. Vols fans think so – they are packing out practices!!

3. Missouri – If the miracle could be a good offensive line and James Franklin not getting killed, God would be in Tigers fans good books.

4. Arkansas – A bowl game for the Razorbacks? A tough order in a loaded SEC West, but Bret Bielema’s got the fanbase whirring again. Bobby Petrino created whirring of a different sort…

5. Auburn – Gus Malzahn’s back! The glory days are back! Kiehl Frazier isn’t the team’s QB anymore! War Eagle!

TOP FIVE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP CONTENDERS

1. Alabama  

2. Georgia

3. South Carolina (switch with Georgia after Week 2 if the Gamecocks beat the Dawgs in Sanford).

4. Texas A&M (switch with ‘Bama if Johnny & Co roll the tide on September 14th)

5. Florida (Because Will Muschamp’s defense loads up every day, and the schedule isn’t terrible)

TOP FIVE MOST UNDERRATED TEAMS

1. LSU – No-one seems to believe – with all the talent that’s left – that LSU is going to remain pretty damned strong. We do.

2. Auburn – Gus Malzahn’s an offensive miracle worker, and the D should be greatly improved.

3. Florida – No-one’ s been talking about Will Muschamp’s team in the off-season. Is this a good thing because they’ve stayed out of trouble?

4. Tennessee – Joke all you want, but Marquez North and the offensive line are seriously nasty in Knoxville.

5. Mississippi State – Ignore ‘The Cowbell’ all you want….Mississippi State’s going to be bowl-eligible this year.

TOP FIVE TEAMS THAT MIGHT END UP WINLESS IN SEC PLAY

1. Kentucky – Won’t be a surprise

2. Missouri – Won’t be much of a surprise

3. Tennessee – Will be a little disappointing

4. Arkansas – At least they have an excuse – they have a new coach and a terrible ‘D’.

5. Vanderbilt – Would be a huge step back

TOP FIVE COACHES IN THE SEC

1. Nick Saban

2. Steve Spurrier

3. Mark Richt

4. Les Miles (Beat Sumlin last year in College Station. Ergo, he’s above him)

5. Kevin Sumlin

TOP FIVE MIRACLE WORKERS IN THE SEC

1. Kevin Sumlin – Look what he did with the Aggies in 2013. That’s a miracle, folks!

2. Steve Spurrier – Brought Carolina out of the doldrums and turned them into a machine.

3. Dan Mullen – Mississippi State. Reignited a fanbase.

4. Hugh Freeze – Reignited Ole Miss’ fanbase, which hasn’t really been awake since Eli.

5. Mark Richt/Les Miles – The fanbases seem to dislike both coaches, yet both coaches keep winning games, recruiting great talent. Les Miles wins National Championships and beats the crap out of Notre Dame in bowl games. Shutting the boo-birds on those fanbases is a miracle and a half.

TOP FIVE COACHES ON THE HOT SEAT/ WILL BE ON THE HOT SEAT

1. Gary Pinkel (Missouri) – Another losing season and it could be Pinkel’s out of a job.

2. Mark Richt (Georgia) – Because he’s ALWAYS on the hot seat in Athens.

3. Butch Jones (Tennessee) – UT’s ADs have always had itchy trigger fingers. They want to bring back the teams of the late 1990s.

4. Les Miles (LSU) – Because Les Miles is Les Miles. Someone’s always saying he should be fired.

5. Dan Mullen (Mississippi State) – Because will getting into a bowl game yet losing the Egg Bowl to Ole Miss be enough for fans in Starkville?

TOP FIVE COACHES IN NO DANGER OF GETTING FIRED

1. Nick Saban (Alabama) – No question the best coach in college football.

2. Steve Spurrier (South Carolina) – He talks **** about Clemson and Georgia, and beats Clemson and Georgia. And is now putting South Carolina in content for SEC East Titles. That’ll do for Gamecocks fans.

3. James Franklin (Vanderbilt) – The only way he’s leaving Nashville is for a bigger job.

4. Kevin Sumlin (Texas A&M) – Miracles in Year 1 in College Station. That’ll do.

5. Hugh Freeze (Ole Miss) – At the moment, he can do not wrong in Oxford.

TOP FIVE SEC STADIUMS 

WARNING: This is the toughest Top Five I’ll ever have to do. But here we go:

1. LSU – Saturday nights in Death Valley are insane. Saturday days tailgating are equally insane.

2. Texas A&M – A weird Aggie cult, full of swaying, wooing, and weirding. But incredibly loud.

3. Georgia – There’s something special and beautiful about the hedges.

4. Florida – The Swamp. Nasty, stinky, and very, very loud.

5. Alabama – Tuscaloosa’s a fortress for the Crimson Tide – and it’s a nice stadium, too.

TOP FIVE SEC STUDENT SECTIONS

1. Texas A&M – 12th. Man.

2. LSU – Rowdy, rude, and like to have a little dance. It works.

3. Auburn – Lovin’ them shakers, man!! (Orange and blue look cool, too)

4. Florida  – Chomp! Chomp! Jorts! Chomp! Jorts!

5. Tennessee (when Neyland gets going) – A fantastic orange student section when Tennessee gets going. I’ve experienced it, and it rocks. Louder than Georgia’s, anyways.

TOP FIVE SEC CO-EDS (AND THIS IS A CLOSE BATTLE, SINCE THERE ARE SO MANY BEAUTIFUL LADIES IN THE SEC (THAT’S WHY WE’RE WINNERS)

1. Ole Miss 

2. Georgia  

3. Alabama

4. Florida

5. South Carolina

We’d like to note that there are beautiful women in the SEC on every campus. That’s why we win National Championships and people come flooding back to our stadiums. No disrespect meant for the list. 

TOP FIVE AWESOME-EST CHANTS

1. Woo! Pig Soieee!!! Arkansas’ war chant even better after half a bottle of Jim Beam!

2. Rammer Jammer! The ultimate “Screw You” from Alabama fans. Also great if you beat Alabama and you taunt their fans with it. They go strangely quiet, a Texas A&M fan informed me who was in Tuscaloosa for THAT game

3. Geaux Tigers!  French said in a cajun drawl always wins. LSU fans trying to use french is pretty cool. Also, it’s insistent

4. The Texas A&M Battle Hymn – It’s incredible to listen to. It’s all about how much they hate the University of Texas. Which is OK with us. They remind you to ‘Saw Varsity’s Horns Off’. So there you go.

5. Rocky Top – Because it’s freaking catchy

TOP FIVE BEST (LIVE) MASCOTS IN THE SEC

1. Mike The Tiger (LSU) – Because no-one beats the tiger. Or goes anywhere near him, if we’re honest.

2.  UGA (Georgia) – Because the Bulldog’s cool.

3. Spirit (Auburn) – War. Eagle.

4. Tusk (Arkansas) – Don’t mess with the pig.

5. Reveille (Texas A&M) – All we can think of is Lassie.

 

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