We would go on and on about Steve Spurrier getting Spurrier-ed in The Swamp, Texas A&M finding out what it’s like when you don’t put away a team led by Les Miles, and how awful Georgia was at Kentucky, but we’ll let the rankings reflect our rambling thoughts.

1) Alabama – Darth Saban’s Crimson Death Star is blowing up every rebel ship in its way. This team seems to make no mistakes and is happy to simply crush the opposition – as Tennessee found out in a 31-point blow-out. And the women love it!!!

2) Florida – Will Muschamp’s side gets the turnovers, and then punishes those making the mistakes savagely and without mercy. The eternal sound on CBS on the ‘Gator Chomp’ was more than a little bit annoying, but when the chant’s led by lovely Gator co-eds and cheerleaders, we didn’t complain too much. There will be a lot of chomping at the Cocktail Party, folks. Oh, and we hate this guy…..

3) LSU – Were outplayed in the first half, but still came out with a 14-12 lead. Taught Texas A&M the true value of not turning the ball over (the Aggies had FIVE turnovers), and running the ball (219 yards rushing – with Jeremy Hill leading the way with an excellent 47-yard icer). But their problem is still Zach Mettenberger, who was 11-for-29 for 97 yards, 1 TD, and 417 overthrows. In fact, Tracy Wolfson should watch out when she’s on the sideline for the Alabama game. She might get hurt. Like this NFL reporter almost did.

4) South Carolina – Three words we don’t usually use for Steve Spurrier: “Hammered. Hurt. Humiliated.” All three apply to his teams (well, the offense and the special teams, anyway!) after their adventure at The Swamp.

5) Mississippi State- Dan Mullen’s are unbeaten. Next stop for the Cowbell-ers…Alabama. We have ‘Bama as a 21-point favorite, by the way. We think the Bulldogs are pretty good, but Alabama is a class above.

6) Georgia – The Bulldogs were absolutely dreadful in their win over Kentucky. There’s no other way of saying them. Unless miracles happen between now and 3.30pm next Saturday, the smell of barbecue after the game won’t be Gator, it’ll be Dawg.

7) Texas A&M – This is a free lesson for you, Johnny Football: TURNOVERS WILL KILL YOU. NO MATTER IF YOU’RE SUPERMAN. I’m sure you know this, but we wanted to point this out again. And again. And again. By the way, the atmosphere in Kyle Field was off the hook. The ending of the game was pretty cool, though…

8) Ole Miss – Did nothing but didn’t get blown out by Alabama. Tennessee did. Ergo, they rise about Tennessee in the rankings.

9) Tennessee – Dear Smokey, can you and Lassie go and find the Volunteers some heart? It seems to have left Neyland Stadium and gone elsewhere. Quite possibly wearing orange pants, and has a sour taste in its mouth. Possibly because of getting beaten by Alabama….again.

10) Arkansas – The Razorbacks are top of the ‘pile’ (we won’t go into details, but you can probably guess), simply because their offense might actually save their defense this year. We’ll see in the Ole Miss game, which is actually bigger than a lot of people expect – as both sides are gunning for bowl eligibility (especially with the last three games for the Hogs being South Carolina, MSU and LSU).

11) Vanderbilt – We thought this year that the Commodores might be the second-worst team in the SEC East. We were wrong. They are the third-worst.

12) Missouri – The Tigers might find out how bad they actually are when they play the  ‘S***ty Showdown’ against Kentucky on Saturday. Coming to you at 12.21pm on exclusively SEC Network! Yaaaaaay!

13) Kentucky – Played well against Georgia, but couldn’t come up with the goods. Some dumb penalties in the fourth quarter didn’t help, either. There’s a future with this team, but it probably won’t involve Joker Phillips after this year. So Wildcats fans hope.

14) Auburn – In Auburn, Alabama, a pastor was preaching about the Tigers, the 2012 season, and the future of Gene Chizik. He had only two words: “Dear God…..” And  he then stopped. He didn’t need to continue. Everyone got the picture.

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